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Original poster

How to introduce toddler to new partner

135 replies

zebrastripes99 · 29/09/2024 16:31

I've been separated for a year now from my husband And have Been seeing a guy and things are starting to get a bit more serious

He knows he doesn't want kids (his own fine by me) but says he wants to keep pursing things with me and knows that means meeting my 3 year old.

We've agreed to just go to McDonald's with her like a casual setting with no pressure

He has no children experience and says is nervous around them but willing to meet her

Am I doing the right thing or do I just put a stop to it all before it's too late 😬

I want to keep things going with him but scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum

Thanks

OP posts:
Lincoln24 · 29/09/2024 19:30

I actually think the opposite to most on this thread, I think if this is serious and you see a future with this man it's better to introduce now and not in a year or two.

Firstly you will see if he is being realistic when he says he wants to be with you child and all, he may think this but meeting your child in person may make him think otherwise.

Secondly, it's easier to introduce a new partner to a three year old than to a five or six year old. By the latter ages they are very much used to it being the two of you only and introducing someone else can be extremely disruptive. Of course it's a big deal at three as well but it's not the end of life as they know it (I speak from experience as a lone parent).

Just introduce him as a friend initially, not "here is your new father".

GladPanda · 29/09/2024 19:34

Thfrog · 29/09/2024 19:27

scared he'll hate me/my child in a situation where he has to view me as a mum

OP needs to get over this hang up first.

Show quote history

Yeah. If this guy's behaviour is contributing to that insecurity in any way, there is no point introducing him a child. I incorrectly read the OP to mean she had been her partner for a year - which would kinda imply he was on board with being in a relationship with a parent. It seems like I was massively off with that timeline! I still don't think it's a good thing to wait for ages to make the introduction but I agree that OP needs to be confident in the relationship before arranging a meeting.

PurpleChrayn · 29/09/2024 19:37

Concentrate on your child and don't introduce her to sketty men.

MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 29/09/2024 19:39

Don't. She doesn't need to be involved in your love life.

Simonjt · 29/09/2024 19:39

How long have you been seeing him? My now husband met my just turned four year old after almost seven months, he was used to having lots of my friends round, meeting new rugby friends etc so meeting a new adult with me wasn’t unusual really, he also hadn’t gone through the trauma of a split.

The whole not wanting kids doesn’t really tally up, if someone doesn’t want children dating someone with children who aren’t adults yet seems fairly silly, as it means either the relationship doesn’t progress, or living with a child you don’t want to live with.

I get the nervousness over being seen differently, because when we’re in parent mode we are different, the person your dating has to happy to be the spare part when you’re around your child/ren.

Dweetfidilove · 29/09/2024 19:44

Whilst you're hung up on how he'll view you as a mum is not the time for introduction. Especially as he also doesn't want children.

Date him for a while longer. Let him get accustomed to the idea of you being a mom - having to cancel a date because your child is X, blend into the crowd at a birthday party, hear you talk about your child in conversation/him genuinely ask about or take anything interest in her... That will, in time, give you an idea as to whether he's ready for a serious relationship with you.

cannynotsay · 29/09/2024 19:48

Just don't, you don't know this man well enough! Don't risk your daughter

Patienceinshortsupply · 29/09/2024 19:50

Jesus wept, OP, why on earth does she need to know the man that mummy is having sex with? It's never going to work if he doesn't want kids as he clearly doesn't want to be around them.

I honestly despair at times at how desperate women can be on here.

Changeyourfuckingcar · 29/09/2024 19:53

If pp is right, and it’s only been 8 weeks, you’re being absolutely bonkers to even consider that this might be a good idea. I wouldn’t trust a man who was keen to meet my very young daughter after such a short amount of time. Red flags all over the place, from both of you.

NiftyKoala · 29/09/2024 20:04

Going by your other thread this is way way waaaaayyy to soon.

MissSkegness1951 · 29/09/2024 20:04

How can it be bloody serious after only eight weeks? You barely know him!

He's made it clear he isn't even interested in children.

Concentrate on your child and if your child is away at her dads then you can date him or someone else, with NO need to introduce them to your child.

Absolutely appalling if this is true.

Eight weeks!!!

AnonAnonmystery · 29/09/2024 20:15

Agree with the others, too early do my advice is leave it. My dp met my children 2.5 years into the relationship.

countrysidelife2024 · 29/09/2024 20:16

Oh gosh do not introduce your new partner before at least a couple of years i mean come on, that's your baby don't put them at risk. You have only been separated for a year.

countrysidelife2024 · 29/09/2024 20:17

Lincoln24 · 29/09/2024 19:30

I actually think the opposite to most on this thread, I think if this is serious and you see a future with this man it's better to introduce now and not in a year or two.

Firstly you will see if he is being realistic when he says he wants to be with you child and all, he may think this but meeting your child in person may make him think otherwise.

Secondly, it's easier to introduce a new partner to a three year old than to a five or six year old. By the latter ages they are very much used to it being the two of you only and introducing someone else can be extremely disruptive. Of course it's a big deal at three as well but it's not the end of life as they know it (I speak from experience as a lone parent).

Just introduce him as a friend initially, not "here is your new father".

" i think if this is serious.." .... She has known him for 8 weeks .... No it isnt that damn serious is it

AnonAnonmystery · 29/09/2024 20:22

Also .., I really wouldn’t say he was a “partner” at this stage of the relationship. Partners are the ones who have seen you through hard times, looked after you when sick, and do all the mundane stuff with you as well as all the fun nicerthings that come in a relationship. I really think the gusto you are showing is very naive. Get to know the man properly before introducing to your toddler. These rash decisions are often what causes abuse of young children, plus he doesn’t want kids so why would you think he’d want to spend time with your dc?

Scout2016 · 29/09/2024 21:06

A year between splitting from husband, getting new boyfriend and introducing them to your child is too soon. Prioritise your child. Your post is all about you and what your boyfriend might think.

Berlinlover · 29/09/2024 21:15

If he doesn’t want children why would he want to take on your daughter? He’s not the man for you.

napody · 29/09/2024 21:21

Changeyourfuckingcar · 29/09/2024 19:53

If pp is right, and it’s only been 8 weeks, you’re being absolutely bonkers to even consider that this might be a good idea. I wouldn’t trust a man who was keen to meet my very young daughter after such a short amount of time. Red flags all over the place, from both of you.

I agree with this. He 'knows he needs to meet her'.... did he bring this up? You need to be so careful with this kind of thing. Did you tell him from the off you had a daughter?
Obviously he's probably not a paedophile. But as a parent you need to keep your wits about you.

Carouselfish · 29/09/2024 21:21

Wait at least a year. Realise a man is not a necessity. Don't date someone who 'doesn't want kids'. If he doesn't want his own why would he make room for someone else's?

readysteadynono · 29/09/2024 21:22

Don’t

User37482 · 29/09/2024 21:23

Too soon, way too soon to be introducing your young child to a random bloke that even you don’t know very well.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 29/09/2024 21:24

Why the rush??

I would wait a long time and not rush anything. Please don’t end up moving him in. No problem having a boyfriend but focus on your child and what’s best for the child here.

Thirdleg · 29/09/2024 21:24

This reply has been deleted

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YabbaDabbaDooooo · 29/09/2024 21:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

And yet according to the OP, Mr 8 weeks is her 'partner'.

NeverHadHaveHas · 29/09/2024 21:31

Just no. Why are no alarm bells going off for you? He’s a man who says he doesn’t want children. What future do you see with him if he actively doesn’t want to be around children. How do you forsee that will make him treat your child? Think it through for heavens sake. Children can tell when people don’t want them around, however much they think they can hide it.