Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

I have no interest in dating a man who sees me as some sort of sexual prize to conquer and which exists just to satisfy him, and him alone. So I'm not interested in anyone who even has the concept of a woman as "easy". I want to date men who see me as a complete, full person, regardless of when I choose to have sex with them. If they are the type of person to lose interest on the basis of when sex is timed, they are not the person for me.

I'm confused. I get using online dating, going on a date, then having sex after a number of dates, but how on earth can sex happen before the first date? Surely you need to meet the person first before anything like that can happen.

No one willing to sleep with you on a first date?

Have you read any of the posts at all on this thread?! Literally about 150 posters all saying that they are now married / in a LTR with a ONS / someone they slept with on a first date? So I think it's fair to say that a lot of men DON'T lose interest 😂

I think there is something to them enjoying the thrill of the chase and feeling that they’ve got someone special who isn’t just easily available to anyone.

Jesus what a sad and old fashioned view. I would rather have stayed single forever than be with a man who judges me like this or thinks I'm "special" because I'm withholding sex. How tragic.

Thankfully my DP was massively turned on and pleased that I loved sex as much as him because it's important to both of us. As are similar work ethics, family values, sense of humour etc.

Well, congratulations to you. 😂

Christ. The only first dates I've been on that didn't end in sex were non-starters.

If the spark's there, I'm not denying myself a fun time due to misogynist cobblers about my vagina being some kind of prize.

You meet in a pub or you're friends or colleagues who go home together after an event. If you both have a good time you might arrange a date...

We have to move past this idea that ultimately every woman wants to settle down and get married.

We don't and it's an out of date concept.

Early sex weeds out sexual incompatibility.

😂😂 Well said Mrs L!

Good God, no. You've got to sleep with them before the first date.

At least, that's what my DH and I did. Fifteen years ago.

DH and I married for 13 years, together for 15, sex on the first date.

DDs bio dad, sex on first date, together for 6 years.

My other long term relationship, sex on first date, together for 9 years.

Sexual compatibility is important to me. I'm not going to waste my time dating someone if I don't know the sex will be good.

All three men would tell you I'm anything but cheap - quite the reverse in fact!

Not sure why you view having sex as cheap
and desperate, seems like a very outdated attitude.

Definitely not for me. I married my one and only. We met in first year at Uni and from that moment on we grew stronger & stronger then eventually had our first 'experience' A situation led us to being apart for a year but we kept in touch.We promised each other being so young that if we met someone else we would end it. We both had plenty of interest but it never went anywhere. One night stands are OK if you just want sex and nothing wrong with that if it's consensual. No judgement here as each to their own.

To me though there is no comparison to the great sex that can evolve from a deep understanding & love for each other. Neither of us have had any regrets about not playing around or having one night stands.As for sex on a first date, I basically couldn't do it no matter how physically attractive. I would have to really know the person well. We are all different and if first date sex turns into a long term relationship or marriage that's wonderful but I'm sure that's within a minority.

Exactly!

@DoloresHargreeves You meet in a pub or you're friends or colleagues who go home together after an event. If you both have a good time you might arrange a date...

There was another thread on mumsnet about how male friends expressing a sexual interest is a massive no-no.

How on earth do you express sexual interest in a colleague without stepping over multiple red lines?

I don't understand at all.

Meeting someone in a pub, exchanging a few flirty comments and nipping off for a shag. No dating necessary.

I think many men they loose interest if they get sex too easily, or indeed if a woman is just too keen/easy to get

I find it so weird that there are still women who think of sex as a thing that the woman 'gives' and the man 'gets', as if only the man actually enjoys it.

What's the magic number, then? How many stilted dinners do you have to have with someone before ushering them into the inner sanctum?

Not sex, but I've given a BJ

😂

@Clearwater18
To me though there is no comparison to the great sex that can evolve from a deep understanding & love for each other.

You know you can still have that with someone you shagged on (or before) the first date too, though? Cf: this thread.

Hahahaha!!! Bless you!

Yeah this. It's really tragic and outdated.

I'm another in a nearly 20 year relationship after sex on the first date (well, we both agreed to be in the same club on the same night after meeting, so I'm never sure whether it counts as a date or not!).

A friend of mine made a huge deal about waiting 6 months to sleep with her boyfriend and how it showed their commitment and love for each other. The eventual sex was a disaster, it hasn't got better and he puts zero effort in. She felt like she had to marry him anyway given the length of time.

And any man who'd consider a woman a slag for sleeping with him is not someone I'd have the slightest interest in being around!

I find the term ‘cheap’ awful! Like women are something which a monetary value can be put on.

I personally met my husband at 21 and I don’t think we had a date before sex. Anyway, 15 years later still together, and still the only person I’ve been with.