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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The OW messaged me then deleted it.

173 replies

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 09:12

So here’s the back storey to it. I have six hours to kill waiting in an airport and this happened last night. Don’t know what to make of it, probably shouldn’t give it any thought but was bizarre.

I was just landing down in a plane turned my phone on and see a message from the women my ex left me for but said she had deleted it. This was on WhatsApp. She hasn’t messaged me once since the split almost a year ago. It made me so anxious had a scary plane landing and then bomb her message pops up.

I sent back a question mark and it read as she had seen it. She then started watching my social media stories. No reply so I don’t know if it was a mistake. Or because she had realised my ex is a dickhead. Because he is house siting our old home looking after my dog and she knows I’m coming back soon and now she’s insecure?

It was brutal how the relationship ended they had been having an affair for at least a year or more where they both lied to me. If you seen my previous posts you will have seen how messed up it made me at the time from flipping between knowing it was the right thing him being out my life to being dumbfounded how he could walk out on his family one day without even a conversation and jumping into a relationship with a women twice my age leaving me to raise our kids.

I feel vulnerable as we still at the stage where I don’t know what the future holds. She is extremely rich and I felt she essentially bought my family. Within months of him leaving she suggested they go into business together and she buys a house for him and our children.

So seeing her name pop up makes my stomach churn thinking will another bomb be dropped on my children’s and my life.

Why do you think she reached out?
What would you do? I’ve been doing so well the past few months I’m just like why now.

OP posts:
probster · 02/09/2024 20:37

GreyCarpet · 02/09/2024 19:07

You clearly have higher standards than her 😉

I'd imagine many an OW has worried about her prize returning to its original 'owner' at some point. It doesn't matter whether its one worth having or not.

i would hope most women would!sadly mumsnet would indicate that is often not the case

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 02/09/2024 20:55

Block on whattsapp and ignore her. Too much drama. Move on

Thiswayforward · 02/09/2024 20:55

I would casually drop into conversation with your ex when you see him that ow messsged you. Then wait for his response. I bet he doesn’t know and now she is being insecure because of how the relationship started.

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 21:17

So I’m home now I didn’t mention it. He left. I’m just happy to see my girls and dog. Indifference is the way to go. She will of expected me to say something as when the pick me dance was happening at the beginning she was the calm happy one that didn’t ask anything of him as he put it.
I was the sad one that didn’t like being lied to and cheated on 😂 it almost funny looking back like no shit.

It’s hard as you want to say what you think but when you do those are the moments you cringe about later on. The women who post on here with similar situations that just hold their head up high hats off to them. No rising to it and letting them crack on.

what will be will be. I don’t think he can go for 50/50 and if he did it would fall apart quickly. I said thank you for having the girls and he said well my mum did it all. So yeah think he is just saying stuff people have told him he should do.

OP posts:
probster · 02/09/2024 21:24

what’s the OW like with your children?

Loley22 · 03/09/2024 17:59

I bet he wasn't answering her texts or calls so she messaged to say are you with him/ heard from him...then realised that's a proper cf move so deleted it. Or she's trying to cause some drama. You will soon know if she mentions it to ex dh

savethatkitty · 03/09/2024 18:10

It could purely be accidental. I know when I was trying to delete the conversation thread on fb messenger with my DH's OW, my big fat fingers fumbled as I didn't know what to press to delete the chat. So I ended up accidentally sending her a thumbs up emoji. Mortified by my error & ofcourse she thought I was lying when I said I was trying to delete the thread..

Thursdaygirl · 03/09/2024 18:11

when the pick me dance was happening at the beginning she was the calm happy one that didn’t ask anything of him as he put it.
I was the sad one that didn’t like being lied to and cheated on

I’m wondering if we’ve both been married to the same man?! When I found out about ex-DH’s OW, I obviously wasn’t happy and there were rows. And this became his justification for having an OW!!! Male logic, obvs …

Hellodollydaydream · 03/09/2024 18:30

I think I would've asked him to have my dog at his place, was that not an option? no way I'd have him snooping around my house

DisabledDemon · 03/09/2024 22:19

MissEsmeWatson · 02/09/2024 10:30

Sounds like it's gone pear shaped. Relax and enjoy the schadenfreude.

Exactly. I'd do nothing and await any further developments. Perhaps lay in a supply of popcorn because I suspect there's trouble in paradise and a ring-side seat might be quite entertaining.

Kjpt140v · 04/09/2024 00:26

I think she is insecure, and was trying to ensure you had gone on holiday.

YourHangryZebra · 04/09/2024 19:11

She's checking up on him n making sure he's not up to anything wi you ....like she n him did you dirty she's waiting for it to happen to her ...which I find quite funny 😁

MyTwinklyPanda · 04/09/2024 19:15

Any chance she's been staying at yours whilst you've been away? It would be a good reason why she wanted the children elsewhere. Sending a WhatsApp to you means she'll get a notification as to when you put your phone on/off airplane mode which will allow her to scoot out of your house without you knowing. They've been sly and devious before and probably doing it again. I hope she hasn't slept in your bed!!

