Tinder date did not go well 🫣

[BeRoseScroller]

After almost 3 weeks of texting non stop talking daily etc etc I finally met up with my tinder date. We met up and went back to his and in his words he freaked out. Said this happened with a girl he met last year and he just left. He’s been texting me since and keeps saying it’s not me it’s him he gets paranoid about things etc. I know he’s had some stuff go on the past couple of years and he’s an overthinker but he couldn’t get me out of there quick enough. He was like nice to meet you anyway even though Im really random. Then starts texting me at 1am in the morning saying he’s feeling naughty. Confused is an understatement. Maybe I should just stop communication with him 🤷‍♀️

Imagine getting a text saying “I want something naughty”, then imagine it came from a man who’d tried to have sex with you and failed. Ugh.

This man is 100% married.

I have blocked him yes. I just wanted to do a little update as to him getting back in touch. He said he hasADHD possibly OCD. So that would explain it.

No it wouldn’t!

Having ADHD and/or OCD doesn’t explain being a twat.

Don't make excuses for this mug

That doesn't explain it but I will. He likes to wank using photos/videos he is collecting from Tinder, he probably has 100's stored from different women and when he gets bored of what he has collected he contacts those he's been successful with in the past looking for more wank fodder. He has no intentions of a relationship and doesn't even want/cannot have an actual sexual relationship. Porn probably doesn't do it for him because he wants some sort of 'connection' but not anything real. He will use whatever methods he thinks works to get his wank bank refilled, in your case he decided if you felt sorry for him you'd comply (and you did, for quite a while). He'll have a major case of death grip when it comes to actual sex so that's probably why he got rid of you but wanted more pictures/videos. I'm hoping you've blocked him and don't unblock at any stage, for any reason.

Are you looking to experience true suffering before you start writing your novel? If not, there is no good reason to waste your time on this one. He needs to complete his therapy before he starts dating.

No it wouldn’t.
I hate when people use ADHD/autism/OCD as excuses for being a twat. It makes me angry actually, as it perpetuates a negative stereotype and does enormous disservice to people who actually do have those conditions; most of whom manage not to be utter twats.

Don’t know why it took so long to block him, OP, but for god’s sakes make sure he stays blocked.

No that wouldn't explain it.

So despite every post previously you chose not to block him until now?

Which tbh does sound like you were ignoring every red flag and every piece of advice and secretly wanted him to get back in touch.

I came to say something similar. He is wanking over the idea of you. You are an actor in his wank scenarios. He's thinking about you and ... 🤢

Huh? Why was my post deleted?

I said I was personally offended by problematic behaviour being attributed to ADHD. Was that it?

I also said that the OP may be harming herself by maintaining contact. That we might be contributing to that. I also felt that we might just be feeding an attention need. Was it one of those?

No it wouldn't! How fucking rude.

What explains it is that he's a creep. And you're willing to enable his creeping around if it means you get a bit of male attention.

Grow up and get a clue.

He's not ready to date, but he's looking for gratification until he is. Well done for throwing this one back. He will keep trying to come out of the woodwork when he's bored unless you draw a hard line with him.

Ultimately until he's ready to be with someone - whether that's in a relationship or even just casually, he'll keep picking you up and putting you down and messing with you.

Even if you're okay with a casual relationship, it's clear he's no ready for that. What he's doing to you isn't fair, and in my opinion you really needed to set that boundary with him, either by blocking him or - if you do like him - by outright telling him not to contact you until he's actually ready. Then you can decide whether or not it's something that you still want to pursue.

I have ADHD myself, and believe me it's absolutely no excuse for him to act like this.

I 100% agree with this. I’m sure it’s happened before, he even said that he’s freaked being intimate with girls (the one last year being an example)

And yet you maintain contact with him. And come on here making excuses for him.

What gives @BeRoseScroller? What are you hoping to get from this thread?

So why continue to entertain his BS and let him live free in your head?

Do you enjoy the drama because that’s how it’s coming across?

No it really wouldn't, but you stay a river in Africa if it suits you

No. I don’t enjoy the drama. I’ve annoyed myself really about the whole thing.

I’m genuinely interested in this conversation. It’s not about him, it’s well established that he’s a horror and there are plenty like him, particularly on Tinder. No need to go back over that ground.

I’m interested YOU OP. Why are you still engaged with this conversation here? Why are you still thinking about him? What has he got that’s keeping him in your mind?

Understanding this will help us to help the next woman that comes along with similar struggles.

So why not block him previously?

Mumsnet deleted my comment because they think I was suggesting you are not being genuine. If you agree with that then I apologise. I was very annoyed about the ‘because he has ADHD and OCD’ comment as that a”impacts me directly.

But I’m serious, are we making this worse by engaging with you? Because you don’t seem to have moved on at all. My post above explains this a bit more.

I really don’t know. I needed some excitement in my life but clearly was looking for it in the wrong place. I’m missing that one thing that everyone else I know has - that soulmate! But tinder isn’t the place to find it that’s for sure