Husband said angrily, I dressed like a whore.

[Emmz35]

I could really use some advice on how to handle a situation with my husband.

Last night, my husband told me he wanted to take me out for dinner, which I was really excited about. I've been feeling a bit down lately, so I was looking forward to this. I chose an outfit I thought he'd like – a sleeveless blazer with trousers and a corset top underneath. It was a classy look, and while the corset peeked out a little, I felt it was elegant and not too revealing.

When my husband saw me, he didn’t say anything at first, which made me self-conscious, so I asked him what he thought. He eventually said the outfit was “inappropriate” and, after some back and forth, raised his voice and said 'you are dressed like a whore” during an argument. This really hurt me. I’ve worn sexier outfits around him before without issue. He’s also made comments in the past about not wanting me to wear certain things because he doesn’t want other men looking at me. His reaction was harsh.

I feel embarrassed and deeply hurt by his words, especially since I’ve been struggling emotionally recently. He knows how I like to dress and how much I love him, and I never thought my outfit would trigger this kind of response. He’s generally a loving, caring husband who wants to make me happy, but this situation has left me feeling insecure and confused.

How do I approach this? I know he’ll apologize, but how do I move forward when I want to express myself through my clothing without worrying about him feeling disrespected? I don’t think I was in the wrong, but I also don’t want this to keep happening. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Below is a picture off of Google to show an image similar to what I was wearing. The colouring in black is to show what was covered, just a peep of my corset and I have smaller boob's so there was no cleavage and the corset was much higher then this females corset top so less chest was on show.

He was very wide eyes, stating that 'you dress respectable around family, why can't you respect your husband'. He isn't a religious person and he knows how I dress when he met me. He is okay when it suits him going to different places when I wear something much more revealing then this.

How would you suggest negotiating with someone who said you looked like a whore and controlled how you dressed? The only 'negotiations' would be this that came under the heading of divorce.

But then you used the word 'tarty,' so I'm not sure we're one the same page at all.

*those that

If my DH ever said I was a whore or looked like a whore it would be ‘bye bye’. No matter how much I love him. Have more respect for yourself OP!

@Emmz35 I would get away from him. This will escalate. Never goes well when partners are controlling. You are not stuck and more fortunate than if you had kids with him.

No, nothing tricky about it. Any man who calls a woman a whore or says she looks like a whore shouldn't be touched with a 10 foot barge pole. Or be paid attention to.

If mine said that to me I'd probably say thank you I am pretty hot aren't I 🤣

Wow, isn't he a charmer. Buy a habit next time, to ensure you are covered from head to toe. Sorry OP, your husband is a dick. He does NOT get to dictate how you dress and he certainly doesn't get to call you a "whore" on more than one occasion. That is well out of order.

I think you are the only person who finds that funny,

Seriously? 🙄

In 15+ years, my husband has never called me a name. Ever. Not bitch, whore, shut, nothing at all. I can't believe you have been called a whore more than once by your HUSBAND. I rally would leave him op. He will only get worse over time. Especially if you have dc. Run.

Calling your wife a whore is not kind and caring am afraid. He's an asshole.

The OP was wearing a long waistcoat jacket over the top. Not the corset on its own!

I couldn't stay with someone who called me names, but particularly someone who called me a whore. It says so much about his character - none of it good.

If you are determined to stay with him, then I think you should insist on marriage counselling so that you can get your point of view across with some support.

However, there's no way I'd be having a child with someone who thinks like this. If you want that for your future then I'd urge you to dump this man and find someone lovely who would be a good example to any sons you have and who would want your daughters to live a happy life without a sexist man to make them feel inferior.

being told that the Op is dressed like a whore, is different to being called a whore.

It's the classic line of the controller, I'm afraid.

It doesn't matter what the OP was wearing! This is not about her clothes it's about her abusive partner.

This

"He was wound up"???

Do you seriously think that's any excuse?!!

It's still not OK

Jesus. This just gets worse and worse!!!

@Emmz35 this man is a walking red flag. These things are NOT ok!

Op I can tell right now you're trying to describe and show us what you were wearing for validation as to if you're husband is correct for his abuse or if we all think the same as you that it was perfectly fine and you're husband WAS out of order.

I lived that same life for 20 yrs. I knew what was "acceptable by him" to wear abd what would get me a mouthful of hurtful comments just like this except his term was shut instead of whore.
As an example: on a hot day I wore cargo shorts and a white t-shirt and collected my son from school. When hubby got home and seen what I was wearing he reacted as if I was wearing hotpants and my ass was on display. He also had an issue that you could see the shape of the outline of my bra through the t-shirt. In my defence I was dressed like every other mum that day. These shorts were mum like shorts, they were not short at all. Plus I hate my body since having kids so I'm not exactly one that would be comfortable or want to wear skimpy clothing! He told me I was an embarrassment to my child because if I bent over my arse would be on show (which I knew was bs) and was I trying to impress other men at the school and I wasn't dressed appropriately as a mother, yet I knew myself I was dressed like all the other mums. I done the same as you posting on here looking to see if I was the problem, was he right, is my outfit to revealing, I even asked my sister is my t-shirt see through, are these shorts too skimpy?? Even though I knew myself I looked fine, I still ecind guessed myself and thought "maybe he's right"
I ended up throwing the shorts out. I knew I could never wear them again after that. He had an issue with leggings as well because they were too tight. "Abd every man can imagine you under them"

I stayed and would still be there if he hadn't of cheated just to punish me as he has told me. He walked out one night, told me our relationship was done, slept with someone else. He still tries to breadcrumb me even though he's with someone else.

Honestly run!! Get out of this. You will never be able to please him, I'm 100% sure you get controlling behaviour from him in other areas of the relationship as well not just your clothing! I bet he's extremely jealous and thinks you would cheat!! I could tell your entire story because it was mine. And he left me so messed up that I still question if there was abuse or if I was completely wrong about him, I've really bad cognitive dissonance because of it All and because he managed to blame me for him bring so jealous or insecure! So please take it from me that you need to leave, he is controlling. He's giving you classic silent treatment when he doesn't approve of what you're wearing and when he's to angry to give the silent treatment he's calling you a whole. It's to hurt you, it's to put you in your place and follow what he's comfortable with and it's control and its abuse!!
What you wore sounds beautiful to me but that's neither here nor there, he is sulking because you're looked good and he didn't want other men looking at you and that you should be respecting him by not allowing other men a chance to get a glimpse of any part of your body because you belong to him and his eyes only! That's basically in a nutshell what's going on in his head

I've been with my husband since 1984. Over the years he has, with justification, told me I can be obstinate, very untidy, sometimes difficult and sometimes unreasonable. He has never called me a name.

I've never heard him call any other woman a name. Sure he might criticise behaviour, same as he would with any man whose behaviour he thought deserved it.

How low does the bar go again?

Plus, it really doesn't matter.

I know that you're supporting the OP here, but anyone stuck on offering a view on the outfit is missing the point by a country mile.

You sound really vulnerable. There is no way any woman who was in a loving relationship would put up with being called a whore .

You say there is no cultural or religious aspects to this scenario which makes it even worse.

There is something really off.

You say you have been feeling down. Why is that? Are you okay?

And btw, yes you can just leave. You don't need to wait for a big enough issue to crop up before you do.