Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

@SnugCoralFinch - I reckon he's just out for what he can get, casual sex or otherwise.

I'm meeting Mr Nice tonight - 4th date - will be sober & driving so no chance of a drunken shag/snog!

Provisionally booked in Mr Music for a date on Monday or Tuesday after work.

They're like bloody buses - none for ages then 2-3 come along!!

Well I have an update.... still seeing the guy I met 2 months ago and officially my 'drought' is over. We consumated things last weekend as it were - many times in fact - and eh, I mean this literally when I say he officially 'ticks' all the boxes ;)

Wonderful news!!!! We need more of these!!!!

Totally unexpected. It has all come out of nowhere but I am happy with how things are going anyway. The chemistry is there in every sense of the word. We stayed in bed most of the other day having been out the night before for dinner etc and I honestly couldnt wait to get him naked but was nervous as you would be with anyone new but it was so non awkward. It is like we knew each others bodies already. No embarassment or anything.

Meanwhile mine is more complicated. Large group of friends who follow a local band. Had a date with one of them (Mr Beard)) which went well and he was keen to meet again but then he didn’t want to pursue it with me - fair enough. But wherever we meet at parties etc he is clearly still gazing at me like he fancies me. Meanwhile another one of the group (Mr Cleanshaven) is in hot pursuit but have told him I am not in the right place for a relationship. (Is a large and fluid group).
On Tuesday a few of us went out for birthday drinks for one of the group and Mr Beard was hugely attentive to me. But not making any actual move. Meanwhile Mr Cleanshaven had ordered a taxi and as I live near him we shared it.
we are all meeting up again at a party on Saturday.
I really fancy Mr Beard, but as he knows full well I am attracted to him but he isn’t moving in, am tempted to give Me Cleanshaven a chance.
Dunno what to do.

Hi @everyone 🙂 first post 👋 37yr old divorced three kids, never done OLD. Have had a few disastrous flings post separation 🫣 with men met IRL
Have a walking date with a guy on Sunday met via a Fb hiking group for single people (sounds tragic) he seems nice so far but doesn’t seem to see his kids much which is a bit of a red flag 🚩 he says he has a complicated relationship with his ex and had to go to court for custody. My trust in men is at an all time 0….how do you balance getting to know someone with the desire to interrogate them to reveal if they are indeed a nice person! I can be pretty direct as in a board level position at work and one of the guys I have met post divorce did mention I could be “scary” intimidating tho he went on to ghost 👻 so who is the scary one really! Any tips greatly received xxx

Just joining the thread and enjoying reading everyone's stories I've been single for about 10 months. Had a few short term things which didn't work out. Why is it the ones you like don't like you and the ones you don't like really do. Ive had a bit of a date fest lately but it's just such hard work

And the latest update from my why the fuck do I bother with OLD

• a message from a man with username c**tmuncher.
• a bloke messaging me to tell me liking house music and going to festivals is a bit sad at my age
• a 75 year old who resembles Dobby telling me I’m his soulmate

Plus the usual succession of ‘hi’ and 👋 messages.

Im so envious of this of you who have several chats and dates on the go. It’s literally tumbleweed for me. Not had a date yet in 2 months of OLD and only a handful of chats more than 2/3 messages.

Hi everyone

I've just been on a first date with a guy tonight. He seems like a really lovely guy who definitely has the right morals. I wasn't nervous at all going, and I don't feel under pressure waiting for a text etc from him.

Probably is, there was no spark for me. Maybe this is why I wasn't nervous! He was great chat, and personality wise he had a lot of qualities I like, but I've not got those butterflies or excitement.

I have a feeling he'll ask em out again. I'd it worth going for a second? I just can't see me feeling any different.... or do I go again just to see?

I want to come away from a date giddy and excited waiting for a text etc. That's not how I feel.

Why do 20-23 year olds love me?

They don't ;)

@cookiedough174

I didn't have excitement about my BF who I am very excited about now on the first dates, but I knew I liked him a lot as a person through a lot of messages beforehand for a while, we just couldn't meet quickly. I also felt extremely comfortable and safe next to him. Had I met him straight away I probably would have ruled him out because his physique was extremely different from what I thought I fancy, though I found his face attractive.

I had discarded a few previous dates because of no attraction too, and now I wonder if was possibly too hasty. Now I think if there is no revulsion at the idea of kissing them, to give it a chance to develop. I only knew I could actually fancy who became my future bf when I eventually went for a good bye kiss (after a few dates) and actually it was phwoarh! all butterflies woke up haha. I was truly surprised at myself, I also thought I was the sort of person who "knows" at first sight.

