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Original poster

Disappointing proposal? Gather here

601 replies

GoldenGirl85 · 09/10/2024 12:15

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

OP posts:
SallyOhxx · 09/10/2024 16:22

Manypaws · 09/10/2024 16:12

Said husband is out hanging the third load of washing, housework is done , dinner is on and I'm lying on top bed with a box of chocolates as I have a cold

I have been around the world with this man, we have an amazing son, he looks after my elderly parents , I am financially very comfortable, he tells me he loves me everyday , I still get butterflies with him and I would trust him with my life

I think I can get over the fact that being drunk gave him the courage to propose

That's not having low standards that's about having values and seeing what really matters , basing a relationship on grand gestures how shallow is that ?

Where did OP say grand gestures? Just asking out of curiosity?
Also, would you like a gold star?
Yours sincerely,
The Shallow Lady x

Ceilingplatter · 09/10/2024 16:23

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/10/2024 16:19

It's all so performative, though. What's the point of having a proposal at all if they've already discussed marriage and she's given him instructions on what she expects?!

Show quote history

It was clearly important to her.

Nanny0gg · 09/10/2024 16:24

sorrythetruthhurts · 09/10/2024 16:21

I would have said no to the proposal personally.

Wouldn't have been impressed with such little effort.

Edited

Good grief

Maray1967 · 09/10/2024 16:24

AnnaMagnani · 09/10/2024 12:22

At least he didn't sit you down and consider if there were tax advantages to getting married instead of asking the question. Thanks DH.

It's the marriage that's important, not the proposal or wedding.

Oh that’s bad!!

I did get the ‘down on one knee’ - but in our living room in our rented flat with a truly horrible swirly carpet. We had put up the Christmas tree though, so that was nice.

Over 30 years ago - and I knew that other things mattered more than a great setting for an engagement. Someone in my family got the great romantic gestures and wonderful gifts - and also the adultery.

I’m very happy with a reliable, honourable man - who has to be given a list of gift ideas. And I book the holidays.

Manypaws · 09/10/2024 16:25

I dont need a gold star thanks, I'm married to one

Where did I say op had mentioned grand gestures, although I probably would class decor as one?

Perhaps you should change your signature to sneery and bitchy

FraudCat · 09/10/2024 16:25

@GoldenGirl85

Many years ago, I heard about a friend who was proposed to - and a dolphin gave her the ring.

Naffest thing I’ve ever heard of.

I think your proposal sounds totally fine. I’d take low key over a dolphin.

SallyOhxx · 09/10/2024 16:25

Manypaws · 09/10/2024 16:25

I dont need a gold star thanks, I'm married to one

Where did I say op had mentioned grand gestures, although I probably would class decor as one?

Perhaps you should change your signature to sneery and bitchy

Says the grown arse woman calling people names?

MildredSauce · 09/10/2024 16:26

GoldenGirl85 · 09/10/2024 15:33

I've realised that the bar is quite low for a lot of women and people are accepting the bare minimum. There's nothing wrong with making an effort for your other half especially if that's what they want.

This was supposed to be a lighthearted post to share experiences of underwhelming proposals!!

Show quote history

There is absolutely nothing wrong with making an effort for your partner @GoldenGirl85 that's probably the most astute observation you've made to us low-bar low-brow types.

So what effort did you make to understand and appreciate your admittedly nervous dh who was too excited to wait?

Manypaws · 09/10/2024 16:27

Accurate though

RogerTaylorsdrumstool · 09/10/2024 16:29

You sound very high maintenance.

My DH work me up during the night to say...I've been thinking. Will you marry me?
I said yes and went back to sleep.
We've been married 34 years now. The proposal REALLY doesn't matter. It's the marriage that's important

independencefreedom · 09/10/2024 16:33

GoldenGirl85 · 09/10/2024 12:15

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

Decor? Like what?

sansou · 09/10/2024 16:36

We were in bed and he asked "Shall we get married?" and I replied "Yes." Then we moved in together, got engaged, (chose/designed my ring together) and got married about 2 yrs later. We celebrated our silver wedding anniversary recently.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 09/10/2024 16:38

OP, you sound ridiculous now, suggesting that other women just have lower standards than you do.

It isn't about lower standards, it is about having different values and priorities. My "standards" don't include stuff that I consider to be trivial and quite shallow.

User19876536484 · 09/10/2024 16:38

Surely, you are engaged from the moment you say yes?

Silverbook · 09/10/2024 16:38

Ethylred · 09/10/2024 12:31

What are you, a Disney princess?

😂😂😂😂

ScrambledSmegs · 09/10/2024 16:40

Is he a good husband? Does he love, respect and support you?

If so you’re going to have to let go of that 30% disappointment because it will fester and grow into 100% resentment. And then your marriage will be over.

Dinoswearunderpants · 09/10/2024 16:40

Literally people are going to die from a hurricane and you're stewing over a proposal years ago! Get a bloody grip!

LabFab · 09/10/2024 16:41

Same same.

Actually, I'd murder him with the violin from the string quartet the fucker probably also arranged 😂

I've realised that the bar is quite low for a lot of women and people are accepting the bare minimum

Come on, OP. Valuing the important stuff is NOT setting the bar low. It's the complete opposite.

I'm really enjoying reading about all the happy, solid, loving relationships on this thread, despite those 'low bar' proposals, with no thought whatsoever for the 'gram 😁

menopause59 · 09/10/2024 16:51

I proposed to my husband after a long Sunday afternoon drinking session whilst walking to get a pizza

Still together 30 years on and we have 3 children, we laugh at the proposal now but it felt right at the time

Skyrainlight · 09/10/2024 16:52

Honestly get a life and grow up. The point of marriage is a happy relationship, it's not about fairy tale proposals. People have lost sight of what's important and that is love.

LostOnTheWayToManderley · 09/10/2024 16:53

coffeesaveslives · 09/10/2024 15:38

DH proposed on holiday in Lanzarote, then remembered he hadn't bought any champagne so wandered out to buy some and left me in our apartment with a random stray cat who had wandered in Grin

Cats and champagne sounds PERFECT 😍

Manypaws · 09/10/2024 16:54

I think we might have had a kebab on the way home to celebrate

Nanny0gg · 09/10/2024 17:17

hellofrommyothername · 09/10/2024 14:51

I was also disappointed with mine OP and it left me feeling quite low for a long time. I don’t think you’re wrong to expect some effort or thought.

That said, I don’t really think about it much anymore; if he is generally a good guy and shows you love and effort in other ways it will eventually pale in significance.

Surely the thought is that he loves you and wants to marry you?

Not how good it's going to look on Instagram

Attelina · 09/10/2024 17:18

'no decor'

You expected him to wallpaper the hall before getting down on one knee?

Gladicalled · 09/10/2024 17:22

GoldenGirl85 · 09/10/2024 15:33

I've realised that the bar is quite low for a lot of women and people are accepting the bare minimum. There's nothing wrong with making an effort for your other half especially if that's what they want.

This was supposed to be a lighthearted post to share experiences of underwhelming proposals!!

Show quote history

Oh the bar is low because women accept the bare minimum.

You think that? You who accepted the proposal and then married him, despite you feeling he did the bare minimum? And are now moaning about it years later.

Why didn’t you propose if you had an exact idea of how it should be?

when it comes to proposing you did less than the bare minimum.