Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

You may believe so, but potential partners may disagree

@KreedKafer We all know that SOME men can accidentally conflate the two

Not all of us know that apparently, because others on the thread have argued that men never conflate friendship and romance, and when men say they didn't realise women were just being friendly, they are apparently liars who just wanted to push boundaries. This is not true at all.

you, apparently, are one of them, if you can’t tell the difference and think it’s something that can be spelled out.

Well it should be, because not one person so far has given an example of one thing that's a sign of romantic interest that can't also be a sign of friendship.

But most men absolutely do know the difference, and live their lives accordingly without having any difficulty in navigating these human interactions.

Given the sheer volume of complaints from women who have received unwanted attention and unwanted advances, then it would be self-evident that many men actually don't know the difference and are completely socially inept.

I don’t know if you’ve ever been assessed for any neurodivergent conditions, but if you really do find it as hard to read other people in the way that you seem to be suggesting

I am not neurodivergent, thanks. I have no issue with identifying when people are excited about something, when they are sad, when they may be troubled, when they are bored and want to move onto a different discussion topic, etc. etc. But it is indeed fair to say that friendship with women and romantic interest are indeed indistinguishable. Certainly I would never know the difference- only if it was actually verbalised.

Yeah, the number of blokes I have shagged has nothing to do with who I truly am as a person. It’s just a number. My husband is aware of my past long term relationships. The rest was literally just filler 😂

For all the pp's that are posting how they had a ONS and have been with here partners for "100 years " since! Please tell us how many men you shagged before you met prince charming?

Filler like the layers of a cake being the relationships, and the cream in the middle being the ahem, filler?

Yeah it’s not a one night stand anyway if it turned into a relationship is it? I’m not getting that at all. Was it meant to be a one night stand but turned into a scene from misery or
something?

Who I'd have no interest in anyway so it's all good.

Well exactly, hence honest conversation about our preferences, and as women, dating like for like, because these things are truly important. Our view of sex and what it means should I believe be a shared thing for a good partnership

Many. Fun times.

And can they tell me what mattress they have, as it may be worth investing in. Why isn’t that a mattress advert

I can agree with that. I've never had a ONS expecting a relationship out of it and I've always made it clear that I wasn't looking for anything serious, just sex.

It doesn't matter, though. How would they know? Do actual adults really discuss this? This thread is wild.

These things come up in relationships, and it’s fine if you say this topic of off the table, but not fine to lie and make up a false narrative, because that is taking away consent from a partner that may not have chosen to be with you. Honesty is very important, and being on the same page with these things

28 years and still going. It was really good sex as well.

Calling women cheap for having sex is disgusting misogyny. Sex is normal and natural.

Hey, women aren’t being singled out here, as we’ve seen from this thread, people have different attitudes to sex and also what is important to them in a partner, the original question must be reread- the op was looking for upfront answers

I haven’t and wouldn’t. I feel a bit suspicious that all the ‘great, feministic’ things we do now benefit men, while the feministic things we haven’t achieved yet don’t.

I think that’s sad to read. You are equating someone’s choices physically with who they are morally. Is it from a religious viewpoint?

I wouldn't lie. Because that would imply shame, and I'm not ashamed. But if someone asked me 'my number' they would be told it isn't their business, and I'd move on from them. No one should assume that what I did sexually before them is any of their business.

I guess it depends how you see sex doesn’t it? If you see it as a purely physical, unemotional thing, then I can see why you would sleep with somebody you’d known 5 minutes and not see it as cheap in any way. If you attach emotional value and see it as a special experience, I could see why you would consider ONS to be cheap.

A bit like how some people are happy to marry somebody they met 2 weeks earlier in Las Vegas, others will date for years and want to ‘take it seriously’.

It’s subjective so there’s no point being ‘sad’ about how somebody else sees it.

Exactly.

DH has never asked because it just isn't relevant.

People have probably already said this but if you want to sleep with someone on the first date then just do it. Don't play games or think about what it might mean. If a guy doesn't call you back because he's lost respect for you because you had sex on the first date, then the trash has taken itself out. Why on earth would you want to be with a man who thought about women that way anyway? He's done you a favour disappearing before you got emotionally attached.
I don't think of sex as some kind of bribe or reward. If I want to have sex with someone and they want to have sex with me then that's great and it's completely irrelevant at what point that happens as long as we are both on the same page.
Of course it's absolutely fine to not have sex on the first date because you don't feel like it. Sometimes it takes longer to get to that point
I'd always play it by ear. But essentially I do what I feel. I don't have sex or not have sex to achieve anything within the relationship. At least I know I'm being true to myself.
I'm married now.. have been for 11 years and I'm not sure how to classify what date we had sex for the first time on as we were friends.. then we ended up sleeping together... then from that point on were in a relationship.

I believe it is an issue of whether they are happy to use someone’s body, while lacking the depth to understand that things are rarely black and white when it comes to emotions also. That they would be comfortable getting that intimate with someone that they really couldn’t care less about to consider as a serious option, and happy to share themselves around many times with many people, without any deep thought. I have only had sex with people I wanted to be with forever, so I don’t think my brain works that way, and I wouldn’t want to commit to someone who’s brain does work that way, because I don’t think I’d feel the necessary commitment and respect for them, therefore we would both be wasted in a relationship with each other where we think so differently.

I agree, honest to the point opinions are invaluable on a forum like this, without anyone being offended, because the beauty of the forum is hearing things you are unlikely to hear from someone face to face, but expresses the way different people things about these topics. Some people myself included simply would consensually date someone who has used sex for playtime only. Some people here would never date someone who has what they would consider my rigid view. The takeaway should really be that we understand what a potential partner thinks of these things so we avoid various fallouts.

People who only want sex with someone they love, and wouldn’t want to be with someone who has treated it casually, are not using it as a bribe or a reward; and are also doing what they feel, and feeling what they feel. The human race is varied