Page 19 | Stay at home mum of 1 child? Frowned upon?

Spudulanky · 2024-09-11T08:15:56+00:00

Why do other people/mums care?! The child is school age.. its gossiped about.. but why?? honestly why???

MorvernBlack · 12/09/2024 20:23

Honest00lad · 12/09/2024 20:10

This thread is a bit vicious at times.

End of the day you're all women, you all know how hard it is being a mother, you should support eachother. The vast majority of people do what they think is right for their family.

For some that is working part time, for some that is working long hours, for others it isn't working at all.

I do despair sometimes. Women should be building each other up, not tearing each other down. I work, but not many hours, I happily pick friends kids up from school if they are stuck at work, wouldn't think of judging, they have their lives, I have mine. My closest friend, an accountant, does my books for me in return.
Why do people judge. We all have something to offer each other.

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/09/2024 20:24

Honest00lad · 12/09/2024 20:10

This thread is a bit vicious at times.

End of the day you're all women, you all know how hard it is being a mother, you should support eachother. The vast majority of people do what they think is right for their family.

For some that is working part time, for some that is working long hours, for others it isn't working at all.

Yuck.

Nothing like a man trying to tell women how to behave.

Honest00lad · 12/09/2024 20:30

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 20:22

End of the day you're all women, you all know how hard it is being a mother, you should support eachother. The vast majority of people do what they think is right for their family. For some that is working part time, for some that is working long hours, for others it isn't working at all.

fucking hell @Honest00lad horrendous mansplaining, condescending shit. Stop trying to tell women what to do.

Edited

Ironic that you say that.

Honest00lad · 12/09/2024 20:32

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/09/2024 20:24

Yuck.

Nothing like a man trying to tell women how to behave.

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Sorry if it came across like that. On reflection I shouldn't have said it.

yellowroses78 · 12/09/2024 20:33

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 20:22

End of the day you're all women, you all know how hard it is being a mother, you should support eachother. The vast majority of people do what they think is right for their family. For some that is working part time, for some that is working long hours, for others it isn't working at all.

fucking hell @Honest00lad horrendous mansplaining, condescending shit. Stop trying to tell women what to do.

Edited

Wow, this is a horrible, horrible way to speak to someone. There was nothing condescending in what he said. He's basically repeated what dozens of others have said already anyway. Men are allowed on mumsnet as far as I'm aware...

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 20:33

Ironic that you say that

in what way, please explain @Honest00lad

Honest00lad · 12/09/2024 20:36

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 20:33

Ironic that you say that

in what way, please explain @Honest00lad

Sorry I shouldn't have got involved in this. I'll stay out of it. Apologies.

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 20:37

@yellowroses78 are you joking? You appreciate a man coming in this thread - who has no personal understanding of what’s being discussed - telling us to basically ‘calm down ladies and why don’t you be kind and all get along. Because you're all like….women’

anyway he’s apologised now anyway

Househundred · 12/09/2024 20:39

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/09/2024 14:01

I’d feel the same way. Like I had gone wrong somewhere.

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The reasons you feel that way are your own, and possibly worth exploring in therapy but I don't know why you think that everyone needs to feel that way.

When I was a SAHM I was the happiest, most involved, busiest, outgoing, interesting and 'sparkiest' I have ever been. Ever. I had a career I genuinely loved before I became a mum and I still love it now I've come back to it, some 20 years later. But when I was SAHMing I still stayed met up with my old colleagues, I volunteered and organised events. I made loads of new friends through groups and school and we did amazing things - with the children and without. I was so free and enjoyed my life, and that of my children to its fullest. Life is what you make it.

Your distain for the lives SAHMs 'lead' and what they talk about seems to be based on a very limited experience. People whose personality is tied to their job is just as tedious as talking about washing powder and spelling tests all day.

MorvernBlack · 12/09/2024 20:42

Househundred · 12/09/2024 20:39

The reasons you feel that way are your own, and possibly worth exploring in therapy but I don't know why you think that everyone needs to feel that way.

When I was a SAHM I was the happiest, most involved, busiest, outgoing, interesting and 'sparkiest' I have ever been. Ever. I had a career I genuinely loved before I became a mum and I still love it now I've come back to it, some 20 years later. But when I was SAHMing I still stayed met up with my old colleagues, I volunteered and organised events. I made loads of new friends through groups and school and we did amazing things - with the children and without. I was so free and enjoyed my life, and that of my children to its fullest. Life is what you make it.

