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Original poster

My husband let his friends wife sit on his lap

154 replies

TealCrab · 03/09/2024 21:45

A bit of back story, hubby and I have been together for over 15 years and have always had a trusting and happy relationship/marriage.

My husband has been friends with - let's call him Ben, for 15 years and I have met his partner let's call her Maria a couple of times, I would describe her as 'someone who likes the male gaze', and always noticed she would speak to the guys in the friendship group and not the girls - not for me but I have always been friendly and polite.

At the weekend Ben and Maria got married, and everyone had a great time. The morning after my husband told me after I went to bed, Maria came to sit with him and some friends, and sat on his lap, he said she could have his seat and he would move, but she said 'no it's fine', so she sat on his lap for about an hour while they all talked.

I just don't know what to do with this information. I feel disrespected by my husband and her and his friends. And am disgusted in all honesty.

I have never faced anything like this in our relationship. Should I just get over it and put it down to a drunken bad decision on my hubby's behalf?

I would appreciate any advice/thoughts 🙏

OP posts:
CaptainCabinets · 03/09/2024 22:22

At her own wedding in front of all the other guests, I don’t think I could get too cross. There was probably a lot of drinking involved for all parties! Your DH probably felt a bit awkward asking her to get off!

Also @CaptainCabinetsTrappedInCabinets hi 😂

gaininginsight · 03/09/2024 22:22

I doubt she wanted to get it on with him, don't think that's the aim. The aim is asserting herself that she can do this. You have said she enjoys the male gaze and women who do this type of thing have a super arrogance because 'they can', disregarding that you or anyone else might find it offensive. She wants to be the centre of attention. However, if anyone sat on 'Ben's' lap, that would be a whole different story, because that's her territory and no one can piss in it but she thinks she can piss in anyone else's.

SauviGone · 03/09/2024 22:24

YankeeDad · 03/09/2024 22:17

um .. if she just sat down on his lap without asking first, how exactly was he supposed to get her to then leave? Lift her up forcibly using his arms? Push her off onto the floor? Stand up forcibly, assuming her weight did not prevent that, and let her fall onto the floor?

Show quote history

How about asking her to move because he needed the loo, saying he wanted to get up and go to the bar to get a drink, saying he was going up to his hotel room to check on his wife, telling her to move because her fat arse had given him a dead leg, I can think of loads of ways he could have discreetly got her to move.
Can you really not?

gaininginsight · 03/09/2024 22:25

And I don't agree he couldn't have done anything about it. Even as a joke he could have said 'nope sorry you have to get off, I'm a married man haha...etc...' but he could have done it without making a show of her. An hour is way too long imo. Decent he told you though he may have been worried someone else might have told you first.

Differentstarts · 03/09/2024 22:25

I don't think its a big deal I'm assuming she was drunk and their was a big group sitting around while she did it and she was also probably wearing heals and been on her feet all day and just genuinely wanted to sit down for a minute but got to chatting and time just past . I also don't think your husband did anything wrong, he offered to move and let her have the chair. He also told you all about it

5128gap · 03/09/2024 22:26

WhappleBee · 03/09/2024 22:18

I fully agreed with you that I would be pissed off at both of them… until I realised you were talking about AT her wedding. I love my partner and he’s really assertive with women who hit on him (it’s happened in the past and I do appreciate how direct he is about having a partner he loves so to stop!) but even he would have real trouble telling a bride to get off his lap at her own wedding. So awkward, unexpected and WEIRD that I think if she said no to just having his seat, he’d have sat there baffled until he could think of a reason to leave 😂 in this case, I’d make clear to him that you don’t want this to ever repeat itself and leave it at that!

Completely agree with this. It's beyond awkward but everyone indulges brides at their own wedding and the last thing he'd want to do was upset her. However, he could use better social skills because there's always an excuse to get up, toilet, bar, so there was no need for an hour of it.

LanaParits · 03/09/2024 22:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

cocoloco23 · 03/09/2024 22:28

YankeeDad · 03/09/2024 22:17

um .. if she just sat down on his lap without asking first, how exactly was he supposed to get her to then leave? Lift her up forcibly using his arms? Push her off onto the floor? Stand up forcibly, assuming her weight did not prevent that, and let her fall onto the floor?

Show quote history

“I need to go for a pee. Could you let me up?”

Azerothi · 03/09/2024 22:29

Maybe he didn't want her to get up for fear of everyone seeing his stiffy.

