I enjoyed my ex at a size 10/12.....ick

[helenabeesky]

Been talking to a guy that I actively went to school with. Been chatting on and off for a few weeks.

My divorce has come though and he is almost divorced. Live in the same village so we do sort of know each other.

Anyway we were chatting the other night and I told him how much weight I had lost since my divorce began, joking that I call it the 'divorce diet'. He said he's also lost weight recently (which he has).

He then asked me what size I was in clothes and what size I am now. He said I didn't have to tell him - he was just making conversation.

I didn't mind really, I told him I'm an 8/10 now and used to be a 12/14. He congratulated me on my weight loss and then said this

'I enjoyed my ex when she was a 10/12'

Instant ick.

Would anyone else feel the same?

There was something else he said which put me off but I'm just wondering if this comment alone would put you off?

This alone wouldn’t put me off - it sounds like clumsy wording and you were the one talking about your weight loss.

But I agree that it doesn’t sound like he’s over his ex and so I would swerve this one.

I don’t know if it’s just me but I always try and avoid people living too close to me too!

I’d have absolutely no issue with a man saying he preferred slim women.

the word “enjoyed” though absolutely does repulse me.

Well, yes, isn't that casual dating for you? you are allowed to have preferences about size, shape, fitness levels, degree of dental perfection, etc. Whether you wind up with someone who ticks all those boxes is another matter, of course; and in a partner for life, you better believe there are other qualities that need to weigh at least equally in the balance!

I know that my DH looks better at a certain weight, and when he's tending towards lean rather than, ahem, lard. Doesn't mean I don't fancy and love him still when he's heavier, but I like it when he's making an effort to keep in shape, not least because he's increasing his chances of a long and healthy life. And I know the same is true of his thoughts about me. Does that make us bad/shallow?

Enjoyed 🤢
Even if he had worded it differently, he is clearly not over his ex!

I knew my ex for 7 years great guy loads of friends he was horrible to me Clare’s laced him and he had serious offenses towards women I’m only saying this because your comment I know him he’s a okay guy. You will unfortunately never know anyone. I have a boyfriend now how I love to bits but I know that I have to have Boundries bigger then my feelings! Take care x

Yeah I would find that gross. Just a horrible way to talk about a woman regardless of being the size police. “Enjoyed” like you’d enjoy a sandwich or something. I have quite a distinctive style and remember a guy (albeit many years ago) saying that he’d never ‘tried’ a ‘girl like you’…like it’s trying a new flavour of ice cream. No thank you!

He is testing you out, I think he has a bit of a fetish for the larger lady. I am not thinking a size 10/12 is large for a single second but I had an experience with someone who turned out to like his woman on the larger side.
I don't think this is a red flag on it's own but if there have been other comments which are starting to add up I would still carry on with the situation but I would be proceeding with caution.

If only he had said nothing ......

But do you "enjoy" each other more when you are both slimmer?

Bleugh. That is all.

I had an ex who said "you'd be beautiful if you lost a bit of weight"

And another who said "when you were slim, you were beautiful"

And another who removed my meals half way through so that I wouldn't put more weight on.

Bye bye exes !

Blimey - raise your standards

His ex is a human not a g and t

At least you didn’t waste much time w him OP

MN The place where its ok to brag about your career achievements and how you have got to be a high earner but dont you DARE mention any weight loss achievement!!!

Agree their not together either so why would op care so much about how someone words things.
I dont get it.

And this is how he talks when it's early days, when he's trying to impress you and be his best self.....fucking hell.

What he said was awful

No, it's not phrasing we'd use! and no, it doesn't sound good. But if the OP's friend had said - bearing in mind they were swapping stories about weight loss and diets - 'I thought my ex looked at her best at around size 10-12', would that have been more acceptable? Is it OK to have an opinion and, if so, to express it? Or is expressing an opinion about one person's weight to another weird and off-putting in itself? I mean, the guy has worked on his own weight loss, and cares about it enough to talk about it; so does that effort allow him a bit of solidarity with those of us who think our bodies and weight are too often the object of a critical male gaze?

Anyway, OP got the ick, and we cannot argue with the ick, simply bow to its will.

Is English his second language?

Otherwise, yuck.

@JenniferBooth

my comment had absolutely nothing to do with mentioning her weight loss on MN, but to a bloke she was online with,

🙄🙄

Where does it say she was bragging? And why is 'preferred' any better than 'enjoyed'?!

Because everybody is allowed a preference?

@pinkyredrose

I told him how much weight I had lost since my divorce began

He then asked me what size I was in clothes and what size I am now. He said I didn't have to tell him - he was just making conversation.
I didn't mind really, I told him I'm an 8/10 now and used to be a 12/14.

thst's bragging. She wouldn't have started the conversation if she didn't want to brag about it.

people are allowed to have preferences!!

of course I'm physically attracted to blokes with an amazing physique. But within 'normal' body shapes I'm attracted to Dad bods over skinny men. It's MY preference & other people are allowed theirs.

@YeahComeOnThen

No.

In absolutely no point in any of my conversation to him was I bragging.

It was a general conversation.

And even if I was 'bragging' there's nothing wrong with being proud of an achievement.

However in this case I wasn't. Divorce diet = hell on earth going through a divorce with an extremely abusive man to the point I stopped eating and couldn't function properly. Absolutely NOTHING to brag about.

Gross, block him. Although he’ll no doubt go crying the the manosphere that women have totally unreasonable standards these days (like wanting to be seen and thought of as a human being) and that the “ick” is a form of unreasonable discrimination against decent ordinary men like him, but who cares he doesn’t deserve your time or attention.

I think he means he prefers women under a size 12.
DP is the same, he doesn't find women above a size 10 attractive.
I don't know what all the drama is, to be honest.