Bail conditions - on my husband but it's me who's screwed

[Ohdearnamechange]

My husband has been charged with assault (against me). He's on bail with a condition that he'll not have any form of contact with me. The relationship is done, that's not the issue. The issue is that we lived together, my whole life is there, sentimental stuff from before I met him, stuff my family made for me, all my clothes etc. I've paid for every fucking thing in that flat, all the furniture, white goods etc. Plus all the rent. The police checked the tenancy and he's the only listed tenant (he'd told me he had put me on the tenancy - it's HA - but stupidly I never checked). And as a result gave me notice to leave immediately.

I'm currently staying at a relative's with an overnight bag - it's only temporary and no clue where to go after - the police gave me five minutes to pack and did take me to a safe house initially but that was only for one night. So no contact lenses, no meds, two pairs of pants, one jumper - you get the picture.

I'm just so frustrated. My husband's life hasn't really changed so far as I can see - he's presumably sat on my sofa, eating my food from my fridge, sleeping in the bed I bought and watching tv on the tv I bought.

But I can't even contact him to pick some stuff up? I spoke to the police today and the bail conditions are ongoing, could be for months. If I do, I'll be in trouble and he's blocked me anyway. The police took my keys as I left. I don't even really care about the furniture etc but the thought of losing everything gifted to me by friends and family over the years really hurts. And that also means I can't make a clean break - what, I have to wait for him to notify me that I'm now able to pick up my photos and artwork etc? Plus on a slightly more pedantic point I really don't want to have to rebuy all my toiletries/cosmetics!

Is this really the norm? How is this ok? Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant but any advice on whether this is something that could be challenged or really where to go from here would be much appreciated.

Sorry to hear this OP. I hope you manage to retrieve your belongings soon.

How long until you can access the property you own?

I assume you're talking about the house my family member and his wife and kids live in, as mentioned in a couple of old threads under a different username.

I can't. I have no income for the mortgage. As I've explained previously at length.

I am not aiming to get my H's flat as I've already said. I just want my stuff.

Apologies if I've taken your post wrong but if I haven't then please stop with the whole Gotcha! moment. Kicking someone when they're down is pretty shitty.

Apologies for the snarky tone. It's just that I've posted about my husband and brother etc before and people swoop in as soon as they recognise some facts.

For avoidance of doubt, as I'm sick of defending myself. I have a small house that is mortgaged up to the hilt and my brother and his family live there. I do not make a profit from this and it's willed to my siblings. I have had lots of issues with my H and yes, have posted about them - anyone in a women's charity will tell you it usually takes several attempts to actually leave.

This is the first time he's been properly violent. And my question wasn't even about that, it was about access and getting my things back.

I'd contact victims support for advice on how you get your belongings. Not everything in the house belongs to him because his names on the tenancy, you're entitled to get your clothes and belongings and I'm sure they will be able to advise. Sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

Once you get it back (it will happen), make a point of cancelling EVERYTHING...

Gas, electric, water, insurance, Netflix, Disney, Ring... the lot.

His house, his problem.

Don't do it before you get your stuff back as he might get petty and bin it.

I read some of your old posts OP and just want to say I really hope you're OK. It's awful that he's assaulted you but I'm so glad you've finally left.

It's a shitty situation that you're in right now but it will get better!

Do you have a family or friend who could contact him and ask to collect your stuff on your behalf?

Perhaps get the person to say that you want to try and do it amicably and not involve the police (say it in a way like you’re doing him a favour) and obviously tell them to make him aware that you won’t be there and make sure you don’t even try and attempt contact.

I would speak to the HA and the police and see if they can allow you access/help you arrange it.

At the end of the day it’s just stuff and freedom is priceless.

The Guinea pigs would be my only priority.
Are they just yours or shared?

I think you need specialist advice, perhaps from a family lawyer? Some offer free initial advice. Or perhaps try Rights of Women? Limited opening hours but their helpline is staffed by legal professionals.

