Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Healingsfall I know I was laughing about it, but I think cancelling is the right call. The point about trusting him is right isn't it.

ElleintheWoods He never read my message from yesterday & hasn't been online today, so it's not happening.

Thanks everyone, I've just said "sorry I'm going to cancel, good luck with the dating" then I blocked him. My gut is telling me this is a wrongan and people don't just go to prison for 2 years for something like fraud unless it was serious.

I think it’s a sensible call considering. I’m not sure how old you are but if you’re potentially looking for someone to have a genuine partnership with, you may as well rule out people who have have genuine big skeletons in the closet.

Plenty of relatively lovely single men out there.

In the long-term it’s hard to stay away from dodgy dealings if someone’s entire family is in it and you become serious. Your story made me think of Joan on ITV. Women often get a criminal record because of the things people they do for the people they love.

Being a bit overly dramatic I know 🙈

You’ve done the right thing and that’s a reason why doing a bit of due diligence before a date is a good thing - it’s not stalking.

Personally in my work field, I’d be fired if I was involved with a convicted fraudster do it would be a massive red flag for me and a definite ‘no thanks’

@NervesOfCotton
Thats a shame. Why so many bloody time wasters out there?

@NervesOfCotton fair enough. You deserve someone who is mad keen on you and reads your messages the moment they flash up… and then leaves 20 mins to reply to not seem too keen 😉

Anyone else lined up who might be worth a shot?

@NervesOfCotton that's rubbish! Why are people so bloody flaky!

ElleintheWoods Absolutely
No, that was all the 'new members' that the free site has to offer (of any interest to me, anyway!)

Bumble has been weird. Several matches since Christmas but when I match back they unmatch so no conversations there... I expect it's men swiping Right on everybody & actually 'looking' later.

TwistedWonder Yes, I wonder if he was ever going to show or if he's going to be one of those 'Message a few hours later saying that he's sorry but he just woken up & can we rescedule' ones.

Had a few of those... I'll be blocking him, unread, if he does. I've not blocked him for now as I'm just curious to see if he contacts me really

@ElleintheWoods I'm 40, so looking for someone peaceful who can be a good example to my teenage kids.

I'm still quite stunned at it all and thank goodness I did look him up! He said his business is something overseas and under his name he's had 2 dissolved businesses and one active over the past 5 years, all doing the same thing with different names. Plus I noticed his current business is registered to an address in Wales, so something dodgy there!

I just had a message on Bumble that just said ‘call me’ followed by his phone number. We hadn’t matched let alone had any sort of communication.

Honestly does this work with anyone? Would shot you just call a random online stranger ?

Im not going to btw but just curious if this tactic gets results.

TwistedWonder Loads of that on the free site. Some of them have their number on their profile! I always wonder if it ever actually works too... Imagine phoning them. 'Oh hello random man, you know me from my profile on Bumble!'

I had one this morning 'Hello darling, would you be the mother to my future babies? 3 babies maybe? Look forward to your response darling'.

Sorry if it’s a bit late to join this thread but it popped up and like a pp said, I’m hoping it might be a good omen. I’m nearly 50, been single for a couple of years and I haven’t tried OLD yet but am thinking about it. Is it as bad as it seems? I’m not looking for a full-on, live together/ get married type of relationship. I would just like someone to go out for dinner with sometimes, take a walk with at the weekend, maybe go on holiday a couple of times a year. Some sex would be quite nice too. Is this possible or a ridiculous pipe dream?

Yes good idea, no second chances. Clearly I’ve been reading my book 😂😂😂

I do feel like men on online dating do just habitually swipe right whereas women habitually swipe left. I did Bumble for a week just now (despite saying on here how OLD is pointless so many times 🙈) and it did sort of look like that. Feel like men basically just look at your first pic and nothing else!

ElleintheWoods I go straight to 'Location' on Bumble, then I go back to read profile/look at pic if they are nearby, as location is really important to me right now.

I had this thing come up once on Bumble that said I'm spending an average of 0.1 seconds looking at profiles or something, which makes me sound really bad doesn't it
But it's because if the location is wrong then I'm off!

OchreHedgehog It can be hard work, time consuming, & difficult to find anything that is slightly more than sex/men looking for sex/lying about what they want but actually looking for sex. But it's not all bad (sometimes it's awful!)

You’ll find a lot of men looking for NSA sex though the quality of most of them is firmly in the the ‘wouldn’t touch with a bargepole’ category.

There’d also a lot of attached men pretending to be single.

It’s not impossible to meet someone decent but they are about as rare as a rainbow unicorn.

My first thought was scammer. Could be wrong though

Just seen this on Bumble - well at least he’s honest and no I didn’t swipe right 🤣

Hi, I'm 50s, having quite a bit of luck on OLD but I'm looking younger for nothing serious. So have met some sweet men a couple of whom I'm FWB with now. One I'm just friends with, we text daily. Hes lovely but a bit far away.

Thanks for those who have replied to me. You give me some hope! I suppose I am sort of looking for a FWB really. Someone of my own age though. I just don’t fancy older men but realise most men are looking for younger women.

You’ll almost certainly get messages from men 10/20 years older usually telling you age is only a number. My advice is not to even send a polite no thank you, just ignore and delete as there’s a lot of men on OLD that take a polite rejection as a chance to either beg or get abusive. So a non response is best.

I think know what you want and just enjoy it. But take breaks or it will drive you crazy. I also didn’t find many my age attractive but have found one 9 years younger and gave him a chance so far so good!

If you have premium (you must if you can see who liked you?) then you can filter within a very short distance of the location you want, I believe?

I think you’d be surprised.

I’m 35 and get so much interest from younger guys. I hear once you get to 40-50 that only goes up. One of my friends is an attractive 45 and dates 50+

I'm with you on not fancying older men. I'm 35 and am mostly attracted to men in their 20s. I had a fling earlier this year with a 21 year-old who is the most beautiful man I've ever met. Instant spark, life-deranging infatuation, but it didn't go anywhere as I left the country!

I think if you're looking for something casual you'll have no problem attracting younger men. I have begun my search for a serious boyfriend so I have to be realistic and accept that men in their early 20s are not going to want to settle down with a 35 y/o. My age range on apps is 28-42. If I was looking for a FWB I would definitely go younger.

@NervesOfCotton Sorry to hear about your date not going ahead! Has he messaged to explain? Or have you already blocked and deleted him?

Mr Tinder postponed our coffee date which was supposed to be today. He said something came up at work, which sounds like an excuse you make up when you've changed your mind.

I'm not too bothered. I took myself shopping and bought my new year's outfit.

Mr HK is back from holiday today. No mention of a 4th date in our messages over the last few days.

I feel like I may be going into 2025 with nothing on the horizon!