Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Ah yes, I recall our conversations about egg freezing @Okigen

Funnily enough, after freezing my eggs, I find I'm more on the fence about having children than before. That being said, I do filter out 'don't want kids' on Hinge as I would like the option (I'm also turned off by guys who definitely want kids and want them soon - I met a member of this breed not long ago, massive ick).

I'm hoping I can get past this and give this man a chance but he keeps saying things that are making me cringe 😂
I'm trying to give the nice guy who is reliable and interested a chance.
Usually I go for guys who leave me on read and guessing if they're interested or guys who don't try woman right.
Can the pattern be broken? I don't want to go back to my old type of guy

What kinds of things is he saying?

Let's hope so, on the pattern breaking. You and me both.

It was just an excuse to get your number 😉

I mentioned i was going to my parents and having a roast and he replied " hope that mumma roast goes down a treat"
He also said "luvly jubly" a few times on our first date 😂

He did just call me and now he's mentioning a movie night at his after our second date. He hasn't said anything sexual but we all know what movie night is trying to imply!

Ooo he defo likes you to continue the chat off the app! :)

Oopsie daisy. And how does this language make you feel?

I dated someone that used slightly childish/ old man expressions but other than that didn’t act like a child so that was ok 😇

Do we think the dating scene will heat up now that Christmas is almost over? I hear from some people they are reluctant to date before Christmas as they feel people feel lonely during that time and may be too clingy but after is fine 😂 New Year’s resolutions to not remain single, maybe, too?

It's a bit icky, but as long as it's just childish language and not actually being childish @Christmassprinkles123 The third date as a movie night implies sex, yes. I'm sure you'll know after the second date whether you want a movie night with him or not! Keep us posted.

It does make me cringe slightly. He isn't childish at all but some of the language he uses. He just sent me a voice note and said Chrimbo.
It's like people who say holibobs or other words for things when they don't need to. For some reason I can't stand it 😂 other than that he's really nice.

I hope that everybody is having a lovely Christmas

My kids are with their dad today so I've been on the free dating site...

I've started chatting to a man. He had Two photo's where he was beard-less (completely smooth shaven) & seemed like a nice guy from our messages, so he then put a Third photo on with a huge beard... I ask if that's a recent pic & he says 'Yesterday'.

I hate beards!

So I give myself a little pep talk & tell myself not to be shallow, he seems nice, it's not his personality, it's just a beard! & we carry on chatting... He then asks if there was something that I didn't like about his photo (Argh! What to I do here?!) So I said to him 'Ok, I really don't want to seem unkind, but you are asking me so I'll answer. I'm not keen on beards if I'm 100% honest, but you seems really nice & I'm enjoying our chat & I think that it's going well'

Was that wrong? Would anybody have said anything different?

So anyway, he answers this with... 'Yeah well, if I were into skinny, tall women then I certainly wouldn't have started chatting to you & then told you that you are fat & short so not my type'.

@NervesOfCotton you were honest he was nasty I think you dodged a bullet there. Please don’t listen to him. Low blow on his part. He doesn’t know you.

Thank you Caramellie3. I didn't answer him & he sent another one saying 'What I'm saying is that you insult my beard but I am happy to date you even though you are short and fat'.

He's blocked now... Reminds me why I can't be bothered with this

Anyway, I'm 5'4 & he's 5'7 so he's hardly the BFG...

Oh wow! That was really nasty on his part. I don't know if you follow the burned haystack dating method but he would absolutely be a block to burn guy.
If you don't know what it is the founder who is a doctor in rhetoric language patterns created a dating method where she analyses these mens profiles and uncodes what they really mean.
This guy has definitely shown his mean side. It's good that you blocked him

I have my 2nd date tomorrow. I'm just not sure on him. We have been texting alot and he seems keen. However yesterday he messaged and asked if I was going home after being with family. I said no as I'd been drinking plus I wanted to stay with family. He said oh I was going to see if you'd like to come over to mine for snuggles on my sofa. I said no I am staying here. Then he sent a gif of a man kind of sulking. It's kind of put me off a bit. We had spoken about a movie night and cuddles on the sofa but this was clearly being spoken about like it would be after our 2nd date. I feel like he's trying to push boundaries

@NervesOfCotton - well he’s shown himself very quickly.

No you wasn’t rude. He asked a question, you answered honestly, he didn’t like your response so insulted you. And yo then say he’d still date you - oh fuck off mate.

Another OLD twat!

@NervesOfCotton He was very rude but probably thought he was being sassy / cute. Agree you dodged a bullet.

I'm not a fan of beards or long hair and Mr HK has both! His long hair is a cool man-bun though and the beard is short and neat - he has gone for the classic tech bro look. 😁 I suspect I'm not his usual type either because I know his ex is in the same profession as him and same nationality. I actually quite like that we're both comfortable in our own skin and haven't tried to mirror the other person despite our obvious differences. Like, I still dressed up on our 2nd date (because I like dressing up for dates) and he still dressed down. I prefer authenticity to making too much effort to impress in early dating. I don't know if I'm explaining myself well.

We have been messaging roughly every other day, and he shared a personal video of his family who he is spending Christmas with. Neither of us has mentioned a 4th date, but I'm secretly hoping he will suggest it when he's back from his holiday.

Thank you Christmassprinkles123, No I havn't heard of it.

Your date tomorrow, I wouldn't be happy with that message either. Before I read what you'd written next, I thought to myself 'Seems like he's pushing things a bit'. Are you still going to go?

I would find that really irritating - the sulking gif, talking about 'snuggles', seemingly forgetting that you had made plans for a second date that wasn't a Netflix & chill date. It's all very icky, I'm afraid. Have you agreed that the second date is just drinks, is he clear on that?

@Christmassprinkles123

Got tbh a grown man using the word ‘snuggles’ would have my ick-ometer triggered and the gif would send me over the edge.

It does come across he’s pushing for sex

Crushed23 Sounds like it's still going well, will you ask him about a 4th date if he doesn't?
I know what you mean about the dressing up thing. I love a man bun, & thick, geeky Black glasses

I really, really hope he asks me first! If he doesn't, I might suggest it but I would think he'd gone off me or met another woman.

As I've mentioned before there is ZERO flirting in our texting, so I'm already unsure about his interest in me.

Crushed23 Yes, I get that. Fingers crossed that he asks you! When is he back?

2nd date is booked and we are playing crazy golf in our city. Thought it would be less intense than dinner.
He has given no sexual chat really other than yesterday saying about coming over for snuggles. Other than a few cringe words nothing was really bad. He seemed nice.

I'll go tomorrow but if he pushes for me to go back to his after then I won't continue anymore dates

I don’t mean to justify his behaviour but… he’d probably been drinking and was joking around.

I know at least 3 guys who are otherwise great and really dateable, but they send stupid texts when they’ve been drinking! It’s no excuse but some people just get very horny and needy when drinking, and the next morning go ‘oh… did I send that?! Oh god best delete!!’

Someone I’d definitely date if he lived in this country acts like that when he’s on a few and he’s lovely otherwise.

Maybe just see how it goes. But also keep one eye out for that sort of behaviour, as it can imply sex is higher up on their agenda than a relationship.

Good luck, enjoy!

Sorry TwistedWonder, I missed your response earlier. Thank you.
There are a certain type of men who think that women should be grateful for any type of attention, & he was clearly one of those.