Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

Yep, I've done that twice and both resulted in a proposal 🙈 personally I wish I had waited a bit and built up some anticipation! But I did know both people before we had our official date, not sure if that makes it any better

I’m sorry that English is not my first language as I don’t know if I am clear in some of my points

The thread is a wind-up. It's dim-witted extremely online boys trawling for gotchas. Beats egging each other on to shoot up Taylor Swift concerts, I suppose.

What does this comment say

I didn't say they weren't. If that's what you feel that's what you should do! But the op was suggesting she was worried about how it was thought of.. I don't think that's doing what you feel. I think that's trying to get people to think of you a certain way, or trying to achieve something
I personally don't think that's a good route to go down.
Like I said, sleep with someone when you truly want to, it doesn't matter what date that's on. Might be the first, might not be till a year in. As long as you know you did it because you actually wanted to.

What is better is whoever you end up with you are both happy with deep intimacy, and able to discuss things without feeling you have to hide anything, or both happy not to share those things without it affecting your intimacy and future. The past is gone for all of us, and we all have to be happy with the choices we have made. None of us will be happy with all the choices we have made, but we have to be able to sit with them

Yes, we got married and my last relationship before that began with sex a few hours after meeting for the first time.

Your worth as a human being is set in stone. It is a fact of life and doesn't fluctuate with what you're doing sexually.

If your friend is referring to women as 'cheap', you don't need to be friends with them anymore. They are out of touch and uncivilised.

It says they’re outraged somebody has asked a question they dislike so will now blame it on incels and hope that closes the debate down. Or something

I feel like the OP was just having a debate with a friend and wanted honest straightforward views from both sides

This isn’t about just having a different view of sex and relationships, though. I don’t find it sad that some people aren’t comfortable having sex on a first date. I do find it sad that they make unpleasant, derogatory moral judgements about people who don’t feel the same way. I have no problem with someone who only wants sex with someone they’ve known for a certain amount of time, or who wants to wait until they’re married, or whatever other boundaries they want to set. I do have a problem with them throwing around misogynistic, sneering, ignorant terms like ‘cheap’, ‘skank’ ‘desperate’ and ‘slutty’ about women who enjoy sex in a different way to them.

Haha that explain it, that is funny. I enjoy a real honest discussion on these pages

Yes and still together 6 years later.

So let them judge. That’s their opinion and they’re entitled to it. I’m certain you have opinions about what other people do even if it doesn’t strictly affect you. No point getting worked up over it.

I think I would feel pretty craopy about myself if I slept with someone and they then ghosted me. I know someone who this happens to alot (she now thinks she must be bad in bed) I think this would start to effect your self esteem so I guess that would be a factor to consider OP

With my messages I was thinking of potential partners and I was with a slutty man for 5 years who hid who he was to be with me, and a lot of who I fell for was just fake, because he was a porn obsessed women obsessed fils de pute bastard who I wasted 5 years with all his drama that wouldn’t have happened if he had been honest, because I never would have bothered with him

I agree, I think many people underestimate the effect of being used in this way has on their mind, even if it is deep down and they believe they are too tough to care. Because let’s look at it properly- if it is “just sex”, you are using each other, there is no love there, there is no care, they could be in bed with someone else the next day. Sex has affects on people that some people cannot understand or fail to accept. Sex is meant to be something very vulnerable and intimate, and if you take that away; you just harden yourself, and that is NOT to your long term advantage

For me, I want to share my life with someone and all who I am, and let them know that the thing I share with them, is not given lightly, that it means a great deal, and actions always speak louder than words. So I don’t want to throw around negative words, but it is how I would feel if a potential partner had a looser attitude. I would not dislike them as a person, I just wouldn’t want to invest emotionally or sexually because I wouldn’t believe it means as much k them, and their words would not change that

But that is exactly what some people want sometimes. Just sex, a scratch to be itched, an urge to carry out. That's it.

If both people are aware of that, I don't see the issue at all.

Sex isn't 'meant' to be anything because it is different for different people and with different people.

I slept with my ex of 8 years on our first date.

I hadn't had sex it a while and he was gorgeous, but I didn't think I liked him, he actually talked far too much, that I decided I was happy with just a ONS for the hell of it, never had one before that.

It was great. He asked me on a second date and I just assumed he wanted a repeat performance. I was shocked when I saw all the effort he went to and he was far less nervous so it stopped talking endlessly and I realise it could be far more than just sex.

Certainly not cheap or desperate. If anything I was using him!

if An itch then masturbate, use a toy not someone as a toy

Who appointed you Head of Sex Lives?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sex between two single, consenting adults.

If it's not for you, no one is forcing you to participate, but let others decide for themselves.

Or I can have sex because I want to and so does the other person.

I think I made my position clear, people do as they choose, I just wouldn’t date someone that thought about it differently to me, it’s better to be with someone that thinks the same

We are all able to have our opinions on people and decide who is or is not “enlightened” and date accordingly

Consenting adults having sex simply because they want to and find each other sexually attractive seems to be a foreign concept to you.