Your distain for the lives SAHMs 'lead' and what they talk about seems to be based on a very limited experience. People whose personality is tied to their job is just as tedious as talking about washing powder and spelling tests all day.

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Yes, all of this.

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/09/2024 20:42

Househundred · 12/09/2024 20:39

The reasons you feel that way are your own, and possibly worth exploring in therapy but I don't know why you think that everyone needs to feel that way.

When I was a SAHM I was the happiest, most involved, busiest, outgoing, interesting and 'sparkiest' I have ever been. Ever. I had a career I genuinely loved before I became a mum and I still love it now I've come back to it, some 20 years later. But when I was SAHMing I still stayed met up with my old colleagues, I volunteered and organised events. I made loads of new friends through groups and school and we did amazing things - with the children and without. I was so free and enjoyed my life, and that of my children to its fullest. Life is what you make it.

Your distain for the lives SAHMs 'lead' and what they talk about seems to be based on a very limited experience. People whose personality is tied to their job is just as tedious as talking about washing powder and spelling tests all day.

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Please point out where I said that everyone needs to feel that way? Of course they don’t.

I was simply agreeing with pp and explaining how I would feel as a parent should my daughters decide to be a SAHM.

I’ve also never claimed to know what SAHM’s talk about.

Pelicanbriefcase · 12/09/2024 20:51

I would describe you as a SAHM even if kids are in school, my kids finish primary here at 2:30, I don’t finish work until 5:30 and after a commute get home at 6:30. If I wasn’t working I’d be doing school runs, making lunch’s dinners bringing to afterschool activities. That to me is a SAHM 🤷‍♀️. I would say people are jealous and that’s where the bitchy gossip comes from, you can see it here on this thread too. Ignore them.

Pelicanbriefcase · 12/09/2024 21:04

I really dislike the “what do you do?” in a social settings. I mean I do lots of things that are not my paid employment 🤷‍♀️I mean I love my job but I don’t live to work and it’s not the most interesting thing about me 😂. I’m always make a swift exit from these folk at social dos as often they are nosey, judgy or dull.

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 21:26

if I wasn’t working I’d be doing school runs, making lunch’s dinners bringing to afterschool activities. That to me is a SAHM 🤷‍♀️. I would say people are jealous

jealous of doing school runs, making lunch and dinner and ferrying about? Uh huh

unconditionalpurelove · 12/09/2024 21:32

MrsQuietLife · 11/09/2024 12:00

I’d gossip about you. I’d be saying “lucky cow… how come I didn’t land a sweet deal like that?!”

My mum was a sahm to two kids. She was the best mum who ever lived, she was amazing. She took us to heaps of extracurriculars and we both went to Oxbridge (she didn’t even get O levels). She was a force of nature and did bags of charity work - PTA and school governor; Sunday school teacher for 20 years; Scout leader; St John’s ambulance, knitting hats for the hospital to give to premature babies and blankets for cancer patients… it was an endless list. She organised a local babysitting circle so mums could get a break from their kids. She had a 20m x 20m fruit and vegetable garden. She cared for her housebound mum for 15 years. She made her own jam and cheese. She made our clothes when we were little. She learned how to tile the kitchen and bathroom. She reupholstered our chairs and made curtains.

She was the most energised, sociable, humble, fabulously accomplished woman who I ever had the fortune to know.

Now I’m older and she is dead and I WISH I could tell her: being a sahm rocks.

Go out there with your head high and ignore the gossip.

What a lovely post

Pregnantandconstantlyhungry · 12/09/2024 22:44

Pelicanbriefcase · 12/09/2024 21:04

I really dislike the “what do you do?” in a social settings. I mean I do lots of things that are not my paid employment 🤷‍♀️I mean I love my job but I don’t live to work and it’s not the most interesting thing about me 😂. I’m always make a swift exit from these folk at social dos as often they are nosey, judgy or dull.

Edited

Same! I do not want to spend my Saturday evening talking about work! (And I was and still am a bloody workaholic who spends the occasional Saturday morning at conferences about my work.)

Pelicanbriefcase · 12/09/2024 23:39

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 21:26

if I wasn’t working I’d be doing school runs, making lunch’s dinners bringing to afterschool activities. That to me is a SAHM 🤷‍♀️. I would say people are jealous

jealous of doing school runs, making lunch and dinner and ferrying about? Uh huh

Honestly, the school run is one of my favourite things to do when I can. Morning games of Ispy in the car and hearing all the news from school on the way home ❤️ I wish I could do it more!

