He broke up with me because I have a kid that he knew about the whole 6 months we were together

[Appleandbologna]

I’ve been seeing this guy for the past six months and everything has been going absolutely great. We made sure to have the talk early on about expectations and everything since I have a child and he doesn’t and he told me that he’s never been around kids before, but me having a child isn’t a problem for him whatsoever For the past six months everything has been great and has treated me the best. I’ve been treated in a while and I’ve been nothing but good to him and he truly cares about me and has super strong feelings for me. Well, out of nowhere, he told me that the only thing stopping him from being fully committed to me is the fact that I have a child and he doesn’t think he’s ready for that responsibility yet but the part that confuses me is I explained from what my expectations were and how I wanted to go about things I have a rule that I have to be with somebody for six months in committed relationship before they introduced to my child and at that time they would be introduced as a friend and he has been aware of that from beginning and then after 9 to 12 months I would introduce them as a boyfriend because relationships that last that provide more stability. Well, he broke it off with me because he told me that even though he knows that I wouldn’t expect him to be a parental figure That he would want to do it sooner than that and he doesn’t think he’s ready for that and I want to say I completely understand if someone children, but that’s some thing you should know from the beginning and I was told for the last six months it wasn’t a problem and then it was fine and he hasn’t even met my child yet so he doesn’t even know how he would react around my child or how it would go it’s just all the what if along the lines of what he cares for her like family and she doesn’t look at him the same way he doesn’t know how to handle being around a kid because he’s never been around a kid and my response was of course you’re not gonna know until you try, but you never even tried. It’s making me feel like I’m going crazy for being confused on how it went from. He’s OK with it. And he was relieved that I didn’t want him to be a father figure right off the back because that want nowadays, but I want to build that relationship and want my child to build that relationship on their own he told me that he has super strong feelings for me and everything is good otherwise but that’s the one thing that kept him from going the next step and I’m not why that would stop him if he truly cared about me and if he knew I wasn’t ready for him to meet my child anyway to me there’s other reasons behind it. I guess the way I look at it too is that how do you know if you’re ready for some thing if you didn’t even try instead he scared himself away with it with thoughts in the future and he told me before that he wants kids it just feels like he doesn’t want my kid. and honestly, I’m completely heartbroken because I do love this man. We’ve been through a lot within the last six months. We have amazing times together every single time we’re together and he’s even said that too so I’m not understanding what the big problem is with me having a kid unless he really just didn’t want to meet my kid because he’s around other peoples kids all the time, I guess I’m just looking for points of view from anyone because it just doesn’t make sense to me like I said how you go from. It’s completely OK you’ve known I have a kid from the beginning. We spend six months together we’ve been through a lot, we developed feelings for each other really strong feelings for him to turn around and say that he’s not ready for some thing that would come years from now , and say that he would want to do it sooner than that and he doesn’t know if he can even though I told him I didn’t expect him to play daddy to my child

OP - you told your boyfriend you had a 6 month rule when it comes to meeting your child so that you're not introducing her to someone who might not stick around. He has actually respected that and ended things before you introduced him. That is the right thing to do.

You suggesting he should have just met her to see how he felt is bizarre to be honest and not great parenting.

I think it’s a bit harsh to say it’s all excuses and he doesn’t really love the OP. I think you can be OK, theoretically, with someone having a child before you have any idea what it’s like having a child in your life whose needs you / your partner always need to prioritise. And then when you begin to understand what that means you realise you’re not ready.

And if you’re not ready, you’re not ready - and it’s a decent and respectful thing to be honest about this.

You can love someone and not be able to be with them in the way you both anticipated at first. It’s extremely painful but it’s just one of those things. All’s fair in love and war. I’m sorry for your heartbreak, OP.

how is he supposed to know if he was able to handle it or not without trying

I really don’t think that getting to know a child is one of those situations that “you don’t know unless you try” can apply to.

He’s had a change of heart OP. There is nothing else to try to understand here

After 6 months, he might just have realized you aren’t “the one”. That means there is no point moving to the stage of meeting your child. Isn’t that part of the point of delaying introducing your child, to make sure they are likely to be sticking around long-term?

He sounds like a good guy. Better break it off now before he meets your kid. Being a step parent is not easy and most say if they knew what it was like before they would never have done it.

People can think they’re prepared for something, but realise that actually, when it’s just around the corner, that it’s not something they want.

I don’t know why some posters are automatically assuming that it’s an excuse and he’s lying. He may genuinely really like OP, but the reality of her having a child has become a dealbreaker for him. Some incompatibilities are insurmountable no matter how much you may want to make it work, and he’s realised that ‘if you really love someone you’ll do whatever it takes to make it work’ is, in reality, likely to be a recipe for disaster.