Beccaboo0979 · 04/09/2024 19:58

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 15:59

He moved back in with his mum. OW will buy him a house when her divorce money comes through apparently. So I imagine that will all happen as that’s what he told me. He wouldn’t dare rent has to be a house bought.

Think this is what annoys me the most if it was about our children he would have rented somewhere by now. He wouldn’t think 50/50 is in their best interests when he has worked 6 days a week from 7 til 6/7 since they were born.

I think part of it is image he wants to be this amazing Dad to the outside world.

It is hard to separate my feelings from it but hand on heart I think they are too young and it’s too soon. He makes life changing decisions at the drop of a hat. Our youngest is about to start school. I think moving every 7 days at their age is insane. I will hold my ground on this. If he really wants more time I will go back and suggest starting with Wednesdays every week with EOW.

Youll probably find he wants 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay maintenance too. And if you let him have 50/50 theyll be shipped to grandparents for his share and he wins both ways.

samanthablues · 04/09/2024 21:20

block block block. You don't need this toxicity. Whatever is going on with this couple is none of your business.

thiscantbemylife · 04/09/2024 21:51

Well have an update turns out she messaged because she was insecure about me coming home and him being here even though it was just a handover. They had a big row over it and he is still annoyed at her apparently as this work trip was a big deal and she lied saying she accidentally message me and it was for her friend with the same name but the thing is my name is very unusual I’ve met only one person in my life who has it. So doubt she started a message with someone with the same name late at night, didn’t see my profile picture and then proceeded to not even say it was a mistake so I sweat it out on the journey of a day and half home.

she ended up ruining her own lie when saying she thought I would of come back and had a go at him.

He told me today. Popcorn to the ready it’s all just a joke I blocked her so that’s it. I know I shouldn’t enjoy it but for over a year I lost my mind whilst they both gaslight me. So sorry a small part of me feels something that it isn’t all rainbows for them whilst I still repair for me and our children.

He also said he now won’t go for 50/50 so I think that was her idea. By the sounds of it.

So I can feel a bit relieved well for now I guess.

OP posts:
Hmm1234 · 04/09/2024 21:55

You’re have an ex house sit gosh you sound desperate. Just move on she senses you have other plans

thiscantbemylife · 04/09/2024 22:00

MyTwinklyPanda · 04/09/2024 19:15

Any chance she's been staying at yours whilst you've been away? It would be a good reason why she wanted the children elsewhere. Sending a WhatsApp to you means she'll get a notification as to when you put your phone on/off airplane mode which will allow her to scoot out of your house without you knowing. They've been sly and devious before and probably doing it again. I hope she hasn't slept in your bed!!

Do you really get a notification that it is in airplane mode didn’t know that.

OP posts:
thiscantbemylife · 04/09/2024 22:05

Hmm1234 · 04/09/2024 21:55

You’re have an ex house sit gosh you sound desperate. Just move on she senses you have other plans

Yeah I was desperate. This work opportunity was a big deal. I didn’t have anyone else to watch my dog and feed the fish at a drop of a hat nor the funds to pay someone else for nearly two weeks to do so. It is not a regular thing and a one off. I’m not even a year on and I guess I don’t have it all sorted to the point I don’t need help from people around me.

OP posts:
AnonAnonmystery · 04/09/2024 22:14

Your update is brilliant! The Ow will now reap what she sows! Feels like harvest festival is coming early 😅

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/09/2024 22:20

Hmm1234 · 04/09/2024 21:55

You’re have an ex house sit gosh you sound desperate. Just move on she senses you have other plans

That's a shitty comment so I'll presume you don't know the entire backstory.

LivelyMintViper · 04/09/2024 22:21

Are you tempted just a tiny , tiny bit to message her that there is absolutely nothing going on between you and your ex??

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/09/2024 22:22

Absolutely loving this @thiscantbemylife

Talk about reap what you sow! The rotten old bag now has an inkling of how you felt. I can't see this lasting. I am glad it's made you feel better. This has happened to me and knowing they get a bit of karma is very comforting.

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/09/2024 22:22

LivelyMintViper · 04/09/2024 22:21

Are you tempted just a tiny , tiny bit to message her that there is absolutely nothing going on between you and your ex??

Why would OP do that? He was her husband after all.

thiscantbemylife · 04/09/2024 22:33

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/09/2024 22:22

Absolutely loving this @thiscantbemylife

Talk about reap what you sow! The rotten old bag now has an inkling of how you felt. I can't see this lasting. I am glad it's made you feel better. This has happened to me and knowing they get a bit of karma is very comforting.

Yeah I wish I could be the type to not pay it any mind but it truly is of some comfort whilst I’ve been struggling that it isn’t all rainbows for them.

It’s funny how he wants to be here all a sudden to see the kids going to have a double whammy of satisfaction this week. 😂

OP posts: