Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

What do people actually mean when they say it's 'cheap'?

You seem to think you can’t do anything but make love to someone you are in love with? I think you’re the one that’s missed out…..

I wouldn’t be able to get into anything with someone I feel nothing for, it would leave me cold. But you can have very naughty sex with someone you love, especially when you are wildly attracted to them and they are very kinky. Why do you assume loving someone means boring missionary style love making?

Cheap 😂 I can’t believe we still describe women in this way in 2024 😂

If I decide for myself that someone into casual sex lacks the kind of depth I would be looking for, that’s how I feel, and what I would avoid, and perfectly acceptable to hold that opinion on what I would commit to…..plenty of other men and women feel the same, and personally I don’t believe it ever truly works between someone who sees sex as sacred; and someone who sees it just as playtime….its two different kinds of people

@Snarpy it isn't, because you don't seem to understand that other people can read signs competently and go on to have great relationships,

But again, many men get it wrong.

And no one on this thread has been able to give an example of what a "sign" is. Seems to just be some kind of vague thing. But if it's a vague thing, then why is it unbelievable that someone might get it wrong?

and that many men in your types of scenarios aren't getting it wrong, they are pushing boundaries deliberately.

Your argument is built on men being liars, basically.

Easy to get, a bit shallow and lives by base emotions rather than something deeper, slutty, anyones, not worth dating.

Yes, that's all fine, no-one's disputing that.

But don't try to come on all reasonable now, after you earlier called women cheap.

Your mask already slipped.

I was trying to use your terminology to understand your comment. Of course you can have very naughty sex with someone you are wildly attracted to - it’s just I can do it without being emotionally invested, you can’t or won’t.

Still not me missing out.

Sex is a basic human want, or need. Only draconian, male chauvinistic pigs deem it cheap and slutty. I think you need to ask yourself why you would feel cheap in doing so, what exactly makes it cheap, and why that is? And is it realistic and healthy to think that way?

My husband and I kissed within 10 minutes of first meeting one another.. outside of a taxi rank. Still together 20 years later.

Exactly!

Yes. We’ve been married 10 years.

I’m explaining my perspective, and haven’t remotely backtracked. I think both men and women, who would shag someone they didn’t even know the day before, and treat sex casually, are cheap, and I wouldn’t commit to someone like that. And?

That’s so vile. You feel ok typing out those words do you?

Strangely I am none of those things and still manage to have - if I want to - sex without strings, but equally have been in long and committed relationships.

Are you really so black and white about life that you don’t think the two things can’t coexist? That people who enjoy a physical knee tremble with someone they are not emotionally invested in cannot EVER be emotionally invested in anyone? That’s just crazy talk.

People have issue with others perspectives. I couldn’t take a guy seriously who had shagged loads of women without any feelings, and women he’d just met. Not only would I not trust him, but I just wouldn’t be invested, I couldn’t catch feelings for someone that dense, but there would be lots of women who are on the same page as him, so no loss right. I think like should be with like, I don’t think it works when two people with vastly different views get together. It makes no difference either to how naughty or kinky someone is. The best sex I ever had was with a guy who totally was into only committed sex, the worst and most unimaginative was with a porn obsessed male slut. It slowly all came out, and made me realise why he was so crap in bed

You don’t have to be invested but you don’t have to judge others or call others dense. No one is judging what you choose to do, only your judgement of others.

Plus I’ve just noticed your username - Paris is the original home of cinq a sept! Fairly ironic don’t you think?!

Certainly by my mid 20s, I understood that attempting to have a romantic relationship with a co-worker is a very bad idea, so I'm surprised that there are other men who try this.

There are quite a few of them out there. Large organisations can be pretty much marriage bureaux. Well, perhaps not marriage, but people still meet oartners in the workplace, which is why workplace codes of conduct often have clauses about what relationships are allowed and what isn't okay.

Have had a number of ONS that became relationships. And a number that didn't. But what I can't be doing with is the logistics implied here. Sounds like you'd have to run round with a clipboard beforehand.

And you're a dickhead for being so judgemental. I don't like roast potatoes, but I don't go around scorning people who do, because I'm not a maniac.

Body language and flirting to start. Especially if you get to know someone well enough and like pp said, you aren't simply just pushing boundaries.

It really isn't difficult.

If a man is hung up on ‘purity’ or thinks sex affects a woman’s ’cleanliness’, he would be someone I’d cross the street to avoid, so no, I’ve never worried about ‘my number’.

Also, just because someone sleeps with a man on a first date, that doesn’t mean they sleep with EVERY man on their first date, or that they have lots of first dates. When I’ve been single, and I’ve really fancied someone I’ve met, I’ve slept with them - but I’m actually very fussy about who I fancy. I have friends who always wait before having sex who have definitely slept with a lot more men than I have.

Eh?

Not ironic, seeing as I am from Paris and it has a lot more going for it than that 🙄

Being honest about how we view relationships and other people is perfectly acceptable, nobody should be offended by someone stating they wouldn’t be interested in dating someone who treats sex casually, and that they would consider that person to lack the depth they would be looking for. I imagine rather than be offended, they would prefer to be with someone who also thinks of sex in a casual way, so what would my opinion matter to them anyway? This is a forum for honesty and insight into others views.

@SouthLondonMum22 Body language

Can be a sign of friendship.

and flirting to start.

This happens with friendship too.

Especially if you get to know someone well enough

This could be friendship also.

So now we have established that friendship and "signs" are indistinguishable.

... but you can't conceive that men would ever accidentally conflate the two?

I know what you meant (and agree) but read it again - it sounds like you are talking about a fair few people at the same time. Which just sounds quite tiring.

There's a difference. Again, especially if you get to know someone well and know their personality.

If they are so indistinguishable, why can women manage but not men? Of course they can. Like I said, it is just an excuse to push boundaries with some men.