Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

I would have zero interest in any man who had notions of "cleanliness" and "purity", because that would identify them as a grade A tosser who is not worthy of me.

I don't even know my husband's number, and he doesn't know mine, because it's completely irrelevant.

I think plenty of men use that as an excuse for their behaviour. The majority of men aren’t stupid and know full well if it isn’t mutual.

I've never had sex with a stranger, never done online dating. All my relationships, whether one night stands or long term, have been with people I knew socially, in real life.

@SouthLondonMum22 I think plenty of men use that as an excuse for their behaviour.

No they don't.

The majority of men aren’t stupid and know full well if it isn’t mutual.

The majority of men are not stupid, but a very large minority of men are socially inept.

Lol Um no one has ever asked for my number?

That's so tacky. Ewwww

@Clearwater18 ONS have happened for years and years, it doesn't mean that all women have sex on a first dates. I have had lots of first dates I haven't slept with them or even seen them again and some of them, made my excuses and left.

They absolutely do.

That’s just another excuse.

@SouthLondonMum22 They absolutely do. That’s just another excuse.

OK, two scenarios:

a) A woman I have been working with for a few months is very friendly and sometimes tickles me or pinches my leg when talking to me.

b) I spend a lot of time talking to a woman that I have had to work closely with. I have her personal contact number, and we spend time talking about things outside of work.

Are these scenarios friendship, or romantic interest? What distinguishes one from the other?

Was just coming on to say this. Plainly there is still a substantial minority of people who genuinely believe that if you have ever slept with one person on the first date, you would sleep with literally anyone you met the first time you met them.

I'm really, really glad that I am not the sort of person who falls prey to that kind of assumption, and I'm really, really glad that I'm not married to one.

Yeah, I do think it’s cheap, but some people don’t place emotional importance on sex, and can bond very quickly and easily on a shallow basis with lots of people, immediately. I couldn’t get naked with someone I don’t know and love and yet I absolutely love sex, just got to be with someone I’m all in with. Obviously many will think it’s not cheap which is their opinion, there are all sorts of people in the world. I wouldn’t be interested in dating someone that had a casual attitude to sex, they just wouldn’t strike me as someone who had the kind of depth I’d be looking for.

I married mine, but I realised too late he is a narcissistic man child and I'm now divorcing him.

Has it occurred to you that women might actually enjoy sex? Maybe sometimes it's actually all they want from a particular man in a particular situation?

This kind of bossiness about other women's sex lives is really very puritanical.

@shuggles there is no correct answer anyone can give you here, because just as in literally any other social scenario, the answer is 'it depends'. If you can't read signals, you are going to have a harder time of it, though.

The kind of man to whom "cleanliness" and "purity" matters is someone I'd hold in pure contempt, so I wouldn't be caring what they thought at all.

I've never given a second thought to my "number". Or to anyone else's.

@Snarpy there is no correct answer anyone can give you here, because just as in literally any other social scenario, the answer is 'it depends'.

That's literally my point.

We met at a party and spent the night together.

Now 32 years married.

BUT I would not recommend this as a policy for a variety of reasons.

See, i'd feel awful if I'd waited any significant amount of time to have sex with someone and then it was terrible, because then we'd have an emotional connection. I read an article recently about fundie Christians who wait to have sex until marriage and then have terrible trouble because they've been taught about sex being dirty and can't just switch that off once they're married.

Horses for courses!

I must be a complete slut, shagged my first DH on our first date, 2nd and current DH was before our first date.

ive enjoyed many one night stands and flings. Just because I wasn’t interested in a relationship dosnt mean I didn’t enjoy having sex with men.

I wonder if this would be an issue if a woman shagged another woman in the first date?

I must be a complete slut, shagged my first DH on our first date, 2nd and current DH was before our first date.

ive enjoyed many one night stands and flings. Just because I wasn’t interested in a relationship dosnt mean I didn’t enjoy having sex with men.

I wonder if this would be an issue if a woman shagged another woman in the first date?

@shuggles it isn't, because you don't seem to understand that other people can read signs competently and go on to have great relationships, and that many men in your types of scenarios aren't getting it wrong, they are pushing boundaries deliberately.

I don't see it as puritanical or bossiness towards other women and their sexual preferences or choices. I see it as women who wouldn't enjoy one night stands,first date sex or random sex after clubbing etc merely expressing their own thoughts & feelings about themselves. They are entitled to express the opposite view without being judged. They are no better or worse than anyone else regarding sexual encounters.They simply prefer sex within meaningful relationships and what's wrong with that.

DH, 25 years ago 😁

I wouldn’t do it if OLDing however, for fear of shagging an axe murderer.

So for you there is just one type of sex then? I guess the type that people call making love? It’s great, I agree, I’ve had it, it’s the best. An emotional, physical and spiritual connection is insanely good.

But there are MANY types of sex, for example:

• a quick knee trembler
• a voyage into the exotic
• a boundary pusher
• a one night only

And many more… you can think sex without love is cheap - which is what you have literally outlined - but honestly you have missed out on plenty of different types of making your world rock. You may think you haven’t and that deeply devoted love-based intimacy is the dogs bollocks, and maybe it is, but don’t piss on the chips of other people who enjoy exploring physicality without emotional bonds and please don’t be so arrogant as to assume those people are lacking depth. They appear to have more depth than you as they are open-minded…

That's not what the people on this thread expressing the opposite view have been doing though—they've been judging, and calling women cheap and impure.

The bossiness remark was in response to someone literally telling women they shouldn't have sex, not saying "no judgement, but it's not for me".

Edited to add: it's pretty clear that most of the "women are unclean" posts in the thread are by men anyway.

I'm another who shagged my husband before our first date. We met on a night out, were both absolutely wasted and had sex about 90 minutes after we met. That was 22 years ago.