Bail conditions - on my husband but it's me who's screwed

[Ohdearnamechange]

My husband has been charged with assault (against me). He's on bail with a condition that he'll not have any form of contact with me. The relationship is done, that's not the issue. The issue is that we lived together, my whole life is there, sentimental stuff from before I met him, stuff my family made for me, all my clothes etc. I've paid for every fucking thing in that flat, all the furniture, white goods etc. Plus all the rent. The police checked the tenancy and he's the only listed tenant (he'd told me he had put me on the tenancy - it's HA - but stupidly I never checked). And as a result gave me notice to leave immediately.

I'm currently staying at a relative's with an overnight bag - it's only temporary and no clue where to go after - the police gave me five minutes to pack and did take me to a safe house initially but that was only for one night. So no contact lenses, no meds, two pairs of pants, one jumper - you get the picture.

I'm just so frustrated. My husband's life hasn't really changed so far as I can see - he's presumably sat on my sofa, eating my food from my fridge, sleeping in the bed I bought and watching tv on the tv I bought.

But I can't even contact him to pick some stuff up? I spoke to the police today and the bail conditions are ongoing, could be for months. If I do, I'll be in trouble and he's blocked me anyway. The police took my keys as I left. I don't even really care about the furniture etc but the thought of losing everything gifted to me by friends and family over the years really hurts. And that also means I can't make a clean break - what, I have to wait for him to notify me that I'm now able to pick up my photos and artwork etc? Plus on a slightly more pedantic point I really don't want to have to rebuy all my toiletries/cosmetics!

Is this really the norm? How is this ok? Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant but any advice on whether this is something that could be challenged or really where to go from here would be much appreciated.

'I don't have receipts'

Online bank statements usually go back several years. A £300 payment to Currys e.g. could be used to show you bought the washing machine.

Also, there might be email trails if you registered things for warranty or arranged for delivery.

Find as much proof as you can via bank statements/credit card statements etc.

Ask the police to sort out you returning to collect the belongings you can prove are yours.

You will have to let go of stuff you can't prove, though it might be worth asking that HE prove HE paid for any items he claims he bought..

Ultimately as a PP said, 'winning' here is you getting the fk out of there and starting over without him.

You're being unnecessarily aggressive. The OP complained in her OP that she can't access her things and has few clothes or even contact lenses. I suggested she get someone else to collect her things for her.

I also suggested she gets legal advice and contacts a domestic advice organisation who can obviously give her further advice.

It could take a while to amend bail conditions and the OP has no clothes or toiletries. It's not me that has comprehension difficulties.

Ah I'm sorry to hear that and glad you got out x. I hope you and your DD are happy!

I suppose it's just photos and artwork that was specifically designed for me by loved ones that I've lugged all round Europe, and a piece of furniture my elderly dad made for me that I want. Quite a few photos of close friends who've passed. Otherwise I agree it's all just stuff at the end of the day.

Absolutely ridiculously (I'm coming to see how naive I've been) I just transferred him money whenever he asked and he bought everything. So I suppose he technically bought them despite me earning 10x

I really don't care though other than the sentimental and personal stuff.

That is why she wants the bail conditions amended. To keep him out of her home.

I understand that, thank you.

You have a right to retrieve personal belongings, regardless of whether you're on the tenancy. Considering your husband's bail conditions prevent contact, you would be expected to coordinate with the police or through a third party to arrange a safe time to collect your items. It's worth calling the police again and asking to speak to someone who deals specifically with domestic abuse.

In addition, given that you contributed to the household and furnished the home, you can apply for an Occupation Order. If successful, this could allow you to either live in the property or access it to retrieve your belongings. To make a decision, the court will consider factors such as your financial and emotional needs, contribution to the household, and potential harm if access is denied. You can apply for this order even if you're not on the tenancy, especially if you've contributed financially to the home.

It would help if you had a solicitor. You may be eligible for legal aid because your situation involves domestic abuse. I'd recommend calling around to check.

Bless you, nothing helpful to add...
Hopefully you'll find a way of getting your belongings.

