Husband left for a week

[Bboo3]

My husband is possibly suffering from depression, he has just been given sertraline, they take up to 6 weeks to kick in fully.
In the mean time he has decided be needs a week break from me and our 3 children, so has moved in with a friend. He said he needs this week to miss me and to decide what he wants going forward. I asked him if there's another woman, and he said there is someone making him happy, but nothing has happened.
I feel like it's emotional abuse, sat here waiting a week to decide whether we are going to fight for our marriage or if he is going to walk away for good.
We have 3 children, 6, 4 and 2. I have told them he's away with work for this week.
I don't know how he can be so cruel. It's been 2 days so far and he's said he's enjoying his time away, he doesn't miss me as of yet, and he feels unsure about our future.
What am I supposed to do? Sit here for a week and let him decide? I am doing everything on my own whilst he is figuring his head out.
Should I just call it a day? We have been together 18 years!! I never thought this would happen. How can he be enjoying his time away when his children are here!
I'm upset, I feel sick, I don't sleep, I feel angry. I want him to come back and work on things like a grown up. But will I be a le to trust him now. Urgh!!!!!!!!!

You can't stop it. Unfortunately, during his contract time he can take the kids wherever he wants and to see whoever he wants. Unless she's a safeguarding concern you can't do anything. You need to get used to not having a say on his days during his time. Likewise, he can't dictate to you .

I'm seeing a solicitor Thursday, they don't want to leave the house. It needs to be on their terms

I just want to say I think youve been amazing and youve done so bloody well, well done. I know how hard it must have been. Good luck with everything x

Good luck OP. So sorry you are going through this. I admire you for your strength.

Omg this is heartbreaking for the children, so no contact with GM but now they may have to spend time in her house, surely that's wrong on every level, so besides dealing with mum and dads situation they now have to play happily family with GP whom they don't know, this is so wrong,
Op can you agree that h comes around to your home to spend time with children which will be upsetting enough for them anyways, I couldn't imagine handing my children over to him to take to unknown family, system is broken, heaven knows what affects this will have long term, please get as much advice on situation,

I'd wait to see if he says he wants to take them there? What are the ages of your children - sorry if I've missed that? If they are old enough to say no and express that through talking / crying etc then he'd be a fool to physically force them into a car to take them someplace - he'd ruin his relationship with them forever

But others are right in that if there is no safety concern you can't legally block him from taking them there

They are his kids as well. The presumption is that he as their father has their best interests at heart and will safeguard them.

Sadly even if it goes to court he’s allowed to see them at his home even if it’s a summer house he’s living in unless unsafe to do so or there are safeguarding issues and even then most courts don’t give a shit as it’s 50:50 regardless as fathers have rights

you'll have to be firm with the kids unless their father never really spent time with them before then I agree with being upstairs but if he was hands on you can’t be there as you’ll be the default parent. Yes their world and yours have been turned upside down. But no fuss is the way to go.

id be inclined to get your lawyer to draw up a contact agreement for the now and can be reviewed in 3 months for any changes
like say 3 times a week he does tea, bath and bed
no overnights just yet as it’s all new, but he might want to take them overnight.
so say every other weekend and one night a week mid week to begin with. If he has an OW in the sidelines it won’t last long unless she’s told him no as well

it'll be hard I know but you’ll have no choice if he goes to court so compromise as much as you can now.

say 3 times a week he does tea, bath and bed

No way would I agree to this in my home. He left. His choice. He can't just waltz back in when he pleases and play daddy whilst the OP has to hide away and feel uncomfortable in her own home.

If he wants to see them so much then he'll be sure to sort suitable accommodation quickly which doesn't involve a summer house

the children are too young to be given this sort of power and actually it’s not fair on them to put so much in their hands

So I have to send them to him crying for mummy?

You have to help them get used to it. You can’t alienate the other parent.

he is a toddler. You need to big it up the greatness even if it eats you up inside.

your children have two parents. They deserve a relationship with both

This has certainly moved very fast.

Wow I bet your Stance has shook his foundations and that's the last thing the weasel would have expected.
I hope I can say this on behalf of everyone else who has followed your tribulations of yours and your children.
We are proud of you.

Yes and he put this up for debate when he walked out. He will have a relationship. But he will not be having them 3 nights. He doesn't even have a place for them to stay. And they will go if they want to. I am not here to force them kicking and screaming

I've never heard of freezing someone's mortgage responsibilities - could you expand on this please? My understanding is that it doesn't matter who is paying the mortgage, the house is a marital asset and the value (including any equity) will be taken into account during the divorce.

So the solicitor can calculate how much he would get if we sold the house and split profits now. And his profits would be frozen at that. As if we don't divorce for another say 5 years, he would be owed more due to equity increase and me paying the mortgage. He isn't paying anything now towards mortgage

You need to separate your relationship with him from their relationship with them. Whatever happens he is still their father.

at the moment everything is new and painful and you are obviously hurt but you need to keep that away from the children and help them have a relationship with him. The kicking and screaming will come from your negativity.

I haven't been negative about him. Even when we were together the children would cry if I left them, even just to go shopping. They used to watch me leave from window crying! I thought, I only leaving you with daddy! They have always been super close to me.

You need to be super careful that you don’t do anything that can be twisted as being “parental alienation.” Courts absolutely will expect you to do everything you can to support contact.

I understand this. He said he wouldn't force them to go or do anything that upset them. I hope he sticks to that

How involved with the kids was he before this? My kids are similar in age to yours and although I would say they are closer to me, they wouldn’t be screaming for me if their dad took them out, I don’t think this is a normal reaction from kids that age, it sounds like they are either afraid of him or that he hasn’t been involved enough for them to form a close bond. What is his relationship like with the kids? Sorry you’re going through this, it must be so difficult for you. Do you have any other family support?

I don't understand how you can freeze someone else's mortgage responsibility. How is that even right? It's a joint mortgage right?

"So the solicitor can calculate how much he would get if we sold the house and split profits now. And his profits would be frozen at that. As if we don't divorce for another say 5 years, he would be owed more due to equity increase and me paying the mortgage. He isn't paying anything now towards mortgage"

I thought this just started a week ago last Saturday ?

in the kindest possible way, you need to acknowledge contact would be granted. He could have moved in with a pothead stranger, so the fact your children haven’t seen grandma for years is not going to count. You will need to encourage your kids to go with him unfortunately, that mummy doesn’t come too anymore.