If a child discloses they feel unsafe when dad collects them from school, what should teachers do?

[Campari20]

Currently having major issues with DD going to overnight contact. She is scared and doesn't want to go. Clearly has articulated the reasons as to why to her father also but he refuses to listen to her.
Current contact is EOW Saturday to Sunday, one night. Handovers have been utterly awful.
I have submitted an application back to court to get the matter varied back to day contact, however still need to make her available for the current contact as awful as it is :( I am completely stuck.
I suggested a school pick up to DD instead as the problem is she becomes inconsolable at handovers when I am there.. it is also not a handover issue, it is a contact issue. Nevertheless, DD has told me that she will cry and scream and tell her teachers she doesn't feel safe going. Before I suggest this to her father, I was just wondering what the school would do if DD disclosed this upon pick up? would they make her go? keep her in the classroom and call me? The school are aware of the domestic history and do not think much of dad as he has called them ranting and raving about me etc. First day back of term today so not likely to get a call from school today so just wanted to know if anyone had experience of this.

I work in a school, but not a teacher. I'd disclose something like that to our Safeguarding Lead as I couldn't release a child to someone they really didn't want to go to. Whoever that is should take the time to listen to the child and decide if there is a safeguarding issue. If they consider a safeguarding issue, this is about the father not you!

Surely any court would be supportive of you pausing contact until this is fully investigated?

Wow, a male judge shouting at a woman who’s survived DA. Patriarchy alive and well.

OP, I have no advice or insights. But if it helps at all you sound v measured and sensible when this must be heartbreaking for you xx

This isn't how it works. The system is fucked.

I recently went through a similar situation.

The system is messed up. It's contact at all costs even where a child gives detailed allegations of abuse. No one even believes a 6 year old is credible. It is considered that the mother may have influenced them to lie

Doesn’t sound like police have done anything yet though other than listen to what allegation you have made and give you a crime number, which they are duty bound to do.

@Campari20 Do you have to take you child over to him? Could you not meet at a neutral, public location or have him come pick her up at your place? You could then pick her up at his when the contact time is over. Would that be feasible? That way you would not be forcing her and it would require him to be encouraging towards her, or she would simply not go with him.

I am a support worker. I used to care for a woman in her 20s who no longer functions enough to brush her own teeth or even speak to her own mother because she was abused by her father as a child. I have never seen anyone more traumatised. She only saw her father because the courts ordered it. If you KNOW your child is scared or in danger. Don’t send her there. Would you not rather protect her than be scared of looking like “the bad guy”?

If she is seen as "the bad guy," the court could order the father MORE contact. The system is broken.

This was not my experience. My son was believed. The reports from professionals were believed, the testimonials from others were believed and the outcome made upon those.

It seems to come down to the luck of the draw on which Judge you get. In that aspect the system is indeed fucked.

Thank you, although another thing that has really struck me throughout the last decade going through the court system is just how awful female judges are as well. I have to say I find it difficult when female friends talk about it in terms of male judges being worse, it simply isn’t true

It's not a handover issue as such though. It's a contact issue..

I completely agree.

I am just wondering what exactly the court ordered. He has contact rights from saturday afternoon till sunday afternoon. But how is that enforced? Does it mean you have to physically take her or does it mean you have to make it possible for him to pick her up and if he doesn't that you have still honored your sight of the court order?

The latter part. I have to "make her available".

Am I wrong in thinking any disclosure of abuse from a child while they are at school has to acted upon?
I'm confused. A child tells the school they don't feel safe but has to still be sent off with their father?

Y

For those reasons I don’t think it’s fair to make it a school pick up. Also think of the other children witnessing her screaming and crying, the poor teacher trying to hand over 25 other kids to their parents at the same time, while he rants at the (potentially young/female) member of staff intimidating them too. My ex was a right shit to his kids’ teachers, was almost proud that they looked scared of him when he started on them.

I know it’s hard for you to deal with but handing over the handover to someone else seems a bit unfair too. Unless maybe your parents or someone could act as intermediary at your home to try and prevent the issue of DD clinging to you. But it does seem awfully shit that she has to go at all 😢

Ignore my ‘pocket post’ above, lol

It really, really doesn't work like that

And what happens to your kids when you go to prison? Or just get dragged back to court for breaching the order? Your kids get placed with their abusive dad. Bravo, your imaginary brave act of resistance has had the effect of placing your kids with their abuser.

Unfortunately yes they would when it's 'her word against his' or the word of a child only or the guardian doesn't believe the child or or or

people don't understand just how screwed up the family court often is

It's private law. Social services have no jurisdiction and the OP has already applied for a hearing. Social workers cannot override a court order and they shouldn't be advising OP to breach the order either.

If that’s the wording of the order that’s all you have to do and if she refuses I wouldn’t force her

my friend had different wording about making their daughter go which was very unusual.

It's not sorted. All they are saying is that it's an option for the OP but it doesn't mean it's an option without consequence. It could have very serious consequences unfortunately.