Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Some of the stuff he said i was like what on earth.

@Christmassprinkles123 like what kinds of things?!

Some sexual stuff. I just thought it wasnt appropriate for a 2nd date. He was also overly handsy and kept grabbing my hand or putting his hand on my leg or went to go to the toilet and kissed me and I weren't expecting it. I'm not much of a physical toucher especially with someone I don't know well.

Christmassprinkles123 Sorry that the date ended like that for you. Did you tell him? How did it go?

I've possibly got a date tomorrow but I'm not really exited about it.

@Christmassprinkles123 that's rubbish for you and I know what you mean about it not being appropriate for a 2nd date. I'm no prude and love a bit of sexual banter but that early it comes across as creepy!

No word from Mr Windows so I've deleted his number. It was surprisingly because he came across as a bit of a family man, but looking back there were little things I wasn't happy with.

Had a bit of luck on match though! Been chatting to "Mr running" and he's suggested a coffee sometime. So onwards and upwards we go...

@Christmassprinkles123

Hmm sounds like a right sleazy creep tbh. There definitely wouldn’t be a 3td date if it was me.

@Christmassprinkles123 i had a date like this once so uncomfortable it went from bad to worse. I tried to keep it in friend zone and he pushed boundaries. There was no next date for me. I hope you’re ok. Trust your gut.

@Christmassprinkles123 this would make me uncomfortable too and there would be no more dates.

@NervesOfCotton Did you go on the date? How was it?

Mr HK has not replied to my last message but I'm going to assume he's just busy on his last couple of days with family before flying back. Mr Tinder followed up, miraculously, and we're going on a coffee date tomorrow. He originally suggested a walk date (WHY...) but I said I don't like walking+talking and asked to meet for coffee instead.

I went out last night and took someone's number who I met. Not my type at all but he does river kayaking as a hobby and wants to take me sometime. I might say yes for the experience 😅

I just googled Mr running's number as he has a business, found out quite a bit. First found his business which gave his surname, looked him up on FB and his profile seems nice (lots of activities/running/sea swims/motorbikes/kids activities). Then I googled his name... and he was part of fraud scam with his family members and he went to prison for 2 years in 2017 😱 Looks like his brother was the main culprit falsifying invoices to pay businesses in other family members names but Mr running was found guilty too! Im supposed to be meeting him tomorrow, I can hardly say "I stalked you online" when I've not even met him!

Crushed23 I hope that tomorrow goes well!

It's tomorrow. We hadn't swapped numbers so I can only contact him on the dating site, which I did this morning & he hasn't read it.

We arranged the date kind of, we said the day & time (it's a coffee & walk!) but didn't say 'where' we would meet... So he's possibly thinking that he will check back in tomorrow morning. I don't need constant messages but I hate it when they arrange the date & then vanish!

Healingsfall That's a bit of a shocker isn't it! How are you feeling about it all?

@NervesOfCotton I don't know! I mean no one was murdered and it is actually quite common for people to move money around/not declare cash sales/manipulate jobs (especially in trades) to make more money and/or avoid tax. I just don't wanna meet some dodgy bastard!

I'm with you on not needing endless messaging before a date, but I'd expect to know where we're meeting if it's the next day. How annoying that he vanished. I'm also slightly weary of guys who don't take the conversation off the app and give you their number when you've agreed to a date. Hope it goes well. How do you feel about him from the chat on the app?

Spoke to a male friend last night whose 2-year 'situationship' has just become serious because his FWB is pregnant. On the face of it a bit of a Sharon Horgan in Catastrophe scenario but I think he really likes her and he's just been dragging his feet (they're both mid-30s) and this was the push he needed to commit.

It depresses me how even one of the good guys is a pain in the arse about commitment and not wasting a woman's time. Before he told me the news, I was giving him my usual earful of 'what are you waiting for?' which he normally ignores and goes back to stringing his lovely woman along. Ugh, MEN.

Crushed23 I mean, he seemed fine, no red flags or anything, there wasn't much spark or excitement but then some people aren't very good at messages are they so I don't really judge on that. He was happy with going at my pace re meeting & I was happy to meet him in person (& hopefully he'd be a bit more exiting then!) But I didn't realise he was going to arrange the date & then nothing, or I'd of said 'Wait! I need your phone number'

Healingsfall Yes it was a few years back & there are worst things you can do! I'd be really curious now though & really want to ask him about it

@NervesOfCotton according to the reports, his brother was the ringleader but his mother (who got a 2 year suspended sentence), bil and sil were all in on it.

Healingsfall Ok, I have nothing exiting going on in my life right now & I'm totally invested in your date tomorrow!

🤣 to be fair it's probably not something he'd lead with!

Healingsfall If he does mention it, you are going to have to act all fake-surprised!

What time is your date?

Knowing me I'd probably say yeah I know, but thanks for saying it! It's early evening, just a casual drink

@Healingsfall this is interesting as my DP/couple of exes has been involved in some dodgy stuff previously but years back, no prison/charges. If I knew this before that first date, I'd have said no. All come across as very respectable people but id have wanted someone who was 'decent' on paper. They hid this side from me until things were becoming serious then told me. By then I was in deep!

But I guess it depends on your own situation and what you want in terms of family dynamics. An entire family caught up in fraud? Wouldn't this be weird if you have a 'normal' dynamics yourself?

You don’t have to tell him anything though, you can just miraculously get busy…Or ‘not be over your ex’ or whatever other things people say to cowardly swerve 🙈

If someone goes to prison for 2 years it’ll be quite serious and they’d be considered a ‘threat to society’, often sentences are suspended or very short for non-violent crime. I wouldn’t recommend - would you see yourself visiting a bf in prison? Something you’d want kids/ family involved in?

I truly believe in rehabilitation and have employed ex prisoners and been friendly with them, but one of my friends works in probation and the things I’ve heard… The guys don’t seem to have trouble coupling up again though, the women usually know what they did etc.

I’d give it some serious thought, you don’t know what he’s mixed up in and at this stage you don’t have any commitment.

So. Has anyone read the infamous ‘Why men love bitches’ book then?

It was staring at me in a bookstore the other day and I picked it up… it’s quite interesting.

I’m looking back to my behaviour in a short relationship earlier in the year and massively cringing.

ElleintheWoods No, I've never heard of that book, but it sounds interesting!

My 11am date didn't happen.

@Healingsfall I would also make an excuse and a swift exit. Especially as it's whole family having been involved in that...

Howcome?

It’s been recommended to me on here a few times but I’m not a big self-help book person so thought ‘what’s an 80s book possibly going to teach me, I don’t like playing games’. But it’s quite interesting. May apply some of it in 2025!

I've been thinking about it overnight and have decided to cancel. I know people rehabilitate, and it was a while ago now, but looking at his registered business online, it seems he resigned then a couple of years later came back with the business name changed slightly. Something to with hugslock (?) and the business is overseas.

The fact his mum got a 2 year suspended sentence and lots of family were involved is suspicious, and the report says he defrauded the metropolitan police as he worked there in a project manager role 🫨

Even if he's mary poppins now, his values don't align and I don't think I'd ever trust him with money, especially as I own a house.