Dating Thread 250 - Autumn

[librauk]

The Rules:

• The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
• Develop a thick skin.
• Do not invest emotionally too soon.
• It's all BS until it actually happens.
• Trust your gut instinct.
• People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your faulT.
• Know your wortH.
• If it's not fun, stop.
• Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item*

Well, that wasn't the best date - very little chemistry & he was quite serious, so didn't have much of a lighthearted night - not a lot of laughs there.

There won't be a second!

But I will see Mr Local again.

Just logging in to say I am totally smitten with my bloke. He is actually everything I never realised I needed in my life. He is calm, communicative, inteligent, emotionally intelligent and has an abundance of empathy which my ex severly lacked. The problem I have is that I have adhd and I am afraid that if I let myself fall too deep I will get very hurt but we are taking things fairly casually I guess cos he also has adhd so could be the same for him. My god though I find him sooooooooooooo attractive. This is new to me, I rarely find attraction like this. I think he is stunning being honest. I dont want to feck things up either.

Anyone know what Big spoon seeks little spoon means? Seen in a few profiles recently.

Mean they are incompetent idiots who cannot think of anything mildly amusing to write.

🤣🤣🤣

Excellent point well made 🤣🤣

Ditto if you don’t look like your photos, you’re buying the drinks til you do.

Oh how we laugh………🙄

A little quandary… I have been seeing Mr Local (seems to be two on the thread! 😂) for seven weeks now. It’s going amazingly well, he told me he loves me this week (we both acknowledge this is early but it feels right) and we have had two midweek spontaneous sleepovers. He now has a toothbrush here. BUT, even with all of this I can’t keep thinking something is going to go wrong, or that he isn’t being genuine, although his actions and words marry up. I have trust issues, don’t I?!

This sounds lovely, pleased for you!!!

Hmmm... I wouldn't say it's unusual to think that way, we all know happiness can be precarious, and can be afraid of losing it. It just sounds like mild relationship anxiety. If you have a history of people being deceuitful with you, then could be just something at the back of your mind.

@LittleFloatingGhost I totally get you on the thinking something is going to go wrong. I’ve been seeing Mr MH for about 3 months. Started with just a quick shag (we’d been out a couple of times previously a few months back) and it’s become more than that. He’s lovely and has his past, as I have mine, but has been so, so supportive and just brilliant whilst my divorce etc is being sorted. But yet after everything and how he looks out for me, I still wonder when it’s going to go wrong. And I think that’s because of how I’ve been treated in the past. I’m trying really hard to not focus on my rubbish but I overanalyse everything, I just can’t help it and think maybe that’s the same for you? But he mentioned the other day about doing something after Xmas, which totally threw me so I’ve decided to bite the bullet and just try and enjoy it as it is. He might end up being a twat and I’ll feel hurt or he might be really fab and it just doesn’t work long term but it might, just maybe, work out ok and maybe you just need to try and think that it might be ok for you also? (But I know that’s really tricky!). Sending a virtual gin/Diet Coke/whatever and fingers crossed for you …

@Browniesandcustard and @ElleintheWoods you’re so right. I intend to go with it and need to work on this ‘me problem’. We have spoken about weekends away and looking at Jan and in the Spring. I can’t predict the future and just need to give us the benefit of doubt.

I think it's very hard to be confident in relationships when you've had a bad experience previously- I really struggled with that last time.

I also have had another Mr Local - sorry to cause confusion! But I am confused about him! On paper, he's got all the qualities I'd be looking for, but I'm just not feeling the chemistry.

I didn't see him for a week while he was away on holiday, and was looking forward to seeing him, but at the end of the night, when saying goodbye, it was a hug only - he messaged later to say he'd have liked to kiss me, but was too shy.

Urgh. We've been on 5 dates now. Normally I'd be in bed by now!

@Browniesandcustard I hope you get something booked for after Christmas - excited for you!

@ProseccoOnTap haha, it’s really hard to come up with original names! Do you want to kiss him or have sex with him? Chemistry can be a slow burn, but if you are intrigued to kiss or do more I’d be inclined to keep dating, if you can’t picture doing either of those things then it probably isn’t best to continue…

@LittleFloatingGhost - I think I'll give it one more go.

Initially I wasn't sure. The time before last I thought that yes, I could see myself doing that. He is lacking in confidence but that's rather unsexy too!

Physically, he's in good shape, has a nice mouth, just a wee bit "square"but a genuinely nice guy in a world of complete arseholes in online dating.

