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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The OW messaged me then deleted it.

173 replies

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 09:12

So here’s the back storey to it. I have six hours to kill waiting in an airport and this happened last night. Don’t know what to make of it, probably shouldn’t give it any thought but was bizarre.

I was just landing down in a plane turned my phone on and see a message from the women my ex left me for but said she had deleted it. This was on WhatsApp. She hasn’t messaged me once since the split almost a year ago. It made me so anxious had a scary plane landing and then bomb her message pops up.

I sent back a question mark and it read as she had seen it. She then started watching my social media stories. No reply so I don’t know if it was a mistake. Or because she had realised my ex is a dickhead. Because he is house siting our old home looking after my dog and she knows I’m coming back soon and now she’s insecure?

It was brutal how the relationship ended they had been having an affair for at least a year or more where they both lied to me. If you seen my previous posts you will have seen how messed up it made me at the time from flipping between knowing it was the right thing him being out my life to being dumbfounded how he could walk out on his family one day without even a conversation and jumping into a relationship with a women twice my age leaving me to raise our kids.

I feel vulnerable as we still at the stage where I don’t know what the future holds. She is extremely rich and I felt she essentially bought my family. Within months of him leaving she suggested they go into business together and she buys a house for him and our children.

So seeing her name pop up makes my stomach churn thinking will another bomb be dropped on my children’s and my life.

Why do you think she reached out?
What would you do? I’ve been doing so well the past few months I’m just like why now.

OP posts:
probster · 02/09/2024 12:54

how long ago all this happened op?

surely you’re now home and he’s back with OW at hers and this now in the past?

i suspect she was winding you up Op

don’t rise to it

LateAF · 02/09/2024 13:00

You can see what she sent by looking at your notification history in your iphone settings.

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 13:01

LateAF · 02/09/2024 13:00

You can see what she sent by looking at your notification history in your iphone settings.

I have an iPhone but can’t find history notifications just the ones that appear on the screen

OP posts:
MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 02/09/2024 13:03

I would say to him when I got back, 'trouble in paradise?', when he asked what you meant just say I don't appreciate Jennifer contacting me. I'm not getting into it any further, I've blocked her now but I don't need it. Especially when you've not even looked after the children, I may as well have just got a dog sitter. Let him wonder or ask her why she is messaging you.

Petty maybe but I don't think I could rise above it when he walks out on his family, has a chance to spend two weeks with the children he walked away from and packs them off to his mother's as soon as he can

Pettyhangingbaskets · 02/09/2024 13:03

I wouldn’t even acknowledge it, the best revenge is complete indifference

LateAF · 02/09/2024 13:04

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 13:01

I have an iPhone but can’t find history notifications just the ones that appear on the screen

You have to have turned the settings on though.

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Blowingsteam · 02/09/2024 13:07

Op, she’s made her bed let her sleep in it.
if she is insecure about your whereabouts you can giggle.
However a woman that messages you to reassure there was nothing going on between her and her husband when it clearly was is evil. Do not fall for her crap, message deleted or not. As someone said it could have been anything. Don’t even mention it to your ex. How do you know she wasn’t messaging you to tell you something to hint she was at your house herself? As I said, the woman is evil. Do not mention anything in my opinion and block her,but wait a bit till you do it. In the meantime do not post stories on SM. She will hate it she doesn’t know what is going on with you. Then block her stinky ass. Do not make it as a reaction to her trying to reach out, whatever her reason might have been.
Right now, DO NOTHING.

kittensinthekitchen · 02/09/2024 13:07

Would be coincidental timing, but possibly she's just sent out a massive message to all of her contacts, then realised that includes you, so deleted it from your 'conversation' not realising you'd still get a message saying deleted?
Then, when you replied with ? she could've thought 'wait, isn't she supposed to be traveling?' so peeked at your stories to see?

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 13:09

LateAF · 02/09/2024 13:04

You have to have turned the settings on though.

