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Original poster

Help with my girlfriends weight

159 replies

ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 21:36

I’m coming up on one year with my girlfriend, who is my first love, and there’s something that’s been on my mind for a while now. My girlfriend is 5’3” and about 37kg (81 lbs), and I’m genuinely concerned about her weight. To my knowledge, she doesn’t have any eating disorders, but it’s clear that she’s underweight.

I’ve tried to gently encouraging her to eat enough calories consistently, especially when we’re out together, by suggesting she finish her meals or enjoy desserts and snacks. Unfortunately, this rarely happens, and when I’ve brought it up outside of a food-related context, the response has been the same. This was raised in a gentle and a way that indicated this was from safe space.

Recently, she has asked to stop with my concern. While she appreciates that I care, she insists she knows her body best. What complicates things further is that her ex-boyfriend had similar concerns but expressed them in a very toxic way. Her friends, who are qualified doctors, supported her and assured her that she was fine.

My main concerns are long-term—especially when it comes to pregnancy and adulthood. I don’t think this is a healthy weight to maintain, and while it’s a difficult issue, I believe it’s something that can be addressed.

I’m considering bringing this up in person, as we usually discuss issues over text (which she prefers), but if she doesn't want to change then I'm not sure where to go next.

I dont live with her for reference. Her mum and brother are also quite skinny

I know this is not a typical post but I just need all the advice or input I can get here.

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 09/09/2024 21:42

She's quite seriously underweight but you raising it isn't going to help. If it's not something you can deal with, this is not the relationship for you.

She is as likely to have fertility issues due to being underweight as she would be being overweight but again that is her issue to worry about.

No Dr would say she was fine.

Pippa12 · 09/09/2024 21:43

Does she eat normal meals? Are you concerned that she is vomiting afterwards?

My friend is so slim despite eating a huge amount of calories per day, she has always been the same (best friends from 11).

She gets upset when people bring it up because she’s tried unsuccessfully to gain weight over many years. She’s had two very healthy children with uncomplicated pregnancies (other than the midwife telling her she was underweight- sent for weekly growth scans, both babies >8lbs)

2Old2Tango · 09/09/2024 21:43

My own DD is early 20s and extremely slender, takes a size 6 in clothes (sometimes can fit in things from the kids section!) She eats well though and just does not put on any weight. Maybe your gf is the same? If she has other family members who are very slender then it could be a family trait.

Your girlfriend knows her body best and as long as she seems healthy and has lots of energy then it's not your place to say anything. My DD gets very irritated when people assume she has an ED or is unhealthy. You'd be amazed how many people think it's ok to skinny-shame her too with their comments, when they wouldn't do the same to someone who was overweight. Leave your gf alone, otherwise the weight she gets rid of may be you OP.

Coconutter24 · 09/09/2024 21:43

“I’ve tried to gently encouraging her to eat enough calories consistently, especially when we’re out together, by suggesting she finish her meals or enjoy desserts and snacks.”

She’s your girlfriend not your child. Whether she has an eating disorder or not this behaviour from you I imagine would be quite tedious. You say her mum and brother are both skinny, could it be that she is just naturally skinny?

liverburd1 · 09/09/2024 21:46

I'm the same height and was around the same weight when I had a serious illness (not eating related but it did cause dramatic weight loss).

This did cause concern amongst GPs and specialists but I was undergoing treatment and they knew I'd regain weight mid-long term.

I can't imagine a dr saying this was a healthy weight long term

SeldomAthletic · 09/09/2024 21:53

My mum was a similar size (an inch taller and 5 pounds heavier) when she got married aged 20. 11 months later she gave birth to a 9lb 2oz baby (me). It is very skinny, but that is normal for some people.

furryblanky · 09/09/2024 21:53

Gosh that is very under weight. I think you have been encouraging her as best you know in a situation like this. Surely no one naturally weighs that little? If it runs in the family, maybe it's an eating disorder that runs in the family?

Are her eating habits what you would describe as normal? What does she eat?

Original poster
ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 21:55

Pippa12 · 09/09/2024 21:43

Does she eat normal meals? Are you concerned that she is vomiting afterwards?

