How to introduce toddler to new partner

[zebrastripes99]

I've been separated for a year now from my husband And have Been seeing a guy and things are starting to get a bit more serious

He knows he doesn't want kids (his own fine by me) but says he wants to keep pursing things with me and knows that means meeting my 3 year old.

We've agreed to just go to McDonald's with her like a casual setting with no pressure

He has no children experience and says is nervous around them but willing to meet her

Am I doing the right thing or do I just put a stop to it all before it's too late 😬

I want to keep things going with him but scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum

Thanks

She doesn't "know it's serious," she should be focusing on her child, and the child who already has had a big trauma doesn't need mummy's boyfriend in its life whatsoever.

Why are you more "scared" about boyfriend's reaction than your child?

Slow down, OP.

You only downloaded a dating app on August 2nd.

This man can only be regarded as a very casual boyfriend, not a partner.

You've probably only known him a month or six weeks.

He doesn't need to meet your DD yet. If at all. Wait to see if you're suited to one another.

You're going much too fast.

As others have said - Way way too soon.

No way, there's absolutely no reason to introduce them so soon, you don't know him well enough yourself yet.

If the idea of you being a mother puts him off then so be it, but have a proper conversation with him.

I'd say at least a couple of years before there's any need to introduce them, certainly not months.

This is MN, you aren't allowed any kind of relationship (God forbid sex), until your wain is at least 21. Meanwhile back in the real world, people get divorced, split up and go on to have happy relationships including their existing children with other people.

This

lol. North sane thing though, is it? The OP can have sex with as many people as she jolly well likes, there's still no reason to mix casual boyfriends with DC.

Not the same thing.

I don't tend to agree that you need to be waiting years and years but if it's 8 weeks and especially he's asking specifically to meet her I would really strongly urge you not to introduce them.

She's also at a vulnerable age where she won't yet fully understand what it appropriate and not and may find it difficult to explain to you any discomfort.

Unless you're at the point of thinking of marriage, living together etc I don't know why you'd bother. The idea seems to see if they're compatible somehow? I don't really understand this. I've met a lot of toddlers. They all have different personalities. Some are louder or funnier or more annoying than others. But never in my life have I thought "Little Gracie and I just don't click. We have very different interests and there's just no connection there" about a 3 year old.

He either will or won't be willing to take on a young child. Your daughter either will or won't be ok with mummy having a boyfriend. I don't think it's like dogs where you have to put them in a room together and check nobody bites anyone.

Can't it wait until you're ready for him to be the person you genuinely want to share your life with? And then the bonus she will be a little older.

Hi , I have had a very happy relationship with my current dp who I met when dd1 was 4 . However one thing I will say is , I wonder how well it will work if your dp isn’t interested in having children.

Or how necessary it is for the OP's child to be introduced at all, given that they've only been going out for six weeks.

If he doesn’t want kids, the reality is he isn’t going to want to be around yours a lot and given that you’re presumably their main caretaker It isn’t a great mix.

he will begrudge your child being around so much.

I feel like introducing them (as long as she’s used to meeting your friends) is a good idea (if you’re serious about him) so that YOU can see if you like him around her, not him judging you if you see what I mean. And also, to see if he’s nice enough and good enough to be in both of your lives.

But I wouldn’t if it isn’t serious.

But I wouldn’t if it isn’t serious

At six weeks in, it's hardly serious.

They've been dating a matter of hours. It would show very poor critical thinking skills and safeguarding if OP made her child meet this stranger, and it wouldn't be in the child's best interests whatsoever.

You don't know this man after 6 weeks op, certainly not well enough to introduce him to your DD.

Did he ask you to introduce them or is this coming from you because there are men on dating apps solely for the purpose of finding a single mother to gain access to their child/ren.

She is YOUR DD, she is your priority and it's your job to keep her safe.

Something tells me the OP won’t be back

I'd be really really careful. A year in you don't know a man.

He could be predatory (worst case scenario but so often new men and young children ends badly in my view).

Focus on your daughter for now. Sorry if this is unwelcome advice but that is what I'd do.

My mum started dating a few years after dad died (very young) and it turned into a very messy scenario. I felt doubly bereaved, and like she'd 'left' me and my sibling. Man turned out to be a complete shit (controlling), not to us but poor mum.

I think for the people saying wait a couple of years…. For one thing op will be more ingrained with her boyfriend then. If she doesn’t get a good vibe from him with her dc or he is weird seeing her in mum mode it would be better to know earlier.

also younger children can be more accepting.

i don’t think there’s anything wrong with introducing him as a platonic friend but i would keep it very very minimal and occasional until you know him better and know if this is going to be a long term thing.

But she's known him less than 2 months?? Sorry but that's ridiculous. I don't agree with having to wait two years but come on, six months would be absolutely minimum for most people I'd hope.

er yep you got me there, I hadn’t read the whole thread 🙈
absolutely agree.
6 months maybe, 6 weeks… just why?

Why would you introduce your daughter into your relationship? What exactly is she gaining in this? Especially at this stage, it's waaay too early.

Do you have no free time to yourself where you can conduct a relationship? If you do have your own free time, then just stick with that.

And I'd be concerned that he doesn't want his own children, but wants to meet your toddler, slight alarm bells.

I've had relationships that have lasted years and never felt the need to involve my DC, it's never worth it.

Yes. Two years is a bit much.

But six weeks? Just no.