Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

cookiedough174 Yes I think just get it over with so that you don't feel like you are stringing him along.
He sounds great though, can I have him?

I'm not getting anywhere at all. The ones who swipe on me are miles away & the ones who I swipe on don't swipe back. I've not had a chat for ages & I just keep having seen them all on Bumble & having to wait for some more!

The free site is just as bad. 20 years younger or 20 years older, are the only ones interested. And I'm not interested in any of them!

I've had more luck with Facebook dating, much to my surprise.

I find the filters better than the paid sites eg can filter for degree-educated, and you don't have to use your normal profile picture.

I've got a date coming up on Monday/Tuesday through that, and another through Bumble.

But I only do it in short bursts as it's generally so bloody awful, then freeze my profile for a few months.

He sounds great though, can I have him?
😂😂😂
I like this idea -swapsies😁
I am taking a friend tonight to a party where I know a lovely guy will be. I don’t fancy him but he is a nice and interesting person and quite good looking. He has similar interests to my friend (different to mine-I am more sporty and she is more cultural).
I haven’t told her or him but will introduce them 😁😁😁

@VanillaSox @NervesOfCotton
Hahaha! He does sounds great doesn't he!
But I think it's good that I'm figuring out what is important to me. I am very much looking for a non-lads lad nice guy but banter and attraction is important to me!
It's just occurred to me that there was no banter at all last night... maybe that's what put me off.
I do think attraction comes from personality too though...

I've sent him a message this morning.

Hopefully I can find a new chat soon!

VanillaSox Ooh look at you, matchmaker! I hope you have a lovely evening.

I'm supposed to be going out for a drink with my mum tonight... So she's going to be trying to find me a man & she's a bloody nightmare. Any man with a pulse will do & she will drag them over & try to make them sit with us... Wish me luck!

😂😂😂

It was a shorter night than anticipated, so I'm home!

Had a lovely chat with a man at the bus stop earlier, he made me feel at ease, made me laugh, laughed at something that I said, I took a little look & he looked nice, cute smile... Then he moved his hair from his eyes & I spotted the wedding ring

No, just “guys love me” was a bit of a big word to use, like you are being followed by a batallion of young men pining after you at all times.
If you said I get lots of likes, it would be more understandable, but also I was sure that every single woman over 35-40 on the apps has experienced it? It’s such a well known thing, I am in my 40s and when eventually took off the dealbreaker box on age I discovered I was buried under the avalanche of likes from guys as young as 18 🙄
Some write very romantic messages alongside the likes but surely no one ever seriously thinks it’s about love or long term relationships? 🤔

I remember discussing it with a 45 year old friend with a 18 year old daughter, she said she noticed if she gets into a lift with a man roughly her age, the man would be (surreptitiously) looking at her daughter. However if it’s a young lad, he is far more likely to be ogling her, the mother. She says it’s a weird stage where she constantly feels the attraction from esp guys in their 20s
It’s not in any way flattering or inspiring but seems to be a fact of life 🤷‍♀️

I am not so worldly-wise as you so I didn’t know it was such a thing, hence my question. And tbf they do behave as if pining with love for me, but perhaps that’s just their approach.

I find it both flattering and inspiring though, and I have carried it through to real life and it was amazing. Best sex and best open, straight interaction about everything, and clear, sensible, respected boundaries. I liked it.

If it was that great, what does it matter why they were attracted to you and surely they told you themselves if you had clear and open interaction?
(though have no idea of your age and if the older woman phenomenon even applies here?) and why not continue the relationship/romance/love? since it sounded like everything was going well with each and every one of them?

Just go for it ☺️

Sorry, I think I must be making it confusing.

my question was: why do 20-23 year olds press like then also genuinely like me when yes I am way older.

then in answer to your comment that this is just a standard phenomenon and it’s neither flattering nor inspiring, I shared that I found it both, and had had a very good reallife experience with someone that age. But not with the thousands. ?! With one person. Don’t know why it was assumed I’d had - what? Multiple ONSes?

