Where do all the single, nice 45+ men go?

[OnthetracktoLondon]

Hello,

OLD just is not working for me. I’m a 52 year old female, not bad for my age, in a professional job, like the outdoors, love to travel, love long weekends in London…

I just don’t like anyone on OLD. It’d not the right platform for me and it feels like an Argos catalogue.

I am feeling down about it all.

Left a long, sexless marriage, about 4 years ago now simply because there was no affection/attraction there and a ten year age gap (that didn’t help).

Where am I going wrong?

I don't know what your acronym means, why did I mention looks? because I've never had a relationship with someone I didn't fancy like mad. I appreciate that's often different for women, but its not common for men in my experience. Was also a thread on here recently where a 50 something woman absolutely didn't fancy men her age, lots agreed I've no problem with that, lots of guys think & do the same, date different races, ages, cultures whatever floats your boat.

It might be really difficult to find what you are looking for, I've no idea, my fundamental retort is simply I just don't believe the popular manta on here, repeated often that there are absolutely no decent single men, all are single for a reason etc.

I don't know what your acronym means, why did I mention looks? because I've never had a relationship with someone I didn't fancy like mad

NAMALT = not all men are like that.

I agree (as a woman) - I don't want a relationship with someone I don't fancy. I have plenty of friends. But I've also found decent men on OLD, over 50, so I seem to be an outlier in that sense. (Thoroughly indecent when the occasion requires it, though.)

Don't be please. You need to expand your dating pool and look at 30+ old men. Ignore the main narrative on mumsnet that all men are looking for younger women. Men are looking for the right women , they all have different priorities and not everyone wants to meet a young one to have children with, etc. Please do not limit yourself to 45+ men only. This is recipe for disappointment. My advice is to invest into yourself, expand your interests and keep your options open. Men never limit themselves why should we?

Maybe she's not interested in younger men and it's also quite likely those men will want to have children one day.

Hate this “all the good ones are taken or still married” attitude. That infers all single people are awful. I’m a single and divorced woman and there’s nothing wrong with me 😄 I was in the wrong relationship so I left. I enjoy my single life with friends and family and think one day perhaps I’ll find my person but if not that’s fine too. Good luck to you I hope a lovely guy crosses your path soon. I like to think good people gravitate to other good people x

@Gwenhwyfar Maybe she doesn't but by choosing only older she isn't choosing the best option available. Anyone can change their mind about anything. Life is unpredictable

Missing the point completely @dontcryformeargentina is just saying women shouldn’t limit themselves, not all men are looking for the same things.
Bit of a sweeping generalisation to say all younger men are all likely to want children.
If you’re a 50 yr old woman, why isn’t it ok to go for someone 10/12 yrs younger.It an individual choice.

Based on watching my 49 year old friend, divorced two years, good-looking, clever, high-prestige job, financially very comfortable, very physically fit, and generally counting as a ‘catch’ — bluntly, he can have his pick of women. His most recent girlfriend I’ve met is younger, extremely pretty, a medic with a gorgeous Regency house and enough money to keep several horses in FT livery. And when his friends were introducing him to women just after his divorce, they were all extremely glamorous and under 35.

This just proves my point- invest into yourself and do what men do - which is - do not limit your options. 50% of his success with women is that he thinks he is a catch and confidently opens himself up for all the life possibilities.

The issue is there are far less nice single men than women. As we see over and over again on MN, many men are awful.

So I suppose the nice ones are snapped up quickly and don't come on the "market" .

Well, kind of. But his confidence comes from the fact that, undeniably, he ranks highly as a potential match in fairly objective terms — looks, fitness, money, job etc. He’s not a ‘swaggering’ type, and he’s actually quite shy, but everything in his surroundings is telling him appeals to women now he’s free after a long marriage. I remember after a parents’ evening at his older child’s secondary him saying two class mums had messaged him and asked him out later the same night.

Maybe that’s because he wasn’t limiting himself.
Point being, a 49 yr old woman, has got a lot to offer too, not all men are looking for much younger women or want to be with someone who’s almost 20 years younger.

Maybe they're just enjoying the single life, like lots of over 45 women. The compromises a relationship requires become less appealing the older you get. I assume that applies to men as well as women. Some people just enjoy the freedom that comes with being single, are comfortable by theirselves and don't necessarily want a significant other. For some reason people who've never been single and happy cannot fathom this and automatically assume there is something wrong with such people.

What an unpleasant post, why does it mean something "wrong" with them if they are not married, why do you think your opinion of others is such high value ?

Linkedin… messages asking if I would go out for a drink, not keen personally on the approach, but apparently there’s a linkedin dating hashtag you can use if you are open to messaging.

My most vulgar friend has a saying which is middle aged women have cats while middle aged men are just looking for pussy

I’m not sure I understand what you mean by ‘not limiting himself’? That his male friends (apparently correctly) thought he would be appealing as a 48 year old divorcé to a glamorous Brazilian of 32 wasn’t because he wasn’t limiting himself. I’m struggling to imagine an equivalent group of women saying to a newly divorced woman at the end of her 40s, ‘Let me give you the phone number of my hot, 32 year old Brazilian colleague — I bet he’d be all over you!’

I didn't say all, I said it's 'quite likely', which I stand by.

Urgh, this depressing.

Relatively recently divorced here, and mid 40s.

I recently ended a relationship with someone as it didn’t feel right and I didn’t see a future with him.
Should I have stayed because he was the best I’m going to get?

See, when I was late 20s/early 30s and men 15/20 years older (some very wealthy etc) approached me, I gave them a big swerve. I assumed there was something wrong with them and women their own age wouldn't put up with it. They were deluded too if they thought they were anywhere near as physically attractive as men in their 20s or 30s. Also had no desire to be a "trophy wife" or a carer while still relatively young. Lots of my peers felt exactly the same way.

I don't regret not settling for one of those older men at all. I'd much rather be single!

After all the recent news I think it's been long established that nice men are less common than nice women and I'm not even setting 'nice' at a high threshold. The few of them stay married or have a queue of eligible women. If you're a nice average woman, it's just not enough to bag him.

Step away from trying to get a good one off the internet. It's not Amazon. You'll get the curated and possibly fake persona.

Do things, go to things, get interested in things, get known, go out, chat about what you do on Facebook (I have, ahem, recently received two very nice hopeful and polite 'are you single'? messages from real world acquaintances who I'm still cordial with now they know I'm not).

Be interested, be interesting, look after yourself, be social, have loads of female friends who might coincidentally have nice friends, brothers, colleagues etc - old fashioned matchmaking can work.

Get to know them as acquaintances, colleagues, friends first.

See them with others, after a few drinks, how they behave towards women, how they drive, how they behave when things don't go according to plan, how they treat people, what they're obsessed with. You'll be more aware which ones ARE nice. And single. Before getting in too deep with a relationship.

If they are 45 and nice, they are married, not single.

Oh my goodness, give it a rest.He’s still 49 yrs old.What you’re saying, he’s got endless choices, but this doesn’t apply to women of the same age, or in early 40’s.
In the long term, big age gaps, don’t always work in the women’s favour, age gaps pushing 20 yrs.So it’s great in the beginning, however will the women under 35 feel the same in 15 yrs time when he’s 65 and they’re in their early to mid 40’s.I guess it depends what outlook you’ve got regarding a long term relationship.

D12troop My lovely friend died 2 years ago ,She and her DH were very happy.Her Husband is obv upset and has joined a walking group .Been on a holiday and gone to church.Surely he should not be committed to a lonely life ? I mean he isnt ready to meet anyone yet, but as a 50 something he has got lots of good years left hopefully. Dont condemn him!