@cookiedough174

Personally I’d go for another date and see if you think there’s any potential. I’m a slow burn sort of girl so I never feel that instant spark. I do wonder now if I’ve written men off too soon for fairly minor reasons that maybe I should have gone on another date with.

My ex husband I didn’t fancy at all. We got to know each other through friends and it took me 5 months to agree to go on a date with him but slowly he grew on me and we lasted 25 years so there’s a lot to be said from taking it slow.

Thank you both!
I agree, I know I've wrote people off too early in the past too which is why I'm doubting myself here.
But when I say no spark, I do mean it. I wouldn't like him to kiss me. And I feel mean saying that as he's a nice guy!
But do I just go for the second date to make sure or is that cruel? He seems quite introverted so I wouldn't want to lead him in and hurt him.
But I don't actually think I want to meet him again. I want to feel excited or attracted in some way :(

Just wondering how long until you would expect to be official bf/gf kind of label? It’s been 4 months it’s all good. Both off apps. But when approached he’s just going with the flow. I’m happy as im not in a hurry. But obviously don’t want to get hurt either if we get a few months down the line and still in the same position…,Any thoughts?

Please explain. What would you know of it?

Your comment felt like a weird side swipe at a stranger.

I meant ‘like’ as in press like and want to talk to me. They do - thousands of them. So I was interested to see if others have young guys liking them because I think it’s a bit of a thing among young guys, talking to older women. And some of them are great company.

@Caramellie3 - four months seems like a long time not to have an official bf/gf label. Have you met each other’s friends etc?

valentinka31 Yes I'm 42 & get loads of interest from probably 24-28 in the main, but some as young as 18. Generally though, if I chat with them, they just want the novelty of saying to their friends that they've been with an older woman, they aren't actually interested in building anything relationship-wise with me, although they will sometimes say that they are, but the chat always turns to things like 'I bet you know loads of moves/have loads of experience in bed' etc.

That's possibly what PP meant? That they aren't actually interested.

But obviously I don't know what PP meant & we don't know each other on here, it's all just guess-work really basing it on our own experiences isn't it!

Caramellie3 If you are both off Apps & things are getting serious then does it need a label? Is he saying go with the flow as in he's not committed, do you think? Or as in he likes how things are going but doesn't want to label it? (Slightly envious as I've never had anything from OLD last 4 months)

@valentinka31 yes they love the idea of a older woman generally comes across if you message someone in their twenties/early 30’s. Depends how old you are I guess to whether there is a age difference and if they see you as older.
@occhiazzurri no I’m new to the dating world. It hadn’t really crossed my mind until he mentioned it recently so it’s on the cards. I don’t know how to introduce him without making it a big deal. I’d prefer it not to be! Any one any tips on that one?

cookiedough174 Normally I'd agree with have a second date because first dates can be weird, you are both nervous & possibly not at your best etc, but I think that if you are sure that you really wouldn't want to kiss him then this time I'd just tell him that there wasn't a spark & move on, to be kind.

(Sorry about the multiple posts, being attacked by my cat when trying to write!)

@NervesOfCotton I think it’s just how he is. I don’t like to feel pressured so it works for me. But in a few more months I may not. I guess I’m just trying to think about now. Plus I’m enjoying it. We did meet on an app. There is a few differences in our lives that may be I wouldn’t have considered previously but it works and the attraction and similarities are all good!

Caramellie3 oh it sounds like it's going well so far! Lovely. Maybe as occhiazzurri said, mention meeting some friends/family (the meet doesn't have to be now if you aren't ready for that) but I think seeing his reaction will tell you if he's in it for the long term or not. Good luck with it all

@NervesOfCotton thank you!
I've slept on it and I'm not going to go in a second date.
Whilst he does seem like a really nice guy and he's easy to talk to, I just know he isn't for me. Just a few little things he said don't match up with me and my life lifestyle with children and also.... I just really don't fancy him.
I do think he liked me though and I don't want to lead him on. He told me he's close with his mum as she was excited about the date. Whilst that's really lovely and sweet it makes me feel sad to let him down.

He did message me asking if I wanted a second date but it was fine either way 😬🤷🏼‍♀️

Im finding it hard to swipe on anyone at the minute! I do have one other chat going on but it's not going anyway. I just want a good chat with good banter! Is that too hard to ask 😂