We're 50's too, so it's not an easy dating pool.

LittleFloatingGhost Lovely to hear that it's still going well for you! I think a little bit of worry & 'What if' is normal, especially nowadays if you've been doing OLD & have been used to being messed around somewhat. Really pleased for you

ProseccoOnTap If he's lacking in confidence you may just have to take the lead, if he's said that he'd like to kiss you, then kiss him!

Oh, feels like we’re having a similar problem!

The guy I’m seeing is generally confident and chatty, except with me occasionally he’s confident, and occasionally he’s got none whatsoever. I’m so surprised at that as he’s so good-looking and engaging, and I almost feel like I’m punching a bit. I’m very confident and I’m not exactly ugly/ have things going for me, and we really can’t stop talking. But I’m used to guys being very assertive and a bit pushy, whereas he isn’t. At all.

My friends (who know him much better than me) sing him praises and think he is such a gent/ nice guy/ really respects women. He has absolutely lovely manners with everybody and great values.

But definitely lacks confidence around me sometimes and can compare himself to me negatively. We seem to be in an amazing emotional connection stage and it’s all very cute.

I’ll definitely keep seeing him as honestly I think this is a bit special, but I’d love to shift that confidence/ shyness dynamic somehow.

Advice?

Just seen a profile on Bumble of a man whose photo is laying flowers on his late wife’s grave. Her name and DOB/DOD can be clearly seen.

That’s just rather uncomfortable imo

@ProseccoOnTap I’m excited to be updated on how your one last go goes!

@NervesOfCotton thank you. We went on a date last night and spoke about how I was a little anxious. He said he was too and is invested. He doesn’t want anything to go wrong either. I feel very lucky 🥰 (and still a little anxious 😜🤣🤣)

Thanks @LittleFloatingGhost - will keep you posted!!

My pet hate on Bumble at the moment is those who say "I can't see likes, so message me". Well, I don't subscribe & can't see likes either. It's just so lazy & suits so many of them not to make any effort.

And @TwistedWonder - agreed - so many pictures of children too - horrendous from a safeguarding point of view.

Aww he sounds lovely LittleFloatingGhost.

Wow TwistedWonder What an odd thing to post!

My pet hate at the moment on Bumble is when there's a photo of a man & his friend (I assume) & you think 'Ooh, he's nice'. Scroll down to the second photo & the 'nice' one was actually the friend

Happens to me a lot recently. Although when I very first joined up to OLD, I was really attracted to to this man who looked to be in his early 30's, nice photo with his dad... then it turned out that it was the dad's profile. I resisted the urge to message & say 'Hey, I really fancy your son, is he single?'

@LittleFloatingGhost I swear the more you post about him the more I think he is my ex haha but unless he is northern irish its not possible.

Im still seeing mister whatever I was calling him. Been about 10ish weeks now and all so nice still and so calm. Im happy anyway :)

@Singleandnotsureifreadytomingle no, not northern Irish, but that would be funny 😁 😂 Glad all is well with Mr Whatever ❤️

@TwistedWonder He doesn’t seem ready to date, my sense anyway.

@NervesOfCotton you should definitely ask next time!

After 3 months on OLD only one decent chat and zero dates, I’ve come off the apps. It’s been a complete waste of time for me. Plus I’ve realised after this one, I don’t have a free weekend until January so it’s not really the right time.

I might try again in 2025 when my social life calmed down 😂

@TwistedWonder
Sorry to hear that, but by the sounds of it, you might meet someone IRL
And no need to use em again ☺️

I'm still swiping, but it's dead wood.

Still chatting to shall call him Mr SP, lol
He is actually quite lovely, we had a phone chat, he has the most sexiest voice 😊
No date yet, but we have spoke about it, he is
S E, so works long hrs, unfortunately.

I'm getting on well with MrWriter, 6-7 dates in and we have DTD (he is a little out of practice but we both enjoyed ourselves) but I've just realised something has been bothering me and I couldn't suss out what it was.

Then I realised that he hasn't made me laugh - not once! He's easy company and we chat about all sorts but I've just realised that he might take himself a bit seriously. I think it might be a dealbreaker but I'm not sure whether because it's still early days I should see how it goes. He's definitely not nervous or shy or anything just...doesn't laugh about stuff that's happened or try to make me laugh.

WWYD?

Unfortunately I don’t seem to meet anyone in RL which is why tried the apps.
Single 5 years, go out socially at least every other weekend, but barely met any man in that time. Literally I can count the dates I’ve had in past 5 years on my fingers.