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Original poster

How to introduce toddler to new partner

135 replies

zebrastripes99 · 29/09/2024 16:31

I've been separated for a year now from my husband And have Been seeing a guy and things are starting to get a bit more serious

He knows he doesn't want kids (his own fine by me) but says he wants to keep pursing things with me and knows that means meeting my 3 year old.

We've agreed to just go to McDonald's with her like a casual setting with no pressure

He has no children experience and says is nervous around them but willing to meet her

Am I doing the right thing or do I just put a stop to it all before it's too late 😬

I want to keep things going with him but scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum

Thanks

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 29/09/2024 16:32

I would be waiting a couple of years

Scutterbug · 29/09/2024 16:33

How long have you been seeing him?

Jennyfromthebronx · 29/09/2024 16:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Ponderingwindow · 29/09/2024 16:35

wait until you have been dating him a year, then do the casual McDonald’s or park meetup.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 29/09/2024 16:35

So you've been seeing him for less than a year? Too soon, imo. Wait another year or two before you start thinking about introducing him.

Meadowfinch · 29/09/2024 16:36

I'd leave it a while yet.

What does she gain by meeting him?

What does he gain by meeting her?

What do you gain from the meeting? What are you trying to achieve?

Why not just carry on dating him. Enjoy your couples time.

DoreenonTill8 · 29/09/2024 16:41

If you've only been separated a year, how long have you been seeing the new man for? Far too early to introduce your toddler!

DMDRAMA · 29/09/2024 19:07

Do you regularly introduce her to friends, including male friends? If so, I don't see introducing a three year old in a casual public place to be a very big deal. I had platonic male friends stay the night occasionally even - so my 3 year old wouldn't have been able to tell the difference. You can see how he interacts with her, and if you sense anything off you can end it before you get emotionally attached.

I think the problem with waiting too long - as mnetters usually suggest - is that you can form close attachments and then might find it difficult to break off the relationship if it doesn't work with the kids. But I think it partly depends on what your socialising norms are.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 29/09/2024 19:08

Focus on your young child and not your sex life.

Thfrog · 29/09/2024 19:09

I want to keep things going with him but scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum don't worry about him worry about your kid. This is too soon.

Thfrog · 29/09/2024 19:12

Plus you are a mum so he has to like it or lump it

StormingNorman · 29/09/2024 19:15

Don’t. If he doesn’t want his own children, he doesn’t want a life dictated by yours.

AltitudeCheck · 29/09/2024 19:21

How did you meet him? Has he asked to meet your child? How well do you know him? Have you met his family/ friends?

I'd be waiting until you've sussed him out a lot better before letting him meet your daughter. Enjoy dating him and getting to know him, but don't rush to make him a part of your daughters life.

BurbageBrook · 29/09/2024 19:22

Sounds too soon.

BurbageBrook · 29/09/2024 19:23

And yeah why are you worrying about HIM and his feelings?

Your DD has to be your first priority.

JayCag · 29/09/2024 19:23

Why do you want to give a man you barely know access to your very young daughter?

GladPanda · 29/09/2024 19:24

Suggesting you should be in a relationship for several years before meeting somebody's child is absolutely nonsense behaviour. It's been a year, not exactly five minutes. Plus, they're young enough that they don't necessarily need to know that he's a romantic partner the very first time you introduce them.

You need to know if he's going to get along with hanging out with a young child, it makes absolutely no sense to wait another 2-3 years to start figuring that out. Anyone who says you should 'put your child first', it seems like that is exactly what you're doing?!

Edit: I incorrectly read your post to mean you had been seeing your current partner for a year. Think it should be long enough that you are content it is serious, but still don't think you need to be waiting years.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/09/2024 19:24

Not even a year yet? Slow down. He doesn't need to meet your daughter.

Boidont · 29/09/2024 19:25

Wait a year. Please.

MrsSkylerWhite · 29/09/2024 19:26

If he’s not interested in children of his own, what makes you think he’s going to tolerate the needs of someone else’s?

YabbaDabbaDooooo · 29/09/2024 19:27

You need to slow down massively.

Plus....

I want to keep things going with him but scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum

You are a mum and he should never forget that.

Thfrog · 29/09/2024 19:27

GladPanda · 29/09/2024 19:24

Suggesting you should be in a relationship for several years before meeting somebody's child is absolutely nonsense behaviour. It's been a year, not exactly five minutes. Plus, they're young enough that they don't necessarily need to know that he's a romantic partner the very first time you introduce them.

You need to know if he's going to get along with hanging out with a young child, it makes absolutely no sense to wait another 2-3 years to start figuring that out. Anyone who says you should 'put your child first', it seems like that is exactly what you're doing?!

Edit: I incorrectly read your post to mean you had been seeing your current partner for a year. Think it should be long enough that you are content it is serious, but still don't think you need to be waiting years.

Edited

scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum

OP needs to get over this hang up first.

JayCag · 29/09/2024 19:27

FFS, based on the OP’s other post, she “got back into the dating scene” approximately 8 weeks ago and downloaded a dating app.

Seriously OP, put your child first- not some man or your sex life. Bringing men into her life like this is dangerous and grossly irresponsible.

DarkDarkNight · 29/09/2024 19:28

You’re moving way too fast. You’ve been separated less than a year, have met someone new and already want to introduce him to your child? Just continue to date him and leave your child out of it for now.

Thfrog · 29/09/2024 19:29

JayCag · 29/09/2024 19:27

FFS, based on the OP’s other post, she “got back into the dating scene” approximately 8 weeks ago and downloaded a dating app.

Seriously OP, put your child first- not some man or your sex life. Bringing men into her life like this is dangerous and grossly irresponsible.

Have you known this guy 2 months OP??