The OW messaged me then deleted it.

[thiscantbemylife]

So here’s the back storey to it. I have six hours to kill waiting in an airport and this happened last night. Don’t know what to make of it, probably shouldn’t give it any thought but was bizarre.

I was just landing down in a plane turned my phone on and see a message from the women my ex left me for but said she had deleted it. This was on WhatsApp. She hasn’t messaged me once since the split almost a year ago. It made me so anxious had a scary plane landing and then bomb her message pops up.

I sent back a question mark and it read as she had seen it. She then started watching my social media stories. No reply so I don’t know if it was a mistake. Or because she had realised my ex is a dickhead. Because he is house siting our old home looking after my dog and she knows I’m coming back soon and now she’s insecure?

It was brutal how the relationship ended they had been having an affair for at least a year or more where they both lied to me. If you seen my previous posts you will have seen how messed up it made me at the time from flipping between knowing it was the right thing him being out my life to being dumbfounded how he could walk out on his family one day without even a conversation and jumping into a relationship with a women twice my age leaving me to raise our kids.

I feel vulnerable as we still at the stage where I don’t know what the future holds. She is extremely rich and I felt she essentially bought my family. Within months of him leaving she suggested they go into business together and she buys a house for him and our children.

So seeing her name pop up makes my stomach churn thinking will another bomb be dropped on my children’s and my life.

Why do you think she reached out?
What would you do? I’ve been doing so well the past few months I’m just like why now.

You’re never going to find out what she said so make your peace with it and ignore it. Whatever happens with them is going to happen anyway, it’s not something you have any control over.

Is your ex and his current mistress both in your house? As a mini break for them both? 🤢

No she’s not.

This is what I’ll go with.

I hope she's not, as the ex is already a huge invasion of your privacy, but how do you know he hasn't brought her to your house? (It's not like you can believe a word either of those people say)

Bit harsh. I am not enjoying this at all. Think it’s natural to wonder why she would reach out now and delete it and not say if it was an accident if that was the case. I like mumsnet as I can talk here freely and not put this on friends and family.

like I said I have a six hour wait for a plane and don’t know if something has gone down when I come home too.

Considering she lives in a huge mansion with swimming pools and fancy gardens I’m sure she isn’t in my house for a nice get away 😂

I think she finds it strange that the kids are away with his mum and he’s at your house alone with the dog, she probably thinks he’s cheating which he either is or there is trouble in paradise either way… agree with others block her, next time ask your exs mum to have them anyway and get a dog sitter x

Block and move on (BAMO.) This is the way.

My money is on her not trusting the cheat she's landed herself with, knows what a liar he is and that he's quite happy to have a relationship with you and her in tandem given half a chance and doesn't trust him to dog sit for you. She was probably torturing herself that the wrong un she's shackled to is cheating with you, knows she can't believe a word he says, so in desperation decided to either ask you, or warn you off. You could almost feel sorry for her.

Block her on Whatssapp. - Why would you ever need to hear from her.

Just FYI if you go into your block list on FB & search for her name it will bring her up & you can block her so that if she unblocks you she can't see anything.
I don't know about the other apps though.

Another vote for blocking her on everything. But send your own message and immediately delete it before you do. (Don't really, I'm kidding - sort of.....).

Yeah I am now worried what I’ll come home too. I’m in another country waiting for my last plane home.

I am too sleep deprived for him or her to drop some bomb on my life. I am coming to radical acceptance that I don’t have control over how things play out.

I think given that he is at mine which isn’t some regular thing this is the first time since it all happened, it being late at night it is most likely to do with him being there.

I’ve never accidentally msged someone on WhatsApp it has their picture surely? Also why does she have my number saved. I just doubt it was that and surely you would say sorry meant to msg someone else.

I blocked her now. Hoping that doesn’t make it worse. It will be me arriving late tonight and him leaving as I come in.

Oo I didn’t know that! If I type her name in my social media’s she doesn’t come up but I worry now I’ve blocked her she may contact on there so I’ll do that now.

Seeing as your ex has your dog at the mo, can you not text and say “just off the plane and seen that X has tried to contact me. Replied but not heard back. Is everything ok? Dog ok?”

I can’t text him I don’t have texts abroad. I don’t have him on WhatsApp either.

I also think maybe she wants this.

Ive blocked her and won’t mention it to my ex. I want to be indifferent in person if I don’t always feel it I found that works best.

She sounds like a wealth plan for him.

I knew a man who did similar, left two young children, had one through IVF with the rich older ow.
He remarried her and finanlly his true colours shone through, treated his new wife abysmally, I mean really bad, once he had his hands on her money he was jetsetting all over the world without her, taking up with other women.

He's a cheat and a liar without integrity, I should imagine she will get the gaslighting treatment until he's reached his goal, maybe it's marriage and financial security.

I bet he's using this time to manipulate her into something, I mean really he left his wife and children and you think he's that kind of a person to make sure the dog doesn't need to be elsewhere because it will get upset.

Naw, he knows this will have the ow chomping at the bit to get him home, but don't you trust this just to be about him coming back, you have just become useful in his triangulation game.
He has a plan.

I wouldn't be so sure, if she was in any sort of pissing contest with you she could rejoice in coming round and shagging him in your bed and going through all your stuff.

I'm amazed you'd have him stay at all, seeing as he is not trustworthy in the slightest, if he's got this amazing setup at home why not send the kids there and put the dog in kennels? Or pay someone to house sit the house and dog?

You're a braver woman than I.

What would she have to gain by doing that though? It would be a normal reaction if all is ok if she’s tried to contact you. Best case scenario is that your ex asks her why she text you and it causes a bit of a stir and she doesn’t do it again.

How could ANY OW trust the cheat they are with?

This is why I don't get OW at all as a bedrock of being in a relationship is trust.

In the cases of the OW where the man is a cheat (so not for example being an OW with a man who is all but divorced, or his wife is in a vegetative state) you have to be damaged (and desperate) to be an OW.

Good. You have to let this go, it could be anything, even a mistake.

Put it behind you.

If she does actually message you in the future, re-assess, but not now.

Enjoy your holiday, it sounds as though your dog and your children will be fine.

Good luck.

Its certainly a strange choice that from all the men in the world you'd pick a known cheat and liar.

She was probably off her head. Messages are normally deleted without explanation or follow up if there is no explanation for them.
A message to the wrong person would be deleted or left with an explanation 'sorry that wasn't for you'
A message that was an outpouring of emotions, would be regretted and deleted without explanation. Maybe your ex saw the message and deleted them for her.
She's done the worst she could so far so whats a fucking little deleted message. Block her, take control of the situation. Any communication about the kids will come from the dad.

She probably thinks you’re actually at the house and now he is cheating with you on her! And that he’s just made an excuse that you’re away. Don’t read anything into it. Hold your head up high like you have been and ignore her.

Yes I should imagine she's going out of her mind.

I agree she's called you to find out if you are actually away.

I would block her.