Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

‘so I think it’s time, we’ve been together a while now, I feel we ought to discuss the legalities of our relationship in an adult way. Will you contract yourself to me for tax and efficiency reasons going forwards until we need the next legal document, our will’

why darling yes of course!! You had me at ‘legalities’ !!

each to their own I guess!!😂

sorry couldn’t help myself! Whatever works for each couple.

The irony.

Mumsnet never fails to amaze me how horrid women can be to other women.

omg had to help him back up 😂😂
That's so sweet.

And shallow 😀

I'm not into big grand gestures. I'm into my husband doing the little things every day that shows me he loves me.

Could be worse, mine was mid miscarriage when I’d been crying for about 10 hours. We hadn’t spoken about getting married at all and I thought he was doing it to cheer me up. It’s been 23 years and I’m still not convinced he really meant to propose.

I think mumsnet is the wrong platform for this topic lol. You need a very young person I early 20s with some expectation of grand gestures. We here are are just grumpy, middle aged angry moms trying to survive the day.🤣

I had a deeply unromantic proposal which was made on a whim at the office Christmas party. No engagement ring other than a family heirloom to symbolise the engagement because dh ‘doesn’t waste money on crap like that’.

Dh is still to this day one of the most unromantic buggers I’ve ever known however together we have created two beautiful grown up daughters, a wonderful home and so many beautiful memories. We’ve been together nearly 25 years and I can trust him 100% and know that he is my true soulmate. I feel incredibly honoured to be so loved.

Op I would keep the bar high for the important things such as your expectations of fidelity, mutual respect, courtesy and kindness. They’re worth a lot more than a balloon arch and a load of sugary pictures on Insta.

My proposal was at a football match after his team scored a winning goal. That was 30 years ago. Have to say apart from that he is very romantic 🤣

I realised there's a typo in my post - I wanted to type unfulfilling to me and it aucorrected to unfulfilled.
To me, fast cars are completely vacuous and bring no joy at all. In fact I find them obnoxious and cringeworthy. But you enjoy them, great for you!

Just like you seem to judge the OP for liking romantic gestures, special moments and pretty decor. What I wanted to say is that the things that bring all the posters on this thread joy, be it cars or no fuss proposals, feel empty to others and that's ok. We're all different and it's perfectly fine.

Ah yes, because if you don't demand the full Disney Princess treatment and stamp and sulk if you don't get it, then you have a "low bar" and no "critical thinking skills".

When I saw the thread title I thought “oh it can’t be any more disappointing than mine…” but turns out it’s the exact same. I feel you. We celebrated after as I booked somewhere. He said he was nervous and just needed to get it over and done with.

I said yes obviously but I get embarrassed if anyone was to ask me about our engagement

Who said anything about full brown princess treatment? Certainly not the OP. It's a term people on here have used to throw abuse at her for wanting her husband to have made a bit more effort than just 'saying the words'.

Low bar? Women are talking about their husbands being pissed and high on drugs during their proposal! But apparently on here that means you are shallow....😂

My husband proposed to me in a rush in my car as I was parking outside my flat. He also forgot his wallet when we went ring shopping so I bought my own engagement ring!

However 30 years on that just makes a funny story. We've had 30 years of love and adventures. I am not the sort of woman who wants to be placed on an unrealistic pedestal. I want love, constancy, respect and laughs. And am content that I have those things. An instagammable proposal would not have guaranteed a long and happy marriage.

@Thefaceofboe that’s quite sad you feel that way though. I think the fact he was so nervous shows how loved you are. If he didn’t care he wouldn’t have been so worked up about it.

I think the fact it was so ‘unmemorable’ makes it very memorable. I honestly don’t think the majority of people have big outlandish proposals. My husband planned ours but was simply at home, just the 2 of us.

I'm with you OP 10 years in, I'm still a bit annoyed!

To me a "low bar" is staying with a man who treats you badly or does not respect you.

A fancy proposal is really not important.

Ugghh instagram/tictoc etc have ruined every good life event.

Did you want a flash mob? A marching band? The Eiffel Tower transported to you?

Surely be grateful that you were lucky enough to find love.

Said husband is out hanging the third load of washing, housework is done , dinner is on and I'm lying on top bed with a box of chocolates as I have a cold

I have been around the world with this man, we have an amazing son, he looks after my elderly parents , I am financially very comfortable, he tells me he loves me everyday , I still get butterflies with him and I would trust him with my life

I think I can get over the fact that being drunk gave him the courage to propose

That's not having low standards that's about having values and seeing what really matters , basing a relationship on grand gestures how shallow is that ?

Are you disappointed you didn’t have a big instagram moment that you could post on social media? Because that seems to be what it’s all about these days. My husband said ‘I’ve been offered a job abroad - if you want to come we need to be married’. I’ve not felt such a proposal has ruined my life!

You’re getting the usual shitey responses, but I think it’s understandable you’re upset if you’d told
him you’d like something special.

It's all so performative, though. What's the point of having a proposal at all if they've already discussed marriage and she's given him instructions on what she expects?!

😂😂 this

I would have said no to the proposal personally.

Wouldn't have been impressed with such little effort.