KreedKafer · 03/09/2024 22:30

Provided he didn’t have his arms around her smooching, I don’t think it’s a big deal given that it was her wedding and everyone was blind drunk.

ChesleyMay · 03/09/2024 22:31

I've had a very similar situation OP. Only it was in front of me! We had a night out with our old friends (all known each other over 15 years) and all in our early 30s. My OH friend's wife, drunk as all hell, came and sat on my OHs lap in front of me and her husband.

Honestly I didn't like this, more or less as you say as a respect thing but I wouldn't let this get you down. My OH at the time looked like he wished he could curl up and die! Said he had no idea what to do, felt so awkward with myself and her OH standing there. He knew I didn't like, he didn't either but we just had a good laugh about how awkward it was. Given your OH has told you and you know she'd had a bit to drink, just laugh it off :)

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/09/2024 22:31

Yes, massively disrespectful.

lololulu · 03/09/2024 22:33

He could have gone to the bar / toilet / gone to check on you.

An hour 😬

Original poster
TealCrab · 03/09/2024 22:33

gaininginsight · 03/09/2024 22:22

I doubt she wanted to get it on with him, don't think that's the aim. The aim is asserting herself that she can do this. You have said she enjoys the male gaze and women who do this type of thing have a super arrogance because 'they can', disregarding that you or anyone else might find it offensive. She wants to be the centre of attention. However, if anyone sat on 'Ben's' lap, that would be a whole different story, because that's her territory and no one can piss in it but she thinks she can piss in anyone else's.

100% this, she's not a girls girl. None of my friends would ever do this, regardless of what we have had to drink. Writings been on the wall for a while!

OP posts:
InsensibleMe · 03/09/2024 22:33

It’s definitely the man’s fault.

ShinyPebble32 · 03/09/2024 22:36

You’re just going to have to sit on Ben’s lap at the next party, telling him a very long and interesting story, leaning in extra close of course - as otherwise how will he hear you over the loud music!
That’s the way to deal with the Marias of this world, and the shitty disingenuous DH’s.

Peachy2005 · 03/09/2024 22:37

All he had to do was excuse himself to go the toilet/bar/bed FFS 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
TealCrab · 03/09/2024 22:47

ShinyPebble32 · 03/09/2024 22:36

You’re just going to have to sit on Ben’s lap at the next party, telling him a very long and interesting story, leaning in extra close of course - as otherwise how will he hear you over the loud music!
That’s the way to deal with the Marias of this world, and the shitty disingenuous DH’s.

Lol this made me laugh, not my style though!

OP posts:
Milkand2sugarsplease · 03/09/2024 22:49

For a shorter period of time I'd probably just chalk it up to drinking and a poor decision but for him to just sit there and let her for an hour is not on.
Crikey, he could have needed the loo/a drink/excuse himself to bed/oh look, there's Tom, I'll just go say hi - any number of things.

jen337 · 03/09/2024 22:50

YankeeDad · 03/09/2024 22:17

um .. if she just sat down on his lap without asking first, how exactly was he supposed to get her to then leave? Lift her up forcibly using his arms? Push her off onto the floor? Stand up forcibly, assuming her weight did not prevent that, and let her fall onto the floor?

Show quote history

“Excuse me I need to go to the toilet.”

ReadingWorm · 03/09/2024 22:52

I’d be pissed off too.

It’s harassment on her part. He wanted to move but she asserted her authority over him and stood her ground. Knowing that it would look like he was the problem if he asked her to move for a 2nd time.

We wouldn’t tolerate a man doing that to a woman.

Original poster
TealCrab · 03/09/2024 22:55

Thanks for comments. DH has already apologised and admits that he should have done more to end it earlier! Now I have read him the post and comments he has been fully chastised and we can laugh about it!

Although her card is truly marked, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me ✌️

OP posts:
blacksax · 03/09/2024 22:55

lololulu · 03/09/2024 22:33

He could have gone to the bar / toilet / gone to check on you.

An hour 😬

An hour. The weight of a small cat on your lap for that long is bad enough for the pins and needles, never mind a bride.

KlaraSundown · 03/09/2024 23:03

As you say, I would just put it down to a drunken male decision on his part and move on,,,

girljulian · 03/09/2024 23:06

TealCrab · 03/09/2024 21:51

He said after he offered to move didn't want to ask again or move himself as it would be awkward..

I think this is fair enough, especially as he immediately told you!