My friend is so slim despite eating a huge amount of calories per day, she has always been the same (best friends from 11).

She gets upset when people bring it up because she’s tried unsuccessfully to gain weight over many years. She’s had two very healthy children with uncomplicated pregnancies (other than the midwife telling her she was underweight- sent for weekly growth scans, both babies >8lbs)

Edited

She seems to eat normal well balanced meals at home but not sure if they get finished.

When we are out, I don't think meals are finished (uk portions). No vomiting as far as I am aware from food.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 21:56

furryblanky · 09/09/2024 21:53

Gosh that is very under weight. I think you have been encouraging her as best you know in a situation like this. Surely no one naturally weighs that little? If it runs in the family, maybe it's an eating disorder that runs in the family?

Are her eating habits what you would describe as normal? What does she eat?

Struggles to finish food when we are eating outside. Eats well balanced meals from what I can tell when at home.

OP posts:
dammit88 · 09/09/2024 21:59

How old is she?

Comedycook · 09/09/2024 22:00

SeldomAthletic · 09/09/2024 21:53

My mum was a similar size (an inch taller and 5 pounds heavier) when she got married aged 20. 11 months later she gave birth to a 9lb 2oz baby (me). It is very skinny, but that is normal for some people.

This is a terrible response. No it's not usual for a 5'3" woman to weigh 5 and a half stone for goodness sake. She is significantly underweight.

Original poster
ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 22:00

dammit88 · 09/09/2024 21:59

How old is she?

23

OP posts:
TheSilentSister · 09/09/2024 22:03

I know several people like this. It's maybe a little unusual but not not unique. Family history is a good marker of whether this is an issue. My best friend and my husband were incredibly slim but didn't look ill, no drawn cheeks, weakness in limbs etc. Neither skipped meals, ate normally but not massive appetites.

dammit88 · 09/09/2024 22:03

I think you are right to be concerned ... could you speak to her mum if she lives at home? Is her mum approachable?

DreadPirateRobots · 09/09/2024 22:05

You've talked to her, she's told you clearly and unambiguously to butt out. She doesn't appear to be non-legally competent or in serious decline. Whether you are right about her health or not, it's her body to cherish or ruin as she pleases. Your choices are to leave it alone or to end the relationship.

Supersimkin7 · 09/09/2024 22:06

She’ll be infertile but otherwise she might be ok for now.

Pyjamatimenow · 09/09/2024 22:06

81 is about 5st 7 I think. My 10 year old is 5ft 2 and extremely slim at 6 stone. She is far too thin if your gf is 5ft 3. Is she having periods?

Original poster
ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 22:07

dammit88 · 09/09/2024 22:03

I think you are right to be concerned ... could you speak to her mum if she lives at home? Is her mum approachable?

havent been formally introduced yet

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 22:07

Pyjamatimenow · 09/09/2024 22:06

81 is about 5st 7 I think. My 10 year old is 5ft 2 and extremely slim at 6 stone. She is far too thin if your gf is 5ft 3. Is she having periods?

yup !

OP posts:
Pyjamatimenow · 09/09/2024 22:09

ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 22:07

yup !

Show quote history

I’m surprised.How do you know she’s 81lb? Is that just a number she told you or have you actually seen her stand on the scale?

FavouritePhoto · 09/09/2024 22:10

If I was you I'd get out while you can. She won't address whatever issue is going on with her and people that don't face their issues are quite frankly a nightmare to be in a relationship with.

DadJoke · 09/09/2024 22:10

Who does the cooking and what do you eat?

Original poster
ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 22:12

Pyjamatimenow · 09/09/2024 22:09

I’m surprised.How do you know she’s 81lb? Is that just a number she told you or have you actually seen her stand on the scale?

Show quote history

she is on medication where the mg dosage corresponds to her weight. She mentioned she weighed 38kg to me and the dosage corresponds to this.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedBoyfriend · 09/09/2024 22:13

DadJoke · 09/09/2024 22:10

Who does the cooking and what do you eat?

we dont live together. She cooks her own dinners and from the pictures I receive they do seem well balanced and reasonable sized portions (now if they are actually finished i do not know)

OP posts: