Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

You need to leave him. This will escalate and he will get violent.

I cannot wear certain things with my friends unless I am with him.

You can where WHATEVER YOU WANT, WHENEVER YOU WANT.

He is an abusive, controlling shit.

If you're not prepared to tell him that, feel free to leave this page open or send it to him - we most certainly will do it for you!

At least do yourself the favour of telling your friends and family about this incident and the previous times he has referred to you in such disgusting, derogatory terms.

Men like him get away with this shit because their partners cover up their disgusting behaviour to their loved ones.

Out him. He fully deserves to feel ashamed of his vile self.

He’s disgusting

I'm a man (for context), and I've been cheated on in a previous relationship (like OP's husband), and my wife is good-looking and gets male attention. I would never ever try to tell her what not to wear. She is not my property. And I would never call her any kind of name. His insecurities are no excuse. He needs to realise that he is pushing you away by behaving like a jerk. Does he really want to ruin your relationship over this? If not he needs to get a grip on himself very soon.

He sounds controlling and jealous. You shouldn’t have to put up with this.

He calls you a Whore because he thinks if you wear a particular outfit men will make passes at you and you will go off and have sex with them. Because that's what whores do, isn't it. Have sex with any bloke who they meet.

He doesn't think you will turn them down and be faithful to him.

He doesn't recognise that you have agency over who you sleep with.

He's an outright misogynist and you have big problems.

Personally I'd tell him to either get some serious therapy and recognise HE has a problem, not you, or get to fuck.

This is a very slippery slope OP. You know just how badly men treat "whores".

OP, you are not a pretty little bird he can lock up in a cage and hide away.

It's not 'bad' of you to be attractive and his insecurities and fears are not your problem.

I'm afraid he is trying to make them your problem, however. He is trying to knock your confidence so you cover up to make him feel better.

Do you really want to be with a man like that?

No trust. Control. Verbal abuse.

BIG. RED. FLAGS.

Is this man from an especially patriarchal culture?

No.

I wouldn't be with a man who called another woman a whore, let alone calling me one.

I don't think a corset top is classy and generally wouldn't wear it around family. Also, it sounds like he only said what's he did because you pushed him to give an opinion immediately before leaving. If you know he's quiet if he doesn't like an outfit, then just leave him to be quiet if you want to wear it and don't want to hear anything negative. He didn't orders you to change or anything. I feel like the only choices you gave him were a) lie or b) upset you.

I was sympathetic at first because I had an ex tell me I looked like a whore once (I was wearing a very modest knee-length skirt, turtle neck jumper and knee-high boots!) in front of friends. But I hadn't asked him for his opinion knowing he wouldn't like it.

Asked him first what he thinks to ensure I am not too over dressed for the venue as he didn't want to mentioned the venue we were going to so I had to rely on his thoughts to ensure this. Also wanted to impress him. And with regards to trying to make him jealous, no. Whilst I was on the phone toy. Husband travelling home, my husband had heard some man trying to talk to me since then he has requested for me to inform him when men approach me.

You sound totally unsuited to each other at best. At worst, he is a controlling misogynist and you are naively engaging with his reactions. Unhealthy stuff

Again, I needed to ensure I was not over dressed for the venue he didn't answer, then asked what do you think.

I am truly sorry you had to experience that.

You look fine, tell him to grow up

I wouldn’t personally have my bra showing to go to dinner but it’s up to you how you dress and he shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.

Did you still go out for dinner after he said this totally disgusting dealbreaker thing to you?

Sorry, the relationship would be finished for me. And it is not the first time he has said this to you. So you know what he is like, believe it.

No man has the right to tell any women what to wear.
This isn't the 10th century and the Dark Ages were a long time ago.

OP please ignore the utter pile of codswallop in Biggirlnow s post.

The short and correct answer is Haroldwilson · Today 17:34

I wouldn't be with a man who called another woman a whore, let alone calling me one.

Ok so you wanted his opinion so you knew whether to wear that outfit or change into something more appropriate for the venue?

So when he didn’t say anything you questioned him, as you wanted to know whether the outfit was ok for the venue.

He said it was inappropriate - so how did that lead to an argument?

Why didn’t you just go and get changed, if that was the purpose of you asking for his opinion?

You not being sure whether the outfit was appropriate for the venue and him saying it wasn’t appropriate, massively changes things.

He wasn’t trying to control what you wore at all (he actually said not to change). You asked him as you didn’t want to wear something inappropriate.

I don’t understand how this led to an argument.
The relationship sounds very toxic.

Misogynistic twat. I'd seriously be leaving him with an attitude like that.

This
I had an ex who used to call me a slag (I rarely left the house, did absolutely nothing to warrant this) and it escalated to him threatening to throw me out the window.

How fucking dare he! who does he think he is - calling you a whore. He is a disgusting pig!!!

I am sorry but he isn’t a good husband- he has commented like this before and doesn’t like you wearing certain things - that is controlling and nasty!!

You wear what you want - you ignore his ridiculous silence, when you wear something he does not like!! Let him sulk!!

I would not tolerate this behaviour - relationships are about supporting each other, and being a partnership - he though is an arse, I am so angry on your behalf!

Some odd comments here about you 'starting an argument'. OP there was clearly history here and it seems to me you asked for clarification whether your outfit fit the occasion because you sensed his disapproval in his earlier silence; you were trying to clear the air, not start an argument.

The pattern you describe in your husband, him complaining in effect that you're too attractive, wanting to track how often men try to chat you up even if, after the fact, he can't do anything about it, and finding a not very revealing outfit slutty even if worn in his presence, all seems very unhealthy to me.

He seems to torture himself with thoughts about how much other men may be attracted to you. Why would he want to dwell on this, unless he doesn't trust you? And why would he try to make this your fault by policing your outfits?

And if this last instantiation of the behaviour was extreme even by his standards, then I must admit I, like some of the earliest posters, wonder whether he's projecting. I.e. whether he himself is thinking of stepping out on you and getting the blaming in early.

I'm sorry to be so negative as you clearly value a lot about this relationship. But the issue seems to be getting worse not better and I think if you want to save this relationship, you need to challenge him on why he insists on blaming you for men being attracted to you, and why he finds other men liking your appearance so concerning. He needs to stop this policing of your outfits.