Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

I know it sounds nuts as I’d only been talking to him every day for 4 weeks and then it all went pear shaped. No reason for me to be wasting anymore time on him I get it.

I absolutely agree you should stop speaking to him. And I suspect you’re not the first to send him vids/pics. Likely won’t be the last. I also think you should block him as he may well be back after a bit of time

But as for being nuts…I’d be surprised if everyone here (who dates anyway) hasn’t obsessed over an unread messages at least once. It’s a fairly common response. I just think some of the comments (not even just the one I’ve quoted) have been pretty harsh.

Yep. Agreed. The annoying thing is he was like oh don’t stop texting read them for a couple of days and then nothing. I guess that’s my answer

I think your answer is that he asked for those pics/vids so soon and without meeting. It’s a thing on apps. Some guys try and get you into WhatsApp asap as it is easier to do there. And also they can get banned for asking on the apps as it’s against rules. This is why (when) I was OLD that I never give my number before meeting. If they just want pics/vids they will either unmatch or get stroppy when you won’t give your number. Which is a quick way to figure out their intentions

Some guys for whatever reason, do not actually want the face to face sex. Reasons - already in a relationship and worried about getting caught, have erection/performance issues or worries face to face, have voyuer fetish so just want vids. As well if a whole host of things you would never guess at

One thing…his behaviour most likely has nothing to do with you. It’s likely a pattern he has repeated before and will do again

I could be totally wrong of course. But I did OLD for several years and saw this type of behaviour multiple times.

Thanks that makes me feel a bit better. Not saying he is a bad person but he did say he freaked out last year when he went to a girls house he met online and literally just left. So yes possibly he has done this before. He always used to get angsty as well when sending him vids saying his were clear and mine werent!/then accused me of doing it on purpose 🙄

As PP says, you had your answer a few weeks ago when this man was immediately sexting and asking for videos.

Men who want proper relationships don’t do this. They try to meet up for a coffee/chat to see if there is attraction face to face.

It can feel like you get nowhere on OLD if you write off all the ones who immediately pester for your number, who sext, who wriggle out of meet ups, who ask very personal questions, who love bomb, who ask for ‘extra’ photos etc. But when you don’t waste any time on those ones, you might just be able to see the rarer good ones shining through!

And you have said you want more than just FWB/hook-ups. You won’t turn an immediate sexter and boundary pusher into good relationship material.

If you seem to attract nothing but sexters, check out your profile with fresh eyes. Does it make it seem like that’s all you’re after too? Could you add a lighthearted sentence at the end eg ‘Respectful messages only please. Let’s see how we get on over coffee!’

Maybe stick to in real life for a while?

The problem here is that he'd almost groomed you and you found him attractive on meeting, when so many internet connections are disappointing in real life. If you had spoken and found a connection (without sending sexy content) and met up and fancied each other it could be seen as a good thing. But pent up sexual tensions were allowed to build before you actually knew each other in person so in effect a fantasy. His other issues make him not good relationship material and his response on your date was a big warning sign to you both that it was all a fantasy that didn't play out as expected and a disappointment (maybe for you both). As others have advised don't invest too much time anticipating meeting the person of your dreams before you've actually seen them in real life.. if they are drop dead gorgeous consider why they've struggled to make a relationship work.. nobody is perfect but you want to know you get on well out of the bedroom first and that the person you are talking to is not dangerous frankly. Mental health issues are often attributed to people who have spent time in prison for example, you need to keep safe

With respect OP, it’s time to stop believing anything he said. To stop going over things. This was a stranger demanding you send him clear videos of yourself and telling you off for not making them graphic enough.

Imagine you bumped into him at a bar and had never met before. And you chatted and he told you he was horny. And he told you he went for a hook up but freaked out. And said babe I’ll cook you a meal one day. And then said give me your number so I can sext you. And also send me some videos later and make them clear because I’ll be horny again. Would you think this man is a weirdo? How far along would you have got before walking away from the bar?

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Yeah. He was like do you want up to meet up tonight the first time he text me when we met online, I said no then he said would you like me to do this to you, (so sexual) that way you will want to come back and see me in 2 weeks time 🙈 first time we actually talked

So let’s be honest OP the red flags were there from the start. This isn’t a man looking for anything other than a cheap easy shag and some wank fodder.

They're ten a penny on OLD casting their net wide and hoping they get the occasional bite. The vast majority of the women they send those messages to instantly unmatch.

Honestly if you’re looking for a relationship and not a one off shag, steer clear of anyone who starts sex talk before you’ve even met.

I know. 😐

he thought he wanted to hook with you but changed his mind on the day (no real reflection on you) made up some cock and bull excuse and has made you feel like shit.. block him, dont give him the opportunity to toy with your emotions and question yourself because he has issues. It's a bit sleazy and not indicative of any positive relationship. He could well be someone who has reasons for having poor mental health, but he is more likely to drag you down than bring you up. If you needed to ask strangers on Mumsnet you are showing signs of vulnerability because otherwise you would share with friends in real life instead unless you know in your heart they would disapprove

He definitely shouldn’t be pushing you for better images/vids. But glad to hear they weren’t clear as that protects you somewhat! (I assume you kept your face out of them too.) That’s a win

Chalk this one up to experience and it’s given you a clearer picture of what you might come across on OLD. You went into this sincerely and with trust by the sound of it. You just need to a be a little more aware that OLD is notoriously shady.

I once had a guy I spoke to in-depth on app. We have quite a ‘unique’ hobby in common and got really into that topic. Knew things in common. Potentially knew people in common. I let my guard down and gave him my WhatsApp before meeting. THE VERY NEXT MORNING…I woke up to THE MOST EXPLICIT message. I responded ‘really?’ Which he read straight away. I have him 5 mins to respond and when he didn’t, blocked him

With the guy you’re talking about…I’d be wary of the messaging sometimes and not responding others too. Very common pattern with guys that are not single. And a lot of the guys on apps are not single

just be super sceptical

But op you were clearly responding and engaging. I’m really not sure he’s the one solely at fault.

Yes agreed,

I'm not saying it was all.him or blaming it on him at all.

Block asap. You also put yourself in quite a dangerous situation by going back to his place on a first date

Yeah thinking about it the first thing I text him was what are you into (as in interests) he took it I meant sexual and came back with sexual answers 🙄

Block!

Update low and behold he text me out of the blue, told me he wanted something naughty then said he was just joking as he was too paranoid and wasn’t sure that he could do this, then said he wanted something naughty again and told me he’s too paranoid.

Yeah so have you blocked him now?

Are we still doing this?

WTF. Just block him. He's so creepy.

Why are you still entertaining this, OP? You need to raise your standards.

So he’s cast his net out not caught anyone else so thought he’d have another crack at you then?

FFS why is he not blocked? I think you’re enjoying the drama because otherwise your bar is in the gutter.

This!!

I don’t understand why he is being entertained or he’s even being given headspace to the point of coming on here to update.

He is lucky it’s not me, he would never contact me again by the time I would have tore a strip off him from his first round of tomfoolery/nonsense.