If you’re married, you have matrimonial home rights, meaning you have the right to live there and pay rent as if you were the tenant. Afaik, you cannot be excluded from the flat by your spouse or by the landlord without some sort of an occupation order against you.

So, in theory, your husband could have been excluded by his bail conditions and you could live there. I’m assuming you were living in the flat as your main home when the incident happened and after?

I’d also consider complaining against the police if they have misled you. I don’t think you had any legal obligation to give up the keys.

I’m not a lawyer, btw.

@Choochoo21 the piggies are mine (and definitely my priority) and he has threatened to hurt them before. I honestly don't think he would, he just chooses whatever thing to say he thinks will hurt me most. But at the moment my housing options seem to be a bed in a hostel or in a small van in my parents' garden. I don't know, I'm so confused.

There is nothing that prevents your friends or family from going to collect your things from him. The bail conditions are on him not them. Unless you think it would put them at risk from him, I'd ask someone to go and collect the things that really matter to you as soon as you can.

Do you have any texts or anything of him saying he’ll hurt them?

Pets are often used as a way to control someone and the police would take this seriously if you said you needed to get them out.

I would speak to the non emergency police first and explain and then ask the HA.

There are places that foster pets for people fleeing DV.
This could be an option if you have no where to live right now.

Do you have anywhere to store your stuff?

I would get someone to text DP and arrange for them to visit on a day he’s working to collect your stuff.
I would get them tomorrow tell him it’s either friend doing it or they’ll have to get the police involved.
Then I’d hire a small van and get everything I could on that trip.

This. You should be able to arrange to attend with an escort to take your things

Ring women’s aid for advice. It could be seen as theft if he with holds your belongings - you do not lose the right to your property just because it is in someone else’s house - he could be sued if he won’t return it or damages it.

Remember the police are very underfunded and not legal experts in things like this - they would not have studied this so the guy is likely winging it on and saying what he presumes. It might be an idea as someone says to escalate it by making a complaint to the police legal department.

The police are speaking total nonsense. Come on, a married partnership, everything there is 50/50, also he is not a trans and why they would not come with you to fetch your clothes and period pads. The more I read on here, the more bizarre this whole country starts to look like

what?

you have parents with a house?????

you need these people OP
I had quick look at occupancy orders and it says nothing about who is the tenant
https://www.ncdv.org.uk/are-you-suffering-domestic-abuse/how-the-law-can-protect-you/

What does this question mean? Most people's parents have a house.

As @Phenomendodododooby says, it's just stuff and getting the abuser out of your life is winning.

My ex got off the assault by beating charge in court (whole other thread about that terrible trauma), then went on to try and ruin me financially through a long drawn out process over the house.

I did lose stuff in the process and quite a substantial financial sum but I stuck it out just to get away from him.

Abusers abuse any way they can. At least you're on the road to freedom.

He wanted you and your husband away from each other. That's always their primary concern. Possessions aren't a consideration for them on day 1. Citizens advice can help, but you can either get a solicitor or ask if the police will help you collect your possessions. I'd you've got photos then it helps, makeup should be a non issue but tv might be an issue.

I'd go to my parents but given you've said stay in a van in the garden, perhaps there is some difficulty staying there.

Yes of course they wanted him away from her but as he was the perpetrator there is no WAY he should have been bailed to the family home and she expected to move out. No way.

I do emotionally / morally agree with you, but I believe the police can't throw him out because there are no children and she's not on the tenacy with HA. So an officer can't force the sitting tenant out without a court order. I'm trying to remember a similar case which I read up on.

it is very related with her post that she might be homeless

No, this has been addressed many times in the thread. They are married, she has the right to live there. They could and should have bailed him to stay somewhere else. The police can put whatever bail conditions in place that they choose. Even if they weren't married, in the case of DV the police can exercise discretion to safeguard victims in setting bail conditions. This police officer absolutely made a choice to leave him there.

Why assume that she can automatically stay with her parents?