Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

In my case…meeting at a party, chatting, flirting, drinking, dancing, heading off 😆

Life has changed. When I was young, only desperate old slappers slept with someone on a first date. No decent man would ever get into a long term relationship with girls like this,

Life and views have changed now. 🤷‍♀️

Jesus, how old are you???

I’m so glad to read this. I grew up in an environment but at home and culturally where to be a female and enjoy it seek sex was deemed dirty it shameful. It has stayed with me to this day.

I spent the night with someone after knowing them via a work project. When I didn’t hear from him I felt awful - there was no reason to feel that way though - I enjoyed the sex and didnt particularly like him from a dating perspective so I shouldn’t have felt bad but I did!

women shouldn’t be taught to feel shame for doing what they want with their bodies

How lovely. And what did you call the men who slept with someone on a first date?

Same here, except it's 20 years together, 14 of them married. I was a broke student, we didn't go on a proper "date" straightaway. But I really wanted to have sex with him. No regrets.

I honestly did not know how many women just genuinely dislike sex until MN.

Exactly. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship where their value as a partner stood and fell on how long they made the other person wait for sex? Brrrr

Not something I would do, as I know it would not suit my personality type.

But I would not judge someone as "cheap" for doing so. I think it is 2024 and people have freedom to express their sexuality and needs however they like as long as it is consenting adults,

I imagine this is referring to the fact people release oxytocin when they have sex, women more than men. Some women end up in shit relationships because they have sex before they know the other person and bond to them. It is something women should be aware of tbh. I had a few ons and had no issue with sleeping with men soon after I met them etc. I lived with dh practically from day 1 and slept with him very quickly so I’m not adverse to having sex on the first date at all.

@ChampagneLassie Bravo to all those where it has developed into a relationship sadly I think many men they loose interest if they get sex too easily, or indeed if a woman is just too keen/easy to get.

Unfortunately I can't speak from experience as I have almost no experience in the realm of dating and realationships, but what makes you think a man would lose interest if a woman was too easy to get? I don't believe that would cause me to lose interest in a woman.

In fact, the opposite is true- in the past I have very quickly lost interest in women once they expressed they were not interested.

I think there is something to them enjoying the thrill of the chase and feeling that they’ve got someone special who isn’t just easily available to anyone.

Sorry, what's the "thrill of the chase"? Why would I like a woman more because she was difficult to win over?

Would chasing someone not just make me feel frustrated and that they weren't interested? And again, once it's clear to me that a woman isn't interested, I very quickly lose interest.

Am I missing something here? This is all a bit strange.

Which of your male friends told you that the "thrill of the chase" is a good thing? Who told you this?

Some of the comments have the vibe of those red pill blue pill youtube videos, where a women's worth plummets as her body count rises. It really is icky.

So women didn't have random sex and one night stands in previous generations. Again this is an absolute myth. It was the reason for so many unplanned pregnancies, prolific stds and abortions.

If first date sex is something that's feels natural for you that's OK & nobody else's business. If you are more reserved in that way it doesn't mean you don't enjoy or love sex with the right person. It just means you need a deeper connection and that's OK too. There is nothing outdated about that.

There is NOTHING casual about sex: If you fancy playing Russian roulette: so be it! This applies to everyone! euuugh

Honestly, I’ve read enough of the ongoing Dating threads on this board, with women anguishing endlessly over (timewasting) men they’ve no more than chatted to online for a few weeks or been on a single chaste date with to conclude that women over-investing in men they barely know and pursuing shit situations to their own detriment appears to have very little to do with oxytocin and sex, and everything to do with their own lack of self esteem, poor confidence, and loneliness.

Have you never been to a nightclub? Or a University social event?

On a tangent- do you not think there are signs there before sex that can help you spot selfish lover?

Not always, no - because enough women put up with crap sex, don’t prioritise their own enjoyment enough, and find communicating about sex difficult that enough men never actually get to realise they’re shit in bed, because nobody has ever told them.

Well, if a date means any encounter at which you say more than hello to each other before removing underwear then DH and I had at least three. Am I rehabilitated?

Er... you realise there are other ways to meet someone than online dating, don't you?

I ended up with my DP when we went on a night out with a group of people from work. I'd known him and got on well with him as a colleague/friend for a couple of months before that. The night out descended into general carnage, we were among the last ones standing, we ended up having a snog and then I suggested he stayed over at my house. That was 21 years ago and we're still together.

I ended up with a previous partner when he was one of a group of friends I'd know during a stay in another city, then a year or so later I returned to meet up with them and I, and another friend, stayed at his house. The other friend went to bed first. Ex-P and I then basically just pounced on each other at the first opportunity. We were together for about two years after that.

Another boyfriend was a customer at a pub I was working in at over the summer while I was a student. He used to come in every week for a couple of drinks with his mate. They were both lovely and would sit at the bar and chat with me sometimes when it was quiet. On my last shift before I went back to university he bought me about three drinks during the course of the evening, and his friend went home before closing and left him sitting at the bar alone, which was very unusual. There was a bit of flirting, I finished my shift, he gave me a hug outside the pub, I kissed him and then went back to his flat with him where I ended up staying the night. We were together for about a year - we probably would have been together a lot longer but he was offered a dream job overseas and I didn't want to emigrate (and neither did I want to stop him from taking an incredible job). We split up on very good terms and, at times when we were both single, used to exchange filthy emails across the Atlantic.

Chemistry happened.

What a horrible way to phrase it, I think it says more about you than it ever would about me. The term ‘knickers down’ is really crass.

We met and spent time together as friends in a group and then got together.

I wouldnt say so. Id say it was more that they met at a party, got drunk and went home together rather than a formal date.

I absolutely prioritise my own enjoyment but I wouldn’t give feedback to a ONS that the sex was shit. I would just never see him again.

Some men are laughably bad. Literally. A friend once laughed out loud during a ONS. I haven’t had quite as bad an experience as that, but it’s been close.

Yep, I'd known him as a friend for a while before our first date, so it already felt like we'd done the 'getting to know you' bit.

Still together 25 years on....