Yeah on my phone it doesn’t have notification history or advanced settings I have looked as on my android it did. Maybe it’s a good thing.

OP posts:
Thursdaygirl · 02/09/2024 13:12

Moveoverdarlin · 02/09/2024 09:37

Mmmm. Just ignore it. Don’t start feeling smug, it could be anything. And it could bite you in the arse. They may have got engaged and she’s texting you to be a bitch. It could have been an emergency at the house and he was refusing to message you and she thought ‘fuck it, I’ll message her about the fuse box’ and then the problem got sorted.

I wouldn’t tell your ex that she messaged either. Say ‘thanks for house sitting, dog ok? See you soon bye’.

This is good advice.

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 13:17

kittensinthekitchen · 02/09/2024 13:07

Would be coincidental timing, but possibly she's just sent out a massive message to all of her contacts, then realised that includes you, so deleted it from your 'conversation' not realising you'd still get a message saying deleted?
Then, when you replied with ? she could've thought 'wait, isn't she supposed to be traveling?' so peeked at your stories to see?

At ten at night? I just doubt that. Someone further up the post mentioned if it was a mistake you’d likely just say but in the case of saying something you regret and delete you probably wouldn’t. She looked at my WhatsApp storey just before midnight. It just a bit suss that after all this time it is now when he is at my house.

Im just going to leave it. Go back later and not even mention it just thanks for watching the dog bye👋

I still have two hours to go till my last flight. I reckon I’ll get back and he won’t say anything when the reality is she has been messaging him a lot wanting reassurance.

OP posts:
Mum5net · 02/09/2024 13:36

Well done, OP. You have considered the options, come up with a v sensible uninflammatory message and you are giving no drama.
You are in a much better space than they clearly seem to be. Onwards and upwards, OP.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 02/09/2024 13:54

Hi @thiscantbemylife sorry you are going through all this but yes you need to block her and ignore it and don't let it take much head space because it can lead you to spiral again.

Also if I was in your shoes I would find another way to handle the dog, I wouldn't want to be dependent on someone like your DH and indirectly his mistress.

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/09/2024 13:55

I hope she feels as shit as she made you feel OP Flowers

AnonAnonmystery · 02/09/2024 14:22

I read your original post when it was all unravelling. You sound so much better and like you are coming out of the other end. Enjoy your break 💐

Trallers · 02/09/2024 14:47

Ignoring it and just getting on with your flights now is good. Also remember that she doesn't know for sure that you didn't see her message on preview, so that '?' will be leaving her stressing... was it in response to the deletion or in response to her message?

But whatever she wanted is not of much significance in your life right now so relax and let them desl.with their own drama.

ohnoi · 02/09/2024 14:47

She's probably realised he's a dickhead or he's cheating on her
how grim
I suggest you block her for your own peace of mind

HollyKnight · 02/09/2024 15:04

I'd text back whatever it was she had messaged you that time reassuring you they weren't cheating followed by a laughing emoji.

Noodlehen · 02/09/2024 15:18

My guess is that she watched your story, then accidentally replied to story and deleted it quickly. Probably wasn’t anything at all.

PolePrince55 · 02/09/2024 15:20

She thinks he's with you.
That's why she's checking the stories etc

Zonder · 02/09/2024 15:25

She probably knows that once a cheat always a cheat and is constantly checking on him.

probster · 02/09/2024 15:27

Pettyhangingbaskets · 02/09/2024 13:03

I wouldn’t even acknowledge it, the best revenge is complete indifference

this
this
this

Lemonlily · 02/09/2024 15:27

I would say to my X "is xxx okay? She sent me a message earlier but deleted it, not sure if she meant to?" All innocent.

There's trouble in paradise.

probster · 02/09/2024 15:29

how long have you been away op?

ImSoExited · 02/09/2024 15:29

If I wanted to be horrible I'd message her back with the line

'Does she know"

Then block her.

That should worry her.