Marrying my non EU partner good idea?

[K900]

Hi all,

My girlfriends visa expires soon and the only way for her to stay in the country will be to get married. I do love this girl but marriage does scare me as I never thought I'd get married this young. However if I don't marry her I will likely never see her again. Also marriage would open up a lot of doors for her in the future and give her the chance at a much better life. I enjoy spending time with her and feel I would miss her a lot if she was to leave. I think I'd be willing to give marriage a go with her as I'd really like to spend more time with her and give her a much better quality of life. If it didn't work out after a few years we could always separate I guess? Has anyone ever been in this situation or have any experience like this. We have been together 6 months. It seems a bit surreal to me but I don't want to lose this girl from my life forever. She is from Chile and I live in Ireland. Thanks

Or what she tells you her availability is

I'm confused about this? How would this work? I really wish she could get an EU passport without marriage. Can she get an EU passport by herself either aswell in Spain or Portugal so she can travel and work in Europe for the rest of her life.

I know her availability. She shows me her work schedule and I can tell she is very committed. Outside of her work hours we are together basically every day.

How did your partner have a visa without marriage out of interest? I really hate Visas ever since dating this girl now

Well, I'm kind of heartbroken today, I told her that I wasn't ready for marriage and I didn't really mention the LDR at all but I breached that subject a couple days ago or said if she went back to Chile or somewhere else we could try and keep in contact. She said she would find it very painful to talk to me without seeing me in person and would get too upset. The girl is marriage material I have to say, she is the most polite, lovely, respectful girl i have met in a long time and she even washed my clothes and folds them if I leave clothes at hers. But sometimes I don't know if I miss her too much when I don't see her, it's sucks and I just think I'm not ready for marriage at this stage. As of now, I think we're separated now, I'm quite sad to be fair.

Yeah, for now I think we are sperated unfortunately, I sent her a message saying I wasn't ready for marriage yet in my life. I'm a bit sad to be fair, she showed me so much love and care to me and I would have loved to provide a happy life for her here in Europe. I do know though that she definitely was genuine, I'm not a fool and this girl was absolutely genuine. I will never forget the love she gave me, it was amazing and very heartwarming. I will miss her love and tenderness for me. She really was someone I will miss a lot

I'm sorry you're sad, but she keeps saying she would be too sad to talk to you if in a LDR? Basically she's either with you or not? She doesnt sound that commited tbh.
I know it hurts, but either she will sort out her paperwork and things will come right, or it wasnt meant to be and you will find someone less complicated (and manipulating) to settle down with. Stick to your guns and dont let her guilt trip you into anything while you're feeling low

I actually think that if she really and truly cared about you the way you think she did, she wouldnt put this much stress on your shoulders.

Thanks, I wish there was a route for her to work in Ireland without this visa nonsense. She has a social work degree and I wish she could just live her without all this complication. But I think it would be hard to qualify for a Critical Skills Visa. I wish there were other options for long term residency. She deserves to have a happy life and live in the country she wants

She did mention when we started she only had a visa for short time. I guess I should have taken that more into account. However I really enjoyed spending time with her and showing her areas of Ireland she never saw before and also travelling abroad with her. I think I'll always feel deep love for her in my life, she felt very genuine and just a very lovely person. One of the nicest and sweetest girls I ever met in my life.

It is sad and I feel for you in this.

You are doing the right thing for you both for now. Perhaps when she settles somewhere the LDR will emerge naturally and you keep in touch.

Who knows what the future holds when one door closes another always opens, that goes for relationships too.

Or you will find someone else now you are more confident having been in a relationship. She's shown you she was after the visa, you can do better as you sound lovely.

I think the main problem is that youve only been together 6months.
I met DH when I was 17. He had a student visa and luckily we got 3 years together. When it ran out he applied for another visa to do his masters. It was declined, because the government thought a bachelor degree is enough and he doesnt have a reason to stay longer. I went abroad for a year with him and got married at age 21 simply because we wanted to come back to Europe. Everyone said its a stupid idea, we are too young etc.
Our 20th anniversary is next year!

We were together 4 years though and lived together for 2 of those years. we could have totally grown apart though over time, especially because we both basically werent grown up yet at all. But somehow it all worked out, we are still very happy.
If you get married it can work out or it can go horribly wrong. Only do it if you are ok with either scenario.

Here is the info about the card. It looks like it needs proof of being in a long term partnership more than marriage etc, but I'm not too sure. The EU person has to exercice treaty rights in another EU country to be able to apply for family members, long terms partners, children's etc to join, administracion.gob.es/pag_Home/en/Tu-espacio-europeo/derechos-obligaciones/ciudadanos/residencia/obtencion-residencia/inscribir-familiares-no-ue.html

Yeah she has replied back and I feel very sad. She has said she loves me and knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. But she says if my decision is final she hopes I have a happy life without her. She says she is heartbroken and will take her time to heal from this, she doesn't know if she can. I'm feeling dreadful and I'm crying now. I'm very upset with how sad she is

That is classic manipulation.

If she truely loved you she would at least try long distance. She has nothing to lose by doing so. It doesn't even have to be as far away as Chile. You can do long distance in Europe. You could try moving abroad temporarily etc. She's just shutting it down. All or nothing...on her terms.

She is trying to get you to change you mind to suit her visa requirements.

I'd be open to another EU country. Just don't know where to start and what visas she could get

OP I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. I am very dubious why she refused to try LD relationship for a while if she loves you like she says she does. If she did love you that much, she would do anything to keep the relationship going. Instead she’s saying it’s marriage or it’s over. She is manipulating you. As hard as it is, it’s the right decision to walk away. She shouldn’t be trying to pressure you into marrying her.

If you have an EU passport, it's on her to research where she might go. She wants you to marry her for her visa.
Do not to do this.

She probably has at least 3 of you on the go.

Just tell her that you don't marry anyone until you are in a long term commited relationship. She doesn't need a married visa to establish and create a long term relationship with you but a real commitment to a mixture of distance, you both living in her and different EU countries with temporary documents etc , and visiting each other when not together, and eventually settle somewhere in the EU once you can demonstrate a long term relationship , but she can't be bother of the effor it takes, because she doesn't really love you enough to care enough to commit to working on your relationship long term. You are not the one letting her down here, she is the one that doesn't give a dump about the relationship, for her is married visa or breaking up. She has show her true colours in the last message by not wanting to work in the relationship at all, complete break up unless she can get a married visa out of it. She won't contact you again if you don't marry her, not because she is too sad but because she will be busy finding someone else to get a married visa from. Open your eyes. And look at the last message and how she is manipulating you to do what she wants or total break up. It is cruel of her actually. It isn't love. It is normal not wanting to marry yet after only knowing someone for 6 months, you have done nothing wrong. You hardly actually really know her in reality because such short time.

Her response isn't great OP - she's laying it on thick with the never getting over it and/or you. Come on, think with your head for a moment about that. A vital aspect of a relationship is being able to communicate about important things without adopting an all or nothing mindset.

I am sorry you're hurting so much. I can relate a little as I dated a guy who was on a visa and had to go home after a year. It was the best relationship I had too, but it was also charged with the knowledge that that our time was limited. This made it very passionate and intense.

By the way, if she does a Masters here (Ireland) she will then have 2 years to look for work in the country. Stamp 1G.

She would rather you both be broken hearted than try LDR at all and you are upset she is very sad. You are in deepest denial and no one here can help you.

If you love someone you go through hell and high water to stay with them until you can be together properly. She wanted you to marry her so she can stay in the country and didn't care how difficult that would be for you.

As I said, playing you like the string section of the Royal Philharmonic.