With respect OP keep repeating the same thing over and over again using going to change anything. Hes realised he’s not ready and he’s walked away rather than string things along any further. He sounds like he’s done the decent thing.

Where you are contradicting yourself is where you say you won't introduce a boyfriend to your daughter until you know they are sticking around and it's a stable relationship (sensible).

But then go on to say 'I know he's saying he isn't ready to be a parental figure but surely he should just meet her and then decide' (not sensible)

Yeah this is confusing me. He's done exactly what he should have done, and the reason that parents have this rule in place, and yet he's still being vilified because apparently he should have "tried" first 😭

Yep
Op doesn't seem to have taken anything on board.

Fine yiur anger op.

He's messing you around

My answer would be 'FINE - and don't let the door hit you on the way out '

He's an idiot.

You're going round in circles here OP.

Anyone can end a relationship for any reason they like.

This started with you, I’m sorry to say it.

you want to “ see how it works with then for six months ”

Sounds like sex without commitment for 6 months and let’s see if we get the deep feelings during that and then the next stage…

that is great when you don’t have kids and also when don’t want to start a family anytime soon

I’ve been there

once you have a family or want to start a family then with this approach you will catch men which the same attitude “let’s jump in and see”

high chance the man will realise sex is good, the feelings are there but he is not ready for a family, which has just happened to you!

you can continue to have this approach or your standards change. Men that are ready to commit to having a family ONLY NEED APPLY

these men are out there. I have done the same change when I wanted to start a family. So many men where relieved to hear me say it, they were looking for the same thing. Others couldn’t run faster or told me “let’s wait and see” or “if the woman wants a baby why not” - I paid attention to catch all the nuances. Maybe is No, not ready yet.

as you have a child, the men who will match with you are divorced dads or men looking to start their own. And less likely, single men willing to become stepdads. It happens but it is not likely.

single men who haven’t thought or don’t desire a family tend to stay that way until they are ready. It’s such a HUGE thing, this commitment not just to a partner but a child, that love, which is more lust with some feelings after 6 months, can’t overcome easily.

that is how I met my husband.

this man is not ready. He will bolt later if you force it and your daughter might suffer.

you can continue your approach if you make sure you keep a guard on your feelings and don’t fall for a man until he is committed to your child. Or just have non committed relationships.

good luck whatever you chose.

Op, I mean this genuinely, but if you go on about things the way you are here, I can understand why he decided to end things. You seem very overwhelming, honestly. It's as though you just can't stop going on and on and on, and if this is how you are generally, I can see someone not being able to handle it.

Whatever the case, as everyone has told you multiple times, it's over. Let it go and move on.

I know good man who met someone- at 30

It was great at first

Lots dates (great l sex)

But after 6 months - well he just felt 'bored'

It's crap I know (of him) but it happens...

I never said he told me he didn’t want kids. He said he does want kids and one of the things he liked most about me was that I’m so good with them because I’m a mom and a teacher so that shows him I’m caring and that I have family values

How is he an idiot? He’s done the smart thing by realising that OP having a child isn’t something he’s prepared to deal with, and ending the relationship things before the child becomes involved.

And that’s fine if I’m not the one but telling me all the reasons he wants to be with me and it was a whole paragraph but then telling me that the only reason is because he isn’t sure how he would do around my daughter without trying is completely different

wanting kids is not the same as being ready to have them in the near future.

He wants his own kids, but he doesn’t want to be a stepfather.

He thought it wouldn’t be a problem, but he’s realised that it actually isn’t something he wants. It may be hard for you, but he’s done nothing wrong here.

It's an excuse. He likes the benefit of having you around without having the responsibility of having to step up to the plate. He's probably always going to say this every time you bring it up and never be "ready"

The words Banging. Head. Brick. Wall come to mind 😭

I agree
💯💯💯. Its better he ends it now rather than meet your child.

Yes! And very different to parenting someone else’s pre-teen!

When someone doesn't want to be with you (anymore) that is the only thing that matters. Any reasons whatever they are don't really matter. He has the right to change his mind at any stage. You keep going circles about what he said and him not wanting to be with you but that's just waste of your energy. Of course you are disappointed and hurt but you need to have self respect and confidence enough to say 'okey this man wasn't the right for me as he doesn't choose me back so that's the end of that as I wouldn't even want to be with him'.

@InterIgnis
Sorry.
Well maybe not an 'idiot'
And in my example he had a child not the gf.
I meant , I , personally would have know way before 6 months the relationship was going nowhere.