How to introduce toddler to new partner

[zebrastripes99]

I've been separated for a year now from my husband And have Been seeing a guy and things are starting to get a bit more serious

He knows he doesn't want kids (his own fine by me) but says he wants to keep pursing things with me and knows that means meeting my 3 year old.

We've agreed to just go to McDonald's with her like a casual setting with no pressure

He has no children experience and says is nervous around them but willing to meet her

Am I doing the right thing or do I just put a stop to it all before it's too late 😬

I want to keep things going with him but scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum

Thanks

Not only murder, but of course sexual abuse, emotional and physical abuse, and the fact that it's rarely child centred to make a new boyfriend be around them.
I speak from experience, as the former kid.
Dating would be way more enjoyable without making kids get involved.

I'm sorry you had a bad experience with a step-parent, but there are many children who get on well with their step-parents. Surely you can see that if the parent puts the child's needs first and foremost it's better to have 2 adults contributing to a household than one.

@MrsSunshine2b , I agree

I have first hand experience after my cousin married someone with her young son in tow. Her H after initially being great around the son ( who I adored as a teen) but then once married every time I went round he was shouting and belittling my cousin for nothing at all. It was awful. My cousin got rid after having 2 dc with him but my poor younger cousin. His confidence and potential was eroded at a young age and he hasn’t made great life choices as a young adult. Your childhood shapes you adulthood.

@MrsSunshine2b I don’t agree with you re 2 adults under one roof. Though I have my dp but he doesn’t live with me, I don’t need him financially or for anything for my children, I can give them everything they need and so can their biological D ( under a seperate roof).
If you particularly apply your opinion to this situation, the “partner” doesn’t want kids which is a clear signal he’s not going to add anything to this toddlers life!

That's quite an assumption. Step-parenting and parenting are very different roles. More like the role of a childless uncle or aunt, who can also be supportive and positive adults without having or wanting children of their own.

Why does he have to meet your child? How will
your child benefit from this meeting? Why can’t you just keeping seeing him without involving your child?

I want to keep things going with him but scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum

This is absolutely the wrong priority here. You are a mom and need to put your child first.

And still nobody has been able to explain how murder and sexual abuse is likely to happen over the course of a Happy Meal.

If she was saying she was going to leave the child with the new partner babysitting then obviously that wouldn't be ok. Introducing them in a mindful, appropriate way in a neutral setting is fine. And there is no one size fits all approach for time scales to introducing new partners, there are so many individual factors to consider.

I swear some people think that single mums with children who haven't been able to stay with the dad for whatever reason are second class citizens and should simply martyr themselves forever to make up for the breakdown of their relationship.

This! If my husband had waited 2 years to introduce me to his daughter, he'd have been introducing me as his wife of 6 months by then. 😂We've been happily married for a little over 7 years now. I suppose it depends on your personality type and how complex your needs are regarding relationships, but we knew we'd met the right person for each other within a few weeks- we didn't need to wait.

@MrsSunshine2b similar situation with us. My now dh met my then young son within a couple of months. I'd actually known him loosely for a few years through mutual friends so he wasn't a total stranger. We met up in the park and they just had a bit of a chat. The rest is history.

People are so focused on what horrible things could happen, which in one respect is right, we should all protect and prioritise our kids. But sometimes you have to take a sensible leap of faith too. If I hadn't then my ds now wouldn't have a loving stepdad, a nice family home, financial security and a little sister!

@pootlingalong23 , same here , dd1 had already met dp as we were part of the same friendship group . We have been together 20 years, and she now has a brother and sister.