Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Bloke no 3 was very chatty and has now ghosted. Bloke no 4 hasn’t seen his ex or children (all late teens/early 20s) since he was kicked out 4 years ago….red flags galore!!

it is great to read on here that others are having more luck!

Hello everyone!
I used to be a regular poster on the dating threads but took a huge disinterest in OLD over the summer and disappeared. I have signed back online now but again.. just feel very meh about it all! The profiles just seem the same as last year, same faces, same hiking and Sunday roast references 🙈

Anyway. Last week I got chatting to a guy. We seem to have stuff in common and it has been a two way conversation... and so far he hasn't asked me once what I'm up to or how my weekend is going - hurrah! 😅

Anyway, he asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink last week. I put forward today's date but told him I'm only free in the evening due to other commitments. He replied saying that that was fine but he'll leave it with me incase I'm busy. He'll keep it free. I told him it's fine I'll be free.

Convo has countied but no more about meeting up. Anyway it turns out I won't be free this evening. I think the lack of any hype of excitement/effort has just turned me off. He hasn't even put forward a place to meet or time.... I don't want to arrange the date I've been asked on 🙈

I know he was being considerate of my busy day, but I put that date and time forward and never said it was an issue.

Anyway I've just messaged aplogising and asked if he's free next weekend so will see.

How would you guys feel about this?
He seems like a nice person and the convo does feel different. But this situation has just put me off abit. The first date should be exciting, no? 🙈

@ccookiedough174 hmm, I'd go on the date personally. First dates are funny old things and imo should be kept really casual in both thought and what you do because you're just meeting to see if there's an initial spark/chemistry in person. From experience hyping it up too much can be a set up for disappointment, and in this case he may have a few dates lined up to meet different people. If after the first date you both like each other, arrange more dates and he puts no effort in or doesn't show any excitement I'd think twice.

@cookiedough174 Perhaps he just thought you were very busy. I think women especially expect to be chased a bit but he's probably chatting to others so just seeing this as another meet hence not pushing you, given you were the busy one.

@cookiedough174 I’d offer another date, with a suggestion of where you’d like to meet. I don’t feel it makes a difference with who suggests what.

Well after a month and as I'd just returned from a few days away. Mr Newkind rather than making us official as he'd said he'd hoped to, has ended it citing he didn't miss me as much as he'd thought he would, which tells him we're done.
Frustrating how once again just exactly like my last 3 month situationship this year, it ends just after you've done something particularly intimate with them too.
It seems it doesn't matter whether they are my type or not, or how old they are, or how keen they seem. They are all the ruddy same, I despair.

I'm child free by choice thank goodness but it does make me worry. Not only for all those people out there who really want to have a relationship and start a family, but also people aren't having babies!! So in 40 years time when I'm elderly who will there be to look after me working in the hospitals or care homes!?! Elon Musks Robots?! 😳 What an horrific thought.

But anyway, back to the drawing board. Unpause the paused dating apps...

Hi all! I couldn't make yesterday as just didn't have time and nothing properly had been arranged so I just cancelled and we have rescheduled for Friday! So we'll see. Not sure how I feel about this person so far, good chat but not all that flowey if that makes sense.
We'll see how Friday goes!

@cookiedough174 that seems fair enough, also I wouldn't put much store by the messages the nicest people can write rubbish messages...

So had a second date with a very nice guy let's call him Teach admittedly I sort of rushed off as he said goodbye, more nerves then anything . Anyway he emailed this morning to apologise for the restaurant... honestly it was a bit rubbish for a date, very bright lights, not particularly nice even on its website but it got great reviews. Just nothing vaguely romantic about the place at all. I suggested meeting again at a gallery as I know he likes art. However, he can't meet at all as he has his 14 year old son every other week and also in the week he doesn't have him he picks him up and drops him at sports things a few evenings. I don't know if this is a polite brush off ? our first date was in the day, during his non son week and he had to leave to collect his son. I understand that we all have responsibilities but not sure what to say...he hasn't suggested another time for a date in like 10 days time !

@Rosiecidar - it is half term coming up so could that be the reason? Otherwise if someone doesn’t have any evening or weekend free for weeks ahead it sounds like they are too busy to date - you won’t always be able to meet during the day I imagine. Or they need someone who is happy to meet only during the day and once/twice a month - which won’t really work unless you have kids/similar custody schedule or if you are looking for a relationship.

@occhiazzurri the arrangement he has is every other weekend plus 3 days before that weekend plus picking the son up most mornings when isn't staying with him plus taking him to an activity after school. I just can't see how a relationship would even get off the ground with him...

@Rosiecidar - this schedule sounds petty difficult to even get to know someone let alone for a relationship. Sorry to hear it and sending virtual hugs!

@JaquiRussell - I only know two couples who are child free (fertility issues/met later in life) and just a couple of single women who are also childfree in their 40s (not by choice). So we still seem to be a minority and for what it is worth my male colleagues have three kids to make up for it.

Interesting because I have lots of child free friends in their 50s and 60s. I think it is because lots of people of our age are busy with kids and grandkids and although obviously I love my DC, they are in their 20s and busy with their own lives and so I cherish the freedom of being with female friends who are free to be spontaneous.

How would you interpret, if someone said
They wanted to Ravish you ??

Sex pest. Block.

I’d think he was a sex pest who be trying to grope you on first date

Anyone else struggling a bit with chemistry/attraction?

I'm 52, and the dating world has clearly changed since I was last single (about 20 years ago!).

The last couple of guys I have met, there just hasn't been enough chemistry.

On paper, they have been absolutely perfect - exactly what I've been looking for, but I'm not feeling what I think I should.

The first one, I would have given it a bit longer but he didn't want to continue after a couple of dates.

The 2nd one is lovely, local, reliable, has a sense of humour & even empathy (can often be missing 😂). But I just don't know how I feel about the sexual side of things.

Realise it could be a slow burner, but at the same time, I don't want to mess him around as he seems keen.

Any advice?

@TwistedWonder
Back story
Few yrs ago, met online, good banter, had a date with him, was just a coffee,perfect gent was Good company . Not even hugs or kisses .

We kept in touch, it just never progressed to anything further .

So a year later , he got back in touch, but I was in a relationship, so that was the end of that.

So as I am no longer in a relationship, I reached out to him, as I found him attractive and good company at that time .
we started chatting today, and I asked him if he was still single , and he replied that he had met a couple of woman, he ravished em, and that it didn't work out .

Spidies went up, was not sure , of how this convo was going .
so I asked , if he would be interested in meeting up again.

He replied , Absolutely, may I ravish you ?

I asked what did he mean by that ?

To which he replied
I am only playing, x would love to meet up again x

Still unsure, to be fair, as this was not how he spoke before .
And he did go onto say , other things, which was not like the guy I remember? .

I’d like to know the answer too. Similar situation. The one guy I have had amazing chemistry with was emotionally unavailable, maybe that’s why.

It's age. At 48 I just can't fancy men older than me (mostly)
The only exceptions to that in the age range of 48-55( or so) category are usually fit, good looking guys, and they're after younger more attractive women than me.
So it's catch 22.

@whatsnext2 - that is a very good point! Too much chemistry generally led me in to trouble when I was younger!

And at this age, I have teenagers at home & my body has changed - plus I am more cautious having experienced unhealthy relationships..

Well I’m 60 with a 20 year old, and I’m afraid chemistry is still an issue 😂

Oh yeah I’ve recently experienced this with an emotionally unavailable guy too 😅

I think he’s being pretty blatant that he’s only interested in casual sex.