Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

ElleintheWoods I leave the distance a bit wider otherwise there's hardly anybody. Occasionally as I'm whizzing by, something (or a nice looking face!) Catches my attention other than the distance.

OchreHedgehog The age ranges I get are all over the place. 20-70 (I'm 43) I think the least amount of interest is from those around my own age (which is what I'm looking for)

My no-date read my message at 1ish (2 hours after the date) & responded with... Nothing. I'm not even going to block him actually, because then he will think that I'm bothered.

Crushed23 No, nothing.
Sorry that you've had a disappointing day, did Mr Tinder suggest another day?

I don't know which apps you use, but can you not set an age range filter?

He suggested Thursday morning which I can't do as I'm back at work (which he knows). Doesn't feel like it's going anywhere so I'm not going to try to keep the conversation going. I'll just reply if he messages me.

Crushed23 On the free one, anybody can message (hence the wild age ranges) but I only answer the ones that come into my 'Inbox'. The other messages go to the Filtered box.

I know what you mean, you feel like you are chasing them don't you.

I’ve set up a profile on Bumble. Have had one mutual match so far and my last ex is on there! We split up 2 years ago because he basically went off me and turned pretty nasty in the end despite me trying harder and harder. He ended it - I actually thought because he’d found someone at the gym. Maybe he had and it just didn’t work out. Anyway, quite odd and unsettling to have him pop up.

Apparently dozens of people have liked me so should I go premium? It’s offering me a month for £25 or 3 months for £50.

Or just stay in the free mode for a bit longer and keep swiping and hoping for mutual matches?

Actually I’m mistaken, it’s not offering me premium for £25/£50. It’s offering ‘Boost’ for that price. Premium seems to be £40/£80 for 1/3 months. Is it worth it??

@NervesOfCotton he was horrid! I don’t mind a beard, personally, but when it’s a big old bushy thing it is a turn off.

Hope everyone has managed some downtime over the holidays - dating is exhausting! 😂

I went back on the apps… I’m not expecting much but needed to get myself out there again. Had two dates lined up, one has a cold and wants to reschedule. Although he is flaky - we have matched off and on over the years. I won’t be pushing a date if he doesn’t suggest it now. The other guy we had such good messages and then came the crux of he wasn’t yet divorced, was buying a place and probably had some stuff to work through. I asked outright if he was even ready to date (loads to unpack) and he was like “I really don’t know”, he has decided not to date, which is for me, the right decision.

Chatting to a few others and will see what happens.

Maybe that is why I rarely match!
I work 40 miles from where I live, so the app shows me profiles local to work or to home, by the time someone see's mine, I am 50 miles away!

@LittleFloatingGhost big beards are rank! Why do men think they are attractive?! It just says dirty layabout to me.

Dauntedbydating There are ones who slip through, it's not only by location
I'm just not in the headspace to spend ages sat there looking through profiles right now, so I'm doing it this way.

OchreHedgehog I pay on Bumble & I'm on a different free one. I think there's very few on here who pay, I just personally don't like it the 'free' way.

LittleFloatingGhost Yes, it was a huge Father Christmas beard (but dark Grey) I showed my mum the photos, I said 'I was talking to this one' showed her photo one & photo 2 then photo 3 & didn't say anything. She said 'That's a different one isn't it? Who's that one? Is that the same one?!'

I hope that you have some luck this time. The old 'I'm not ready to date' rearing it's head again!'

I was in the barbers with my sons before Christmas and the amount of men having their beards steam cleaned, tidied up was ridiculous - apparently they do it weekly! Lol.

I was saying to my friend yesterday how demoralising it all is, and I’m the common denominator! Although, I’d date me, I’m awesome 🤩 😂

I don’t think Bumble is worth paying for tbh. You get very little for your money other than you can see your likes and the few times I’ve paid, I swiped left on every single one of them.

After a couple of weeks they’ll probably offer you 50% off fir a limited period so I’d wait til then but just don’t expect much for your money.

I was told the pay sites like Match are much better but I just found it was the same old faces on there and didn’t renew after first month.

LittleFloatingGhost You are indeed awesome

The same men are definitely on most of the sites. They make this easier to spot by using the same photo on them all!

@OchreHedgehog I used to pay bumble, for being able to see likes (and match at my convenience), use passport mode (so when travelling, could lock my location for example home), incognito model and being able to filter better. For me premium meant less time swiping in the app. If you can afford it, I think it is worth trying - sometimes bumble do also short promotions "see your likes" for 1 day so keep an eye of them!

I pay for both Hinge and Tinder. I find the free versions a nightmare to use. I am not going to renew my Hinge subscription though, as I've run out of men on there based on my filters.

It's been a while since I've been on these threads as I stopped doing OLD for the past few months; combination of it being dire and no time for dates lol

With the new year practically here I've decided to get back on it and downloaded the Breeze dating app a couple of days ago; if anyone here has used it, did it work out well for you?

@Starseeking
Welcome back
Never heard of that one ??

Well I am out for the next 6 months anyway - out of the dating game that is. Went on hinge, met one bloke, turns out he was unhinged himself in the end. Have a lot of plans for the next few months that do not involve a man being in my life so wont be bothering again anytime soon.

Well I’ve matched with someone on Bumble who’s quite attractive and lives 8 miles away. We’ve been messaging last day or so but the chat feels like pulling teeth.

Im taking my own advice and not giving up after a day or so but its not filling me with excitement right now

It's even worse when the chat is slow AFTER you've been on a couple of dates.

Mr HK is so passive. Our 'safe' chatting and non-flirting continues, but still no mention of a 4th date even though he is now back from holiday.

I'm beginning to think he's not interested / has met someone else? Or perhaps our 3rd date being 2.5 weeks ago now means we've lost momentum and this is going nowhere.

I plan to spend NYD reading a book at a coffee shop that's equidistant to our respective apartments. I could invite him to pop in and say hi, but I resent asking him out when I organised the 3rd date? Do I just go for it?

Breeze is an app where you put your profile on as usual and what you're looking for, then you select loads of interests.

It then sends you 8 profiles a day, which match up with your interests, and you have to say whether you want to date them or not. If they've also ticked that they want to date you, you both pay a drjnk fee then Breeze sets up a date for you at specific venues, with the first drink already paid for.

I've only been on Breeze for a couple of days, and have got my first date lined up for this Friday.

So far Breeze seems to be a bit of an E-Harmony/Blind Date mash-up, but I've only heard positive things about it from acquaintances, so will give it a go and report back!

Why on earth do men think that inarticulate/ one or two word messages are going to cut it?! I’ve had one message me with really short messages and despite me writing slightly longer replies and asking open questions I’m just getting “yeh lol”. Have obviously stopped engaging now. Also a pet hate of mine is people interspersing “lol” everywhere regardless of whether something is funny or not. “My hubby just left me lol” - I mean what on earth? I always assume these are the sort of people say “like” constantly IRL.

Absolutely 💯 I am just unmatching these types now, days of pointless messages like this is soul destroying.....