Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

But that’s probably what OP wants 🤷🏼‍♀️

Definetely not what I want as I want someone who can be in a relationship with me as well as having the passion. This guy just isn’t ready even though he made out that he was sometimes before we met.

I don’t think you’ll find your soulmate here either (although maybe a bit of excitement). What’s your plan? You could continue to moon over this specimen or start a new conversation about how to change your thought patterns so that you know better how to spot and be ready for exploring a healthy relationship.

You said (twice) that you have blocked him. Have you really? How about going one step further and deleting Tinder, now that you have accepted that the sort of men that hang out there are not the types you are interested in.

I have taken him off now and tinder too. Tinder is depressing! I really need to meet someone in the real world. But as a single mum of 4 with a rubbish ex that is hard.

It’s incredibly hard. And it’s awful to say - but we don’t always get what we want, at least not right at this time. All things may need their own season.

Focussing on bringing up your kids, putting boundaries around your ex and taking time to do things you enjoy for no other reason that you enjoy them is not wasting time on your search for a good man. All of this would help you to be in a better place to explore a relationship in a healthy way than the path you are on now.

And stop making excuses for shit men! There are a million ways for them to get their rocks off on the internet. Every kink is catered for. Why the fuck is he targeting you? My guess is because he’s smelled vulnerability, cajoling you is part of his wank fodder - making you do it when he knows you don’t want to. It’s creepy and revolting.

The issue here is that I made it-was hoping for something else. And got sucked in by the whole calling me baby staying over seeing each other every time I was up in his direction. So it’s the disappointment for me I think. And I liked him/was attracted to him when we met.

It is very hard. But it’s even harder when you engage with shitty men waving giant red flags.

Have you tried other dating apps other than Tinder? Bumble and Hinge are a bit more female friendly - though all sites attract time wasters and sex pests. Tinder and POF seem to be the dregs

I haven’t and to be honest just don’t have any interest in dating sites now! 🙈

This is good advice OP.

You will meet someone way more suitable in real life who you have things in common with when you put all of your energies into things you and your children enjoy. It might not be now or in a year but it will happen.

This guy you met on OLD really was dross. A lesson or two learned though. Words are cheap. Anyone can call you baby and say they are going to do this and that with you.

You’ll meet other parents, some single, some with single friends, by doing activities with or for DC via school or outside school. Concentrate on great experiences for your family and things will fall into place.

💐

Ugh, I think being called baby is creepy personally. You're a grown woman! And especially creepy if you don't actually have a relationship of any kind. It's more like repeating lines from the movies (or something seedier). Might even be part of his wank script (though you may feel I'm overly cynical here)

I honestly don’t know but it’s given me some lessons to take away!

Come on OP. Seriously 🤢
What tf are you thinking entertaining this shite?

I’m not entertaining it anymore believe me! Whatever the reason he clearly isn’t even ready for anything even casual

You’re still thinking about him though! He still has headspace in there. Get off this thread for good and go and live your life.

Agreed. Its a non-starter

Hey OP, you're lonely and getting used ri being alone - so radar for shitty men is not working atm. The apps aren't the issue, it's the men you choose to chat to from them that is. Even if you met this guy in the pub you'd have gotten involved and he'd still be shut. Apps are just a way to meet people like anything in real life - but you need a stronger BS detector in general and to understand people a bit better.

Be a cynic when it comes to strangers - your trust should be earned by them proving they're deserving of it repeatedly. Don't give trust to some random just because he calls you baby! Give trust to someone who is reliant and shows up in person for you regularly not just when they're horny. This goes for real life too.

Can you focus on some interests or hobbies or a way to better you career, learn a new skill etc? You're just recovering from a shitty ex so take time to learn more about yourself and break bad habits that had you stuck with your ex in the first place. Having casual sex is fine if that's what you want bit only when you can separate sex from relationships.

*someone who is reliable, not reliant

Good advice thankyou Should of really known when he was pushing for vids and then getting funny about it when I didn't send him perfect ones. And when I told him I was ill in bed and he was just like oh I'll send you something naughty to cheer you up etc

With respect op, I can’t believe you are in your 40s and a mum of 4!! What would you advise your daughter? Reads as if you are a teenager. I don’t think you are ready to date at all. Concentrate on your kids and maybe get some counselling, this man was a walking red flag that should have been binned straightaway.

Christ! How low is your bar that you see this type of attention as a thrill?

Seriously OP, you shouldn’t be dating at all if you’re not in a place where you recognise your own self-worth.

Oh my god you're still going!!!!

You sound unhealthily obsessed with his non-encounter. You have children, put some energy into them rather than desperately analysing this loser.

And for fuck's sake stop with the "naughty" talk. It's beyond embarrassing.

OP, this is becoming quite revolting and, yes, you should 'of' known. Honestly, i'm beginning to wonder if you are real.

Indeed. We continue to circle around this drain. No growth, no forward movement, same thought processes, blocked and then not blocked and here the word ‘naughty’ makes a reappearance. I’m feeling on the hook with something and I can’t pin it down.

More red flags than you'd see in China. Block him.