Sleeping with someone on the first date

[LegalAlienated]

Has this ever developed into a relationship?
I’ve never done this myself, and I consider it ‘cheap’ or desperate to try to get a man. Am I right or is it a thing?
(Debate ongoing between my friend and I.)

@MrTwatchester Very odd that you're equating workplace relationships with harassment.

How do you think a workplace relationship begins in the first place?

At some point, person A must express a romantic interest in person B. Otherwise, the relationship cannot happen.

We have already established that men are notorious at misreading women, and indeed there are men who seem to think that any instance of a woman being friendly is a woman expressing romantic interest.

On that basis then, you would accept that there would be numerous cases of person A inadvertently harassing person B if they get the wrong idea.

So again, I ask the question- if workplace relationships are as normal and mainstream as you think they are, then why is there so much fierce and vocal opposition to men approaching women in the workplace?

What generation are you even in? I'm a millennial, I know loads of people who've found their partners at work. It's very common and perfectly normal.

That would be extremely strange and your experience would have to be an outlier. I've had about 4 or 5 different jobs at this point in my life. Can't remember instances of workplace relationships. I know of people who were in a relationship before they both took a job at the same workplace, but that's it.

@KreedKafer I’ve seen loads of relationships start inside the workplace. Why are you so incapable of understanding that your experiences aren’t evidence of a norm?

You haven't answered my question though. If it was as common as you say it is, it would be accepted as normal by the media. Why is that not the case?

Because there's a huge difference between 'approaching a woman in the workplace' randomly, and two people becoming matey, it becoming flirty, and then going further. If you can't understand the difference, then it's true, you shouldn't do it.

I used to work in the public sector, and even there you were only required to notify the organisation if there were line management issues.

I’m a millennial. It isn’t extremely uncommon at all.

Thank you! God the people on here acting like you have no other choice; no you get to know them and then realise they are after one thing so don’t sleep with them, can’t believe people think the way of weeding out men that only want sex is to have sex with them 😂

Yep, 30 years, 25 married, 3 kids and a grandchild later he probably still thinks I'm "cheap". 😉

Why would two consenting adults who are both enjoying themselves be cheap? It's only the woman that's branded cheap too. Horrible judgement.

Sometimes women only want sex too.

@Snarpy Because there's a huge difference between 'approaching a woman in the workplace' randomly, and two people becoming matey, it becoming flirty, and then going further.

Yet clearly, men get it wrong all the time, right?

So how do you accept having workplace relationships while at the same time being opposed to workplace harassment?

Those men don’t get it wrong. Those men know it isn’t mutual and don’t care.

It’s a completely different thing. I don’t understand how you don’t understand that.

not cheap to be honest, just blurs things if you want an actual relationship in my opinion?

If its just a bit of fun - yes first dates who hasnt?

But who wants a meaningful relationship with the men that do that anyway?

There's a lot to be said for weeding out crap shags relatively early imo.

@SouthLondonMum22 Those men don’t get it wrong. Those men know it isn’t mutual and don’t care.

That is absolutely wrong.

It’s a completely different thing. I don’t understand how you don’t understand that.

It's not a completely different thing. As one poster said, "two people becoming matey, it becoming flirty, and then going further." But it can either go further, or it's a case of a man misreading good friendship as romantic interest and it turning into yet another case of unwanted advances.

So how do you reconcile workplace relationships with harassment or unwanted advances?

I could never do this!
I would never be on my own with a man on a first date.
I wouldn't go to a hotel, invite him back to mine or go to his. Hell I wouldn't even go for a walk in a secluded place or get in his car.

Admittedly old-fashioned question. Are the people who have slept with someone on the first date, for whatever reasons, worried about their 'number'?

Just relating this to a friend of ours who will sleep with men on a first date without hesitation to see sexual compatability for the future. Compatability obviously matters, but similarly, so does 'cleanliness' and some 'purity' to many partners.

I think, speaking as a woman, it can be a useful tactic to tell if a man only wants sex! Providing that you would feel ok if he did disappear after which is down to the individual. I didn’t really do it much when I was online dating, just because of the danger aspect but I think if a man likes you and wants a relationship and isn’t a misogynistic prick (all aspects I was personally looking for!) then he’d stick around after WE had sex on the first date.

I certainly met a couple of men looking for sex with a “nice” woman who didn’t have sex straight away and was looking for a serious relationship (ie me at the time). It was like they got off on duping you into it with nice dates - weird. When we did have sex they were seriously flakey (yet up for a repeat of the sex 🙄) afterwards. I sometimes think it would have benefited me to go for it on the first date and save time!

I’ve never worried about my “number”. A decent man would never ask and I wouldn’t ask it of any man I dated either 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yes. Still together 8 years layer

It isn’t absolutely wrong at all. A man knows full well when it is mutual, especially if we’re talking over a period of time where he gets to know the woman.

It’s different.

Especially if it's a stranger you've only got to know online 😳

Not at all.

But then I also wouldn’t go anywhere near a man that talked about purity etc when talking about sex. We’d clearly have nothing in common.

Exactly I’m surprised so many women are comfortable being alone naked and vulnerable with a stranger that could easily over power them

Slept with my Dp (18year old me )on the first date and have been with him just over 20years .
I had quite a few Boyfriends before my DP that I slept with and I've never felt cheap because of it .I found it fun at the time , and look back with fondness

Or I could have sex with whoever I please since the only owner of my vagina is me!

You see, I love having sex, I am old enough to know that you can have sex, not get attached and have a jolly good time and wave goodbye to them the next day never to be seen again! I am also experienced enough to know that my long standing husband is the best shag I've ever had, I learned that before I got any feelings for him, before I entered into a relationship with him and before I became stuck with a long time boyfriend who I really liked but who didn't know where my clitoris is!

I really don't care who thinks I'm cheap, classless or easy! I have a good long marriage with a good man whose penis i happened to have a grapple with on the first night I went out with him!

@SouthLondonMum22 It isn’t absolutely wrong at all. A man knows full well when it is mutual, especially if we’re talking over a period of time where he gets to know the woman.

Some men think there are mutual feelings, but misread the situation and didn't understand it was just friendship (yes, that also applies when there is talking over a period of time where he gets to know the woman... most of the time, that's just friendship).

Some men completely overlook mutual feelings because they are oblivious when other people are interested in them.

Men misread situations all the time. I thought this was common knowledge.