AIBU? Been on 2 dates and he keeps saying sexual things which is making me uncomfortable

[Anonymousmummmy]

This is kind of a AIBU one. I (late twenties) started talking to a guy (late thirties) around a month ago and we are getting on like a house on fire. He’s literally great; everything I’ve been looking for and seems to be super into me. We are both after something serious and want marriage/children. We’ve been on 2 dates but haven’t kissed yet because I haven’t been ready to. We speak on the phone, message, and send voice notes multiple times each day. He started saying the odd sexual thing which I kind of ignored or laughed off each time, but it’s started getting more and more and it’s making me feel uncomfortable and making me back off which I really don’t want. I am quite a reserved person and I’ve made this clear to him.

He said something really sexual yesterday about what he likes done to him and I told him nicely that it’s too much and too soon to be saying stuff like that to me. He then replied something sexual again to me!

I appreciate everyone’s different but I won’t have sex with someone unless I’m exclusive with them and can see it (hope it will anyway) going all the way with them, and I don’t tend to kiss someone until at least a few dates in when I’m more comfortable around them. He keeps saying it’s lucky he’s so patient. I mean, we’ve only been on 2 dates I’m not really sure what he was expecting.

Anyway! This is THE only thing I’m not liking; everything else couldn’t be more perfect. How can I tell him to stop sending messages to me like this without pushing him away or making him feel embarrassed or annoyed with my response? Am I being over the top and this is very normal?

Usually guys I date don’t talk like this in the beginning; it’s only when I’ve got to know them a lot better and then the ‘other side’ of them comes out, and so does mine! Obviously the more subtle odd comment here and there is nice but explaining what he likes sexually and what he wants me to do to him and how to act is a complete turn off at this point to me.

Oh guys thank you💜 I’m so disappointed but honestly you’ve all opened my eyes. I didn’t see it at all before and thought he was perfect but now I’m starting to think things like he initially said he wasn’t sure about marriage and then I said I wanted marriage and then he changed him tune and said that actually he did want marriage… Just the way he’d say everything made it all sound so positive and true. Bloody men🙄 Anyone have any single male friends they want to set me up with?🤪 Kidding. But thank you all. I’m a bit stupid and naive when it comes to dating - I fall for it all, every damn time.

And he is bloody lucky you don't know anyone with a taser. Get to feck ya rabid horndog

I ditched an otherwise potentially good guy for inappropriate sexual remarks after two dates, he obviously wanted a third date to go a certain way but I shut him down because of what he was suggesting he liked! Too much too soon is a red flag

Run for the hills!! Previous posters have explained why far more eloquently than I would be able to. It really shouldn't be this complicated 2 dates in. He isn't "perfect" he's just after a shag and he will say anything to get in your knickers. Don't even explain why or debate it with him. Just go cold/ block & delete/ be as off-putting as possible to him.

Your lucky he's so patient?? After two dates. What would he do if he was patient? Kiss you without your consent or worse?? So you're 'lucky' he doesn't do that. He's pushing your boundaries. You don't want to kiss him yet and he is making ongoing sexual comments when you've asked him not to. That doesn't sound nice at all. The rest is probably charm to try and get into your pants. Yuck!

Dump him.

I would not be up for this at all. Time to chuck Randy Ronnie in the bin! Goodness me, lucky he’s so patient? Is he 16🙄

Massive turn off.

It’s not unreasonable for someone to want a relationship to become sexual with someone they are dating.

It’s quite healthy to discuss what you each like sexually.

It is totally unacceptable for him not to be respecting your boundaries. If he can’t respect what you want over a text message, there’s very little chance he’ll respect your boundaries in the bedroom.

PinkBonBon is fully correct please read her post again.
Of you haven’t already done so, have you dumped and blocked?

Oh FFS Op. He is not 'literally great'. He's already starting to test how far he can push your boundaries, even when you have been clear that he is making you uncomfortable. It's a complete turn off for you. Things will only go downhill from here. Ditch him and don't look back.

Very well said.

Sadly it’s not normally a secret , its usually experience first hand.

I was thinking exactly this, to ignore your boundary so obviously is a huge red flag. He's testing the waters of what you will put up with. Also to have someone be SO perfect and exactly what you want etc. very much could all be an act!

He’s waving a huge red flag isn’t he! He may have talked about wanting long term but his actions are shouting the opposite. Watch the actions! A lot of people like to tell you what you want to hear…

He’s a sex pest. Throw him back.

Sounds creepy. Get rid.

Well done for seeing the light, even the guys I dated as a teenager were more gentlemanly than that.

It doesn't matter if it's THE only thing you don't like, run for the hills. He's a sleaze ball, ignoring your clear boundaries and introducing as much smut as he thinks he can get away with. Huge red flag.

He should have stopped the minute you said you were uncomfortable. You were very clear about your boundaries, and that left him with two options: respect them and stop saying those things, or move on. He however appears to think there's a third option of ignoring you and pushing what he wants on to you. Decent men never do this. He's not perfect. He's not even close.

I went on a date with one 3 weeks ago, took my dog for a walk. Then virtually followed me back which actually freaked me out. Stood bottom of my garden asking if that was it. He was expecting a free shag and walking my dog was free ( never again) As soon as he got home thankfully he didn’t say a word, taught me a valuable lesson. Sorry to say, this one is after sex and isn’t respecting your boundaries. Get rid and block, your worth more

Joining the chorus of "Bin the creep".

He's a creep. Throw him back.

Most men who are single in their late 30s, are single in their late 30s for a reason.

The clues are there.
Good on you for listening to your gut and voicing your worries .

You've had a good response on MN.
Please update us when you've called it off You deserve someone lovely.

You're sexually incompatible. It's crucial for a happy long term relationship that you're both on the same page sexually. In this case you two are not so go your separate ways.