Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The OW messaged me then deleted it.

173 replies

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 09:12

So here’s the back storey to it. I have six hours to kill waiting in an airport and this happened last night. Don’t know what to make of it, probably shouldn’t give it any thought but was bizarre.

I was just landing down in a plane turned my phone on and see a message from the women my ex left me for but said she had deleted it. This was on WhatsApp. She hasn’t messaged me once since the split almost a year ago. It made me so anxious had a scary plane landing and then bomb her message pops up.

I sent back a question mark and it read as she had seen it. She then started watching my social media stories. No reply so I don’t know if it was a mistake. Or because she had realised my ex is a dickhead. Because he is house siting our old home looking after my dog and she knows I’m coming back soon and now she’s insecure?

It was brutal how the relationship ended they had been having an affair for at least a year or more where they both lied to me. If you seen my previous posts you will have seen how messed up it made me at the time from flipping between knowing it was the right thing him being out my life to being dumbfounded how he could walk out on his family one day without even a conversation and jumping into a relationship with a women twice my age leaving me to raise our kids.

I feel vulnerable as we still at the stage where I don’t know what the future holds. She is extremely rich and I felt she essentially bought my family. Within months of him leaving she suggested they go into business together and she buys a house for him and our children.

So seeing her name pop up makes my stomach churn thinking will another bomb be dropped on my children’s