My husband let his friends wife sit on his lap

[TealCrab]

A bit of back story, hubby and I have been together for over 15 years and have always had a trusting and happy relationship/marriage.

My husband has been friends with - let's call him Ben, for 15 years and I have met his partner let's call her Maria a couple of times, I would describe her as 'someone who likes the male gaze', and always noticed she would speak to the guys in the friendship group and not the girls - not for me but I have always been friendly and polite.

At the weekend Ben and Maria got married, and everyone had a great time. The morning after my husband told me after I went to bed, Maria came to sit with him and some friends, and sat on his lap, he said she could have his seat and he would move, but she said 'no it's fine', so she sat on his lap for about an hour while they all talked.

I just don't know what to do with this information. I feel disrespected by my husband and her and his friends. And am disgusted in all honesty.

I have never faced anything like this in our relationship. Should I just get over it and put it down to a drunken bad decision on my hubby's behalf?

I would appreciate any advice/thoughts 🙏

I’d be pissed off too, OP.

Have you asked him why he didn’t get up and walk away? Or say no?

Meh. She was probably a bit pissed. I can't say I'd be bothered.

That would be a massive no for me op.

I would be very upset if my husband let another woman sit on his lap.

He said after he offered to move didn't want to ask again or move himself as it would be awkward..

I bet Ben is over the moon too.

You're not wrong everyone had a few bevys!

So she sat on your DH's lap for an hour at her own wedding. Where on earth was the bridegroom in all this?
Would seem it wasn't just you that was being disrespected.
I think you should be talking to your DH about boundaries because there seems to be a distinct lack of them in his relationship with this woman.

At their wedding? Surely it means little if she's the bride. She did this infront of everyone. So not a big thing? Or eye someone would've said something, grit uncomfortable, calked to your Dh - ti give him the opportunity to get out of the situation. Presumably everyone thought nothing of it other than late /sone drunk, chatting by all?

Do you really think she was trying to get off with your husband at her own wedding?

I think the fact it’s her wedding makes a difference, she was clearly just drunk, I’ve seen brides do this, just flop on to the nearest knee at the end! Also don’t think your DH would’ve told you if there was anything more to it.

You've already posted this with very slightly different details

An hour? Maybe I’m overthinking it but what were his hands doing in that time? You’d sort of have to ‘cuddle’ somebody to hold your own drink and reach anything IYSWIM. I would be pissed off too and wouldn’t want to meet up with this woman again. DH would be getting the ‘frosty’ treatment for a few days.

I wouldn't be happy about this.

after he offered to move didn't want to ask again or move himself as it would be awkward

I'd also be telling my DH that I'd lost some respect for him for being such a pathetic spineless blob. I mean for a whole hour he couldn't even think of saying "lift up Maria, I need the loo" or something?

More than likely he was enjoying it more than he's letting on 🍆 but just thought he'd better tell you before someone else did.

That's her vibe. But no, it's a disrespect thing more than anything. On my husband's part first and foremost.

I don't think I'd hang him out to dry.
It was unexpected, awkward and they'd been drinking.
But... It's not ok to have such easy intimate familiarity and I'd expect him to agree, and we'd have a chat about what response he'd have ready if she'd tried that one again.
Next time he wouldn't be caught off guard and I'd expect him to handle it better.

If he dismissed it or told me I was unreasonable I'd be properly angry then.

Yes, I was thinking this

Great advice - think this is the best way to handle things

This is a first for me - perhaps someone with similar experience?

I wouldn’t blame your DH.
Yes he could have moved but she was the one in the wrong.

I would feel uncomfortable too but if they were all drunk and nothing else happened then I would try and put it to the back of my mind.

This.

Not that big a deal.

um .. if she just sat down on his lap without asking first, how exactly was he supposed to get her to then leave? Lift her up forcibly using his arms? Push her off onto the floor? Stand up forcibly, assuming her weight did not prevent that, and let her fall onto the floor?

I fully agreed with you that I would be pissed off at both of them… until I realised you were talking about AT her wedding. I love my partner and he’s really assertive with women who hit on him (it’s happened in the past and I do appreciate how direct he is about having a partner he loves so to stop!) but even he would have real trouble telling a bride to get off his lap at her own wedding. So awkward, unexpected and WEIRD that I think if she said no to just having his seat, he’d have sat there baffled until he could think of a reason to leave 😂 in this case, I’d make clear to him that you don’t want this to ever repeat itself and leave it at that!

Let? She does have a mind of her own I presume?

Thing is, he told you. That’s important. Don’t have a go at him because next time he won’t feel able to tell you.