MorvernBlack · 12/09/2024 23:48

Pelicanbriefcase · 12/09/2024 23:39

Honestly, the school run is one of my favourite things to do when I can. Morning games of Ispy in the car and hearing all the news from school on the way home ❤️ I wish I could do it more!

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I miss the school runs. Especially when it was only one child, it was a nice bit of one to one chatting and time for them to offload any school worries. Maybe rose tinted glasses over the times when they were trying to murder each other on the back seat though.

spicychilli82 · 13/09/2024 06:52

SouthLondonMum22 · 12/09/2024 19:16

You’re lucky that they agree. Ultimately, you don’t get a say when it comes to grandchildren.

I would’ve laughed if my mum thought she had a say in my career and if my children go to nursery.

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Yeah for sure, my mum doesn’t like me being a stay at home mum, she’s disappointed that I didn’t continue with my career. Maybe you and I are more alike in that we definitely won’t do what our mothers tell us to 🤣🤣🤣🤣
And yes ultimately my kids will do what they want and I’ll have no say and I will accept it, but I think I’ve done a pretty good job of brainwashing them into my way of thinking 😉

spicychilli82 · 13/09/2024 06:54

Soldieringnonosoldiershere · 12/09/2024 21:26

if I wasn’t working I’d be doing school runs, making lunch’s dinners bringing to afterschool activities. That to me is a SAHM 🤷‍♀️. I would say people are jealous

jealous of doing school runs, making lunch and dinner and ferrying about? Uh huh

So who drops your kids to school, makes their dinner, drives them around?? Working mums still have to do all that

whiteroseredrose · 13/09/2024 08:54

I think the issue is that people have different drivers and priorities in life and often people cannot perceive that other people are different to them.

Plenty on here couldn't wait to get back to work after maternity leave and found being at home with DC 'mind numbing'. Others who did not go back to work for a few years cannot understand why a person would let 'someone else' raise their DC and be there for their firsts.

Neither is right or wrong.

I was a SAHM / had a very part time job for a few years because I loved being with my DC and being available for appointments and to help at school. My DC were glad not to have to go to after school clubs and for me to be around in the school holidays.

My DM was always career driven and was very vocal in her horror at my choosing to give up my career when DD was little. She was equally vocal when I was a Teaching Assistant, couldn't believe that with my education that I didn't want to be a Teacher and run the class.

We're just different. DM found her career fulfilling and it defined her; my career got in the way of me spending time with my DC.

We're just different people.

vickylou78 · 13/09/2024 09:23

ProfessionalPirate · 12/09/2024 14:21

That’s not how women become SAHM. Most of the ones I know are very well educated, and had successful 20 year careers before they started their family. They didn’t set out to become SAHMs but discovered that it worked best for their family. An 18 year old that just decides she doesn’t want to work is a very different story.

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But the ops kids are school age... She's not a sahm she just doesn't work.

vickylou78 · 13/09/2024 09:25

MorvernBlack · 12/09/2024 14:53

Despite being an on-off SAHP, I've always brought the kids up to know that they have to earn a living and not to rely on anyone else. But one of my DD's, who is working, just wants to be a mother. I worry desperately for her, she's such a gentle soul, loves children (she works with them), hates her job as she finds the other employees cliquey and bitchy, rather like school. I worry that she won't be able to stay home with her babies and won't get to do that one thing that she sowants. I do wish she didn't feel this way, but I think it's just the way some people are and it's a shame that's there's so much resentment against women who don't want a career, but just want to be homemakers.

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But the ops child is at school she isn't looking after the children during the day. She just doesn't work

Mulhollandmagoo · 13/09/2024 11:51

Pelicanbriefcase · 12/09/2024 23:39

Honestly, the school run is one of my favourite things to do when I can. Morning games of Ispy in the car and hearing all the news from school on the way home ❤️ I wish I could do it more!

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I changed jobs so I could do school runs, seeing my little girls face scan the playground for me and break out into a smile the second she sees me is a highlight of my day ❤️

YOYOK · 13/09/2024 18:10

vickylou78 · 13/09/2024 09:23

But the ops kids are school age... She's not a sahm she just doesn't work.

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Let’s assume the child is awake from 7 am and SAHP drop them at 9 am (2 hours), collect at 3 (don’t count those hours they’re at school) and they go to bed at 7 pm. That’s 6 hours a day the child is awake and active and needs care. You can see why it’s hard to juggle it all!!