Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

Nope sorry not buying it. And I say that as someone who suffers from anxiety.

Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty.

Exactly

Because he can’t do it in person maybe easier on words tho isn’t it

You really do not 'have a lot in common'.
He is not worth one more moment of your time. Stop. Just stop and block him, or you will be pandering to his weirdness and being pulled every which way by him.
He has shown you who he is, come here, no, go now, actually now you are not here I am ' feeling naughty'. Waste of skin.

You think the op should take on this guy's issues when she doesn't even know him? She's not a bloody rehab for dysfunctional men. She should be running in the opposite direction.

don’t need to investigate any of that. Just drop him.

Yep he has had a past relationship which I think hasn’t been good for him hence the therapy, he did say he did want to meet me, he is an introvert for sure. He said he went on tinder to start meeting people otherwise he’d get too reclusive

I agree with this in that going to their place on a first meeting places far too much expectations of it turning into sex as if your here now & you are probably expecting me to go for it. They may not be ready to take it further on the first meeting, the same with many women & that's OK. If this is why he 'freaked out' OP it's understandable. He wasn't ready despite saying he 'felt naughty' & thought like many women on first meetings you possibly were. It would also feel too early to talk about that side of things. If not this then there may be issues too deep for you to cope with. As for saying he felt naughty, again this is another expectation nowadays that this is what people want to hear so they feel pressured to try & act the same way as others. I'm not saying it's definitely what this situation is but communication is key if you feel there is a genuine connection emotionally & physically.

I agree. It was certainly his fault. Don't know what's up with him but something is. Too much hassle. Don't bother.

Personally I would block and move on. if ou are still interested then suggest a daytime date, coffee or lunch or something simple and go from there with no talk of sex.

You should never go back to a guy's house who you just met - texting doesn't count, sorry, it just doesn't. Why do women do this? Wait a few dates. Men also get scared and insecure and unsure, too. He's not playing head games with you, he just got afraid/unsure. He is a human being. Is all. Why rush into sex? Just enjoy a few dates first. Ease into it. If you think you have things in common, why rush it? What's the rush for sex? I don't understand it.

Me too! Creepy

What type of anxiety do you have though? Because it's a spectrum....someone with health anxiety for instance would have anxiety centred around checking their body for moles or breasts for lumps

Smeone with anxiety centred around something happening to their kids may not let their kids pit of their sight or worry all day about something happening to them.

Someone with agoraphobia would have anxiety trying to set foot outside their door

Someone with social anxiety may have fear of being face to face with someone, whether speaking to someone or having sex with someone, despite their desire to have an intimate relationship

I think a lot of people on here don’t understand the point of tinder…

most of the time it’s not for deep and meaningfuls and meeting the love of your life

He's a headfuck. He just wants to enjoy the cyber sex but not a proper relationship or even a casual fuck. Definitely find a better one!

They’ve been sexting for weeks prior to meeting up; I don’t think old-fashioned romance is on the cards here.

I too would freak out if my date kept going on about being "naughty" 🤢

Far too much information for a first date. Texting and calling isn't getting to know someone, it isn't real until it's in person. This bloke wants to take up your time texting and probably talking about sex. Don't let him. Block and keep looking. If he was genuine, he wouldn't have started on about sex after the date went wrong. That to me shows he is odd

Someone who keeps changing the goal posts is an example of headworking. The fact he’s acting like this already in the first date, confusing the OP and making her question mentally what’s going on is not a good sign. I wouldn’t be surprised if he progressed to being very emotionally manipulative if she was to keep seeing him. Better to block and move on.

greatbetleyfarmhouse.co.uk/the-headworker/

A lot of men are like that. A guy in the States somehow connected with me on Hinge once. I didn’t notice he lived in NYC when we started talking but I didn’t mind when I found out as I go to the States a lot.

He was very flirty. Dropped some sexual innuendo even. Then I mentioned I was going to be in Philadelphia in a few weeks (which is really close to NYC). He just ignored it completely.

It was clear he didn’t actually want to meet up or have sex or kiss or anything else as he would have leapt at the chance knowing I was going to be in a neighbouring state .

There’s a lot of unemotionally available men out there who will waste your time if you let them.

Agree with pp that it’s not a good or safe idea to go back to a man’s house on a first date anyway. Are you looking for FWB or a serious relationship?

Either way this seems too much work, he needs to work on himself a lot more before he starts dating again. I’d let this one go.

I don't think we should knock the bloke to much, doubtful the OP really knows him well enough to say what kind of person he is. Stuff does go wrong with OLD, some of the dates I have had I can't even give you a reason for why I didn't want to be with them - admittedly I didn't sleep with those men. She does of course have a right to walk away and if she asks him to stop texting he should.

Bollocks to this! Ditch him.

You are not his Penfriend.

going forward, arrange coffee quicker and don’t do all the texting. Otherwise you get emotionally involved and then think you owe them something. Get a coffee/walk within a week. Good luck. I’ve been there.

Loads of blokes on OLD sites just want someone to talk dirty to them while they have a wank. That's it. I've had loads of guys try to steer me into basically doing that. I won't do it because I'm not a free 0800 number. That's what this guy is up to.

This. Relationships ,whether fleeting or long term ,should enhance your life. That is not going to happen here.Block and move on