If a child discloses they feel unsafe when dad collects them from school, what should teachers do?

[Campari20]

Currently having major issues with DD going to overnight contact. She is scared and doesn't want to go. Clearly has articulated the reasons as to why to her father also but he refuses to listen to her.
Current contact is EOW Saturday to Sunday, one night. Handovers have been utterly awful.
I have submitted an application back to court to get the matter varied back to day contact, however still need to make her available for the current contact as awful as it is :( I am completely stuck.
I suggested a school pick up to DD instead as the problem is she becomes inconsolable at handovers when I am there.. it is also not a handover issue, it is a contact issue. Nevertheless, DD has told me that she will cry and scream and tell her teachers she doesn't feel safe going. Before I suggest this to her father, I was just wondering what the school would do if DD disclosed this upon pick up? would they make her go? keep her in the classroom and call me? The school are aware of the domestic history and do not think much of dad as he has called them ranting and raving about me etc. First day back of term today so not likely to get a call from school today so just wanted to know if anyone had experience of this.

The issue we have with CAFCASS is that DD has a Guardian and she is firmly a supporter of the father. She doesn't act in DDs best interests in my view. I have raised concerns about her to her manager and recently raised a formal complaint about her. I don't go to her directly with any concerns, I have raised matters through my Solicitors but she has yet to date been ineffective.

Yes, we use a court ordered parenting app. I have all the relevant messages saved.

This is what I have applied for, I am waiting my Solicitor to send me a date of the hearing.

And then your child would be merrily handed to their abuser while you served your jail term. Not the outcome you’d be looking for in the long term

This is what has ALWAYS prevented me from breaching the order.

the OP has police records!! there is proof of abuse and wrong doing on the part of the dad.. the OP wouldn't be sent to prison?

Unlikely she would be sent to prison. But if she withholds contact the child will be removed from her custody and placed full time with the father. Regardless of police allegations. There is no arrest, no conviction. Currently it is hearsay. If you breech a court order you have a very real risk of having your child removed. OP has already said CAFACASS are siding with the father. One wrong move here and she will lose her child

OP a friend of mine was in a very similar situation. I don’t want to alarm you but the father alleged parental alienation by the mother and at one point she was at a real risk of losing residency of her kids to him.

its a hideous situation where abusive men use the system to control and abuse women and kids.

ultimately the evidence from the school was helpful. Like your DD, hers screamed and refused to go with her dad at pickup. They logged it all and reported to social services.

the Father was even caught on CCTV physically abusing the son but the judge continued to mandate contact with both the kids. After years and about £40k in legal fees the judge did back down on the daughter going but increased contact for the son. I’d get in touch with women’s aid and they will have experience of this.

do not assume logic and evidence will prevail. Do not assume the courts will act in the best interests of your kids, take their views into account or protect them. And the more you try to protect them the more likely you are to be accused of alienating them from their Dad which is somehow worse than actual documented abuse.

How would you going to prison help your child?

I would stop the contact OP. I would have to put my trust in the systems and services that they would see why I'd done this when all facts emerged, and if they didn't, I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.

I wonder if Rights of Women could advise OP, they will have seen this situation a million times I'm sure and may know the best way forward for you and DD www.rightsofwomen.org.uk/

If it not court ordered, stop the Friday handover. If this was at my school as the DSL, I would call SS and also call you, he has PR I assume so school legally cannot stop him unless the child discloses something that needs to be referred.
I have had parents in court proceedings come and collect their child 10mins earlier from the office to avoid the playground, maybe that's something you could suggest if he's insistent on collecting?

From googling it, it's possible to get a same day hearing.If not on the same day, surely you should be able to be heard within a day or two? I'd press your solicitor for this NOW before the next contact is due for your dd.
If the police are investigating, and the Court is aware of just how hysterical your daughter is getting before the contact, it would be a very poor decision indeed by the Court to do anything else but to suspend contact for the time being. Although it could be argued I suppose that the contact could be day time only and heavily supervised by a third party, or alternatively in a contact centre.
I'd be jumping up and down at my solicitor's office and making them aware of just how awful it is for your daughter.

Dad has PR ….there is a court order ( regardless of what day) …..staff would let dad take her

going to prison is a worse case scenario... if you breach a court order, then you go back to court.. its only when that court order comes with a power of arrest do you face more serious consequences. from the OP its not my understanding that they are at this point yet?

the court order says overnight saturday to sunday.. i personally would not send the child until the allegations have been cleared up, and even then it would be the very bare minimum.

the OP is talking about altering the current court arrangements to suit herself, i assume to hope that the child will kick off when dad picks up and then the school steps in.. which is unfair to the school and unfair to the child.

the op has asked If a child discloses they feel unsafe when dad collects them from school, what should teachers do?

my answer is not put the school in that position in the first place!

It may not feel like it when you're in such an invidious position OP but you're doing a great job. Keep going.

If you look on the Cafcass website there's a guidance document that sets out how Cafcass should approach the issue of children refusing/ rejecting a parent and it says very clearly that 'alienation' should only be explored as a cause once all other reasons for the rejection have been ruled out (including safeguarding reasons). Have a read of this, arm yourself with it's contents and make sure your solicitor is aware of it. Quite often Cafcass' own staff don't seem to be aware of it.

OP you’re being very vague about what has been disclosed and what the police/children’s services viewpoint is.
Kids do get manipulated in contact cases all the time. They say what mummy or daddy wants them to say and react in the way that they feel they should. I’m not saying this is what has happened here but this is why any investigation may not alter the court order until the conclusion.
Police can put bail conditions on someone to prevent contact regardless of the court order should the matter be serious enough but it doesn’t sound like this is the case here.

School is obviously a safe happy place for her. I wouldn’t change that.

I've said emotional and physical abuse. It's outing what it is so I'm not going to finer details. It's serious enough for the police to investigate it so your comment is a moot point.

Something isn't adding up. My neice made a disclosure about physical and emotional abuse about her dad. The police took a statement and social services made an assessment and said there was to be no contact until after investigation was concluded. My sister had a court order for EOW and a night in the week and that was put on hold after social workers and police started investigating.
Seeing the parent being accused can damage and complicate any social and police investigations of abuse so no police/social worker would put a court order ahead of safeguarding a child.
My sister was advised that if she did allow contact she could be seen as putting my niece in danger. That cane from both the police and social workers. The child's well-being is paramount.

A child has disclosed they are being abused in dad's care. You DO NOT send your child to be alone with an abuser even if it is court ordered. Explain situation to school but do not let your daughter go. No judge or court would find against you for protecting your child after she disclosed abuse.

Speak to social services, get a social worker, then if they state contact should not take place you have some backing for court.

I have been told by the police and SS that they cannot advise directly to breach a court order but that I can exercise my parental responsibility to protect and safeguard DD.

OP I'm so sorry to hear what your DD and you are going through. I wanted to say I'm not surprised at the behaviour of the guardian. They are supposed to unbiased but in truth who doesn't have inherent biases? There was a horrendous case reported on by the Bureau of Investigative Journalism recently where Cafcass were pro-unsupervised contact with a convicted rapist father who was abusive to the mother until media restrictions on reporting the case were lifted in the public interest. Suddenly they were opposed to all contact. Funny, that.

I believe at least one of the barristers who worked on that case is also involved with the Centre for Women's Justice. It might be worth contacting CWJ for advice? They do amazing work.

That's very different to what my sister was advised. Besides, if there is an ongoing investigation of abuse then exercise your right to safeguard your child. Stop contact, contact social workers and police for backing regarding the investigation and apply for an emergency court hearing.