AIBU? Been on 2 dates and he keeps saying sexual things which is making me uncomfortable

[Anonymousmummmy]

This is kind of a AIBU one. I (late twenties) started talking to a guy (late thirties) around a month ago and we are getting on like a house on fire. He’s literally great; everything I’ve been looking for and seems to be super into me. We are both after something serious and want marriage/children. We’ve been on 2 dates but haven’t kissed yet because I haven’t been ready to. We speak on the phone, message, and send voice notes multiple times each day. He started saying the odd sexual thing which I kind of ignored or laughed off each time, but it’s started getting more and more and it’s making me feel uncomfortable and making me back off which I really don’t want. I am quite a reserved person and I’ve made this clear to him.

He said something really sexual yesterday about what he likes done to him and I told him nicely that it’s too much and too soon to be saying stuff like that to me. He then replied something sexual again to me!

I appreciate everyone’s different but I won’t have sex with someone unless I’m exclusive with them and can see it (hope it will anyway) going all the way with them, and I don’t tend to kiss someone until at least a few dates in when I’m more comfortable around them. He keeps saying it’s lucky he’s so patient. I mean, we’ve only been on 2 dates I’m not really sure what he was expecting.

Anyway! This is THE only thing I’m not liking; everything else couldn’t be more perfect. How can I tell him to stop sending messages to me like this without pushing him away or making him feel embarrassed or annoyed with my response? Am I being over the top and this is very normal?

Usually guys I date don’t talk like this in the beginning; it’s only when I’ve got to know them a lot better and then the ‘other side’ of them comes out, and so does mine! Obviously the more subtle odd comment here and there is nice but explaining what he likes sexually and what he wants me to do to him and how to act is a complete turn off at this point to me.

What a creepy, passive aggressive little bitch.
Dump him at your earliest convenience.
I'd probably dump him just for using so many emojis and multiple exclamation marks. What is he, an overwrought 15 year old? Gross.
Also, he obviously thinks himself witty, but he has delusions of adequacy about that.

Ah mate, he's awful.

I'm getting passive aggressive sex pest from those cringe messages.

He’s pushing to have sex, when you’ve made it clear, you’re not ready and would prefer to get to know him first.If he genuinely wanted to have a relationship with you, he would be respecting how you feel.
Been in a similar situation, met someone who l got on really well with, on second date, asking when were we going to be having sex.When l said l didn’t know, he said is it going to be another 2, 3 dates! Completely put me off.
Went with my gut feeling, didn’t meet up with him again.

The more you say about him, the creepier he sounds. Also, the stuff about not wanting marriage then changing his tune when you said that’s what you wanted smacks of him saying whatever it takes to string you along. As others have said, bin him off. You literally told him it was too much too soon and he just ignored it. 🚩🚩

He sounds revolting.

You can tell everything from those messages. He cares nothing about your boundaries, in fact he enjoys the thought of making you uncomfortable like it's a kink. RUN VERY FAR AWAY.

I’ve noticed guys who over use emojis when they don’t really know you are often doing it disguise their true feelings.

They are essentially disrespecting you but then covering it up with lotsa 😂 and 🤣, so that if you get offended they can easily backtrack and say “oh it’s only a joke you’re so sensitive blah blah “

The red flags are strong on this one 🚩

Exactly. They're being disingenuous. They aren't really feeling the things the emojis suggest at all. I think he was actually angry when he wrote those messages. They ooze hostility.
It reminds me of some childish people here on MN who get pissed off at you so they do this; 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 followed or preceded by some lame insult. They're most likely not really amused, and definitely not to the extent that justifies even one tears of laughter emoji, let alone a whole line of them. They're just trying to hide how angry they are and to humiliate you.
So tiresome. This guy is an idiot.

Ewwwwww

Ok I don't mind sexual messages but those are awful.

Nothing appealing or sexy about this. Ugh. He's gross. I'm sorry OP.

So this will be the fourth time you that ask him not to speak like that to you? That's 3 more times than someone who cares about you needs to be told.

you told him clearly it makes you uncomfortable, he heard that and chose to make you uncomfortable....and he had no consequences, in fact he got rewarded with another date, continued contact.

why is he doing it? Because you're letting him and showing that your discomfort isn't important - that you will put up with disrespect for (fake) connection

Bro just wants a shag. I'm sorry.

Urgh dump him. He's only in it for the sex. Sorry but it's true. Relationships that start like that are NEVER the ones that go the distance. So if you want fun and a short term relationship go for it, for a serious relationship nope.

Ewwww, his messages. He sounds like a dim-witted, useless, dramatic, jackass.

I hope you’ve told him he’s a whiny little baby and blocked him.

Ps! Good for you for listening to your discomfort and writing here to double check/ validate your instincts. But your instincts were correct.
don’t have a scarcity mentality around finding a partner. It will have you ignoring your own gut instincts, and tolerating things you shouldn’t.

After 2 dates you are “lucky he’s been so patient” Vile.
Like you op, I need to know somebody before I shag them. No judgement for those that just crack on but it’s not my thing. This dickhead clearly has very different expectations so into the bin and onto the next.

Those messages are awful.
He's doing this deliberately because he knows it makes you uncomfortable.
Awful man.
Bin and Block

Ewww those messages are gross no wonder he is single late thirties … why do men think that turns women on!! ( in fairness in my 20s/30s I fell for that crap but still not a turn on)

Block and bin him, he's not compatible with your values. Don't waste anymore of your precious time with him.

Oooh no OP.

Euww is indeed the first thing that came to my mind reading those messages as well.

This is a good lesson in trusting your gut.

He keeps saying it’s lucky he’s so patient

Dear God

Get rid

Hes AWFUL

*‘I’m ramping it up now… haha, stay calm! Don’t let me intimidate you!! ‘Too’ much!! 🤣🤣🤣’

‘OH (my name)!!!!!!! You’re in for a shock haha, is it because I said………… ‘ERECTION!?’ 🤣🤣🤣’

’Thankfully I am very well know for my INCREDIBLE, never ending, relentless patience!! 😰😰😰 Just hope I don’t get one (an erection) around you any time soon!! 🤣’

’I usually buy a girl lingerie on the ~third~ forth date, but maybe it’s ’TOO BLOODY SOON’ 😤 haha’*

It doesn't matter HOW much he love bombs you .....just one of these would mean I'd block and delete for ever

Have self respect 🥰

If you are not sure how to end this, before you block him just say something along the lines of

I don't think this is going to work out, you are being persistent in making sexual references and it's making me uncomfortable. And then block as you do not want to get into to back and forth about it.

Ooooh 🤮🤮
If a man tried to buy me lingerie on a 3rd/4th date I would tell him where to go! And yes always too soon until I say it’s ok and even then still no.
He sounds really creepy OP. I would get rid of him.

He sounds a creep OP

What a revolting specimen of a man! Please tell us you have sent a bland “Hi, I don’t think it’s going to work out between us.” And blocked.