This is a thread about OLD. I’m just so surprised so many young guys do really like older women, but then tbf in rl it was a great dynamic.

So the nice I guy I went on a date with on Friday.....
I sent him a nice, kind message say morning and he never replied!

I know it's not a big deal and I know that he may have been disappointed.... but that was hard message to send and him not replying made me feel better about sending it!

I've had to reject a date before and always had a response/kind message back and it makes such a difference to how you feel about that person and that situation!

Anyway, I know it's no big deal and I know the reason behind it etc etc, but yeah. I just thought he would have acknowledged my message! He was SO nice and kind throughout, and then nothing.
Kindness goes a long way doesn't it 😊

cookiedough174 I actually prefer it when they ignore, or even send an unkind message back (hear me out!) Because it says to me that I was right to have ended things. When they send a nice, kind message back it makes me wobble & wonder if I made the right decision

So, I have a third date tonight, with someone who i really like. We have lots on common and I can see lots of potential.

She is coming over to mine, and I am cooking for her and watching a film. Date two was similar and around mine but I was very conscious about not making her feel uncomfortable so limited things to subtly touching her leg etc.

Curious to hear what others would expect in her shoes, and how I should play it. I want to be a gentleman but also make it clear that I do like her...without putting any pressure on her...

@MrBig0 I take it you haven't kissed yet... I would probably ask her at some point, if you can kiss her? How did she react to you touching her leg?

No, we had a quick kiss on the lips ( closed mouth ) when she left last time, and she has said she really enjoyed the last date.

I actually suggested either a cosy night in or a fun night out and she chose cosy night in....

Is it not a bit old fashioned to ask for a kiss, or is it seen as polite and the right thing to do? I know I'll be like a box of pringles, once the seals broken there'll be no stopping me and the kissing! 😀

@MrBig0 I understand some people like taking it slow, but surely kissing should be on the cards by date 3 (more than peck on the lips). I don't think asking for consent is old-fashioned, on the contrary, and either she'll go for it, or may tell you why she isn't comfortable with kissing yet.

No one likes rejection though and perhaps he's been there before. Agree if he'd been cool about it, I'd have thought twice but I think lots of people like to keep men who are attracted, as friends

@Realdeal1 oh no I didn't want to keep friends with him. And I didn't necessarily expect anything from him either, he doesn't owe me anything I guess! I was just suprised I guess. He'd been really lovely and then to ignore me made me think... hmm maybe. Not as lovely as I thought! I guess it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I still hope he goes on to find what he's looking for.

I haven't got any chats at the minute. I have a few matches on bumbles with completely blank profiles... I have been trying my best to think of convo starters but it's exhausting! I've got loads of prompts on my profile, why can't they start the convo 🙈

Well, it went pretty much as i had hoped!

Should make any future dates a bit more physical and things can move forward.

@cookiedough174 someone once did this to me (i went on a date but when i said thanks but not thanks, they didnt reply) and a friend said i was essentially a constant reminder of rejection so no wonder they didnt want to keep in touch. People have limited time and they just want to meet someone rather than collect friends. I bet if more people were nicer, someone would think twice

First date tonight with Mr Music. Not entirely sure how it will go, as he seems quite serious, is 5 years older & doesn't live locally.

Mr Local is away on holiday (seen him a few times) so need to make decision one way or other.

I've never had 2 dates in close succession & can't be bothered with all the messaging etc. One is definite enough!!

Perhaps he was thinking...I have pulled out all the stops and been lovely and @Realdeal1 slapped me down and rejected me.
It's a tricky one, maybe you got his hopes up and then dashed them!

@Dauntedbydating that wasnt me!

@Dauntedbydating I didn't get his hopes up, I went on a date with him that's all. We're all responsible for our own feelings. I had done nothing to lead him on.
Anyway it's not that big of a deal. It was just an observation I was airing with people in the same boat!