Bail conditions - on my husband but it's me who's screwed

[Ohdearnamechange]

My husband has been charged with assault (against me). He's on bail with a condition that he'll not have any form of contact with me. The relationship is done, that's not the issue. The issue is that we lived together, my whole life is there, sentimental stuff from before I met him, stuff my family made for me, all my clothes etc. I've paid for every fucking thing in that flat, all the furniture, white goods etc. Plus all the rent. The police checked the tenancy and he's the only listed tenant (he'd told me he had put me on the tenancy - it's HA - but stupidly I never checked). And as a result gave me notice to leave immediately.

I'm currently staying at a relative's with an overnight bag - it's only temporary and no clue where to go after - the police gave me five minutes to pack and did take me to a safe house initially but that was only for one night. So no contact lenses, no meds, two pairs of pants, one jumper - you get the picture.

I'm just so frustrated. My husband's life hasn't really changed so far as I can see - he's presumably sat on my sofa, eating my food from my fridge, sleeping in the bed I bought and watching tv on the tv I bought.

But I can't even contact him to pick some stuff up? I spoke to the police today and the bail conditions are ongoing, could be for months. If I do, I'll be in trouble and he's blocked me anyway. The police took my keys as I left. I don't even really care about the furniture etc but the thought of losing everything gifted to me by friends and family over the years really hurts. And that also means I can't make a clean break - what, I have to wait for him to notify me that I'm now able to pick up my photos and artwork etc? Plus on a slightly more pedantic point I really don't want to have to rebuy all my toiletries/cosmetics!

Is this really the norm? How is this ok? Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant but any advice on whether this is something that could be challenged or really where to go from here would be much appreciated.

The police should be arranging an escorted visit to the house for you to collect your things. This is not ok! I am sorry

Can't the police escort you to get your stuff? They did when I had to ask my brother to leave my house.

Tell police and ask for supported access to get your things
Well done for reporting and getting away

Thanks all. I spoke to them today and essentially the answer was that as it's his sole tenancy it's all his and I can't access it??

Maybe I got a new or uninformed officer - will try again.

Not putting down the police btw, just feeling really lost if this is actually policy (which it sounds like hopefully it's not!)

Do you have receipts for the purchases? Sofa white goods etc? That's all you need to prove it is yours if he's claiming it's his. The clothes it should be pretty obvious. Anything else I wouldn't worry about really. It might seem like a lot of stuff but you can replace it.

www.wiselaw.co.uk/legally-get-your-belongings-back-from-ex/#:~:text=Family%20law%20provides%20certain%20protections,where%20your%20belongings%20are%20kept.

You're married, it's the marital home. This is completely wrong. The police have fucked right up and you need an urgent review of the bail conditions and to be allowed to return to your house. I'm so cross on your behalf! Have you got a domestic violence advocate? Have you called your local DA service?

https://england.shelter.org.uk/professional_resources/legal/relationship_breakdown/housing_rights_of_married_sole_tenants/relationship_breakdown_law_for_spouses_and_civil_partners_in_a_sole_tenancy
The police should know this!

Do bail conditions prevent him being contacted by a member of your family? You could ask the police.

If not, arrange a time for a relative or friend to collect your stuff. I don't know about getting your furniture back but you can get your clothes and toiletries.

You need to contact a domestic abuse organisation for advice and support. Perhaps Victim Support, they have a 24/7 messaging facility. I'd also advise Rights of Women for legal advice.

She doesn't need to collect her stuff she needs to be facilitated to get back into her home and his bail conditions amended.

I would suggest speaking to Women's Aid, the HA and Shelter for Advice. It's your home too.

It sounds crazy to say everything is his.
On a very basic level, no way contact lenses and women clothes are his!

Unfortunately I don't have receipts.

If I did it'd leave the arse with a broken bedside table, one ancient kitchen chair and a microwave and sleeping on the floor😅

It's mostly just about the principle tbh!

That's appalling! I hope you can get the right support to at least retrieve your possessions OP. Have you spoken to anyone at the HA?

Have a look online for the area you are in - each county should have some sort of non-profit domestic abuse charity who can help with this sort of thing. Some can also offer caseworkers and legal advice, this is means tested so it can be free if you are below a certain income.

You may need to go to court and get an occupation order for the property, and have a solicitor involved to get your things back if he won’t agree to give you things back. Police won’t usually get involved in who owns what, this is for a civil court, but should accompany you to retrieve your belongings.

I don't think she wants to move back in with her abuser.

I have yes - as I'm apparently not an official tenant they're just saying there's nothing they can do.

So stupid of me to believe he changed it 6 years ago!

and his bail conditions amended

HE should be removed from the home, not her. An over zealous and ignorant police officer has removed her from her home despite being the victim because they don't understand housing and family law. The bail conditions need to be amended so she can return to her house, as I said in the post you quoted without reading properly.

But that not true. Have you read the shelter link I posted above?

although ETA the housing association can't do much, the police can

Not an official tenant? Aren't you on the electoral roll?

You have legal rights if you are married under family law . See the post below

I am yes of course! But as I understand it I'm only counted as an actual tenant for the purposes of the HA if I applied and was accepted. I think HA is more complicated than private renting

Hi OP.. in the grand scheme of things it's just stuff.

I know it feels wildly unjust of course but really and truly, it's stuff.

I left my ex and fled dv with my daughter.. I had 20 minutes to pack up our lives as we were moving to a safe house. I left pretty much all of my possessions behind and he never allowed me to return to get anything. It was all sentimental items I wanted like photos of my late DM, DDs baby box, her birth certificate etc..

I'm 5 years on and have rebuilt my life and made new memories and have new things.

I'd try to police escort first off but if it's unsuccessful please don't breach the bail conditions and get yourself in trouble.. its not worth it.

Thank you! I will read into this. Believe it or not when not completely overwhelmed I am a fully functioning lawyer (not family or housing though, so I appreciate the pointers!)

You are going to get a lot of posts that validate the unfairness of the situation and that is entirely appropriate because it is incredibly unfair but honestly from more than one experience of similar this is the norm. People who abuse appear to navigate these situations with the least impact to their lives while they destroy those who come in contact with, honestly more often than not, that is what happens. We are primed with TV and books and stories to think that unfairness is punished but in reality the depths of human denial means that is a reality rare outcome when compared to them getting away scot free.

If you accept that winning in this situation is getting the absolute scumbag out of your life and the understanding about what carried you into the situation to begin with you are a mile ahead of so many people who have been in your situation. An absolute bonus will be if he is punished for his actions but I wouldn’t hold my breath. More likely he will continue on his path of destruction and continue to destroy lives. If you look at those with addictions and very severe mental health conditions the majority were in relationships as destructive as what you have experienced but they didn’t get to the point you will get to by getting yourself away from the relationship and resetting your life. You deserve so much more and so much better. Be proud of yourself for getting away and getting yourself back on your feet.