I'd think when anyone's world is turned upside down job title is irrelevant, we're all just human beings winging our way through life trying our best to dodge the shite that is thrown at us best we can.

Edited as I read your later comment

I'm sorry to be getting so angry on your behalf as it's probably not helpful but I'm disgusted at the police making you homeless. Please chase them today until you speak to the duty sergeant and at the same time, call the DA service in your area and for good measure I would email your MP.

Well done for getting out. Are you in touch with Women's Aid OP?

Nope, this is rubbish. You can't do anything about the tenancy or white goods/furniture (unless you have proof of purchase) but they should be arranging to escort you there to collect personal possessions such as clothes, things for work etc etc

Ask them to do a 'standby to prevent a breach of the peace' and escort you. As a victim of DV they cannot expect you to leave all your worldly possessions in the flat and have nothing except an overnight bag!

They might try and fob you off saying its a civil matter but as they have put the bail conditions on, meaning he can't contact you and you him, they need to assist you.

Do you have an IDVA assigned to you? If not, please ask for one as they can be great support and help advocate for you

When my ex was on bail the police first asked me to get a relative to try to arrange collection and when he ignored that the police arranged to collect it directly from him so I didn't have to go. He didn't give me everything though and some sentimental things are lost forever as he knew that's what would hurt me.

Please people stop advising a police escort to get her belongings. This is the wrong approach. The police need to remove HIM.

Is he on police bail or was he bailed at court?

I can imagine the police fucking this up, but magistrates have specific training in avoiding this situation. I'm a magistrate and in DV cases, we bail defendants to live and sleep at a separate address to their victim with conditions to have no contact.

When we bail DV defendants, the first question we ask is 'where does the victim reside?' and if it's at the defendant's address, we then bail the defendant to an address somewhere else - usually a relative. It cannot be a condition of a defendant's bail that their victim is made to move out. The victim is not subject to any bail conditions. You won't be doing anything wrong if you go to your own house (although I can understand you'd not want to turn up on your own if he's there). If he lets you in, he'll be breaking his own bail conditions. But presumably he's only bailed to live and sleep there - he can go out during the day? Just go there when he's not going to be there, that way he hasn't broken his bail conditions and you get your stuff back.

Whoever is on the lease or not is a civil matter - I can't understand why the police would give a shit. You won't be committing a criminal offence if you go there.

Then speak to a colleague. My DIL legal firm she got advice from different departments now and again.

I agree. You are entitled to get your stuff and I hope you do, soon.

Your life has been set on fire metaphorically. So perhaps a mindset to use is you need to leave everything behind and start afresh.
Life's really shit for you currently because of him. But divorce. Move on. Be free and be happy.

She needs her things now! Right now. So a quick solution for today is required

The police can't just remove him if he's bailed to that address! It's not that simple.

This poster looks like she has the best information about the situation and taking this advice to the police would seem the best thing to do.

Op, I've been in a similar position.

I just left almost everything, I wasn't giving that bastard the satisfaction of begging, and him bagging up my stuff. He would have destroyed the things that meant most as well. He would have argued the point over every tiny thing just yo get at me more.

It's so bloody unfair, but it is just stuff.

The main thing is that you're safe, and you're away from this bastard.

Please contact WA, they usually have links to charities to get new things, and may support getting your own HA home.

Take care op, you're going to be on a roller coaster of emotions for the next few months, don't waste any more emotional energy on him 💐

There is nothing preventing her from going there if he's not at home. Whether she is an official tenant or not is a matter for civil law. She will not be committing a criminal offence if she lets herself into the house with her own keys to retrieve her own belongings when he is not there. The police have absolutely no say over it at all.

It's commercial in-house so no other departments unfortunately

You can't contact him but could someone go round on your behalf to collect things? Someone preferably large and male..?

This is the thing: SHE can contact HIM but he would be breaching his bail conditions if he responds. So it's not that she's forbidden, it's just that it would be pointless because his bail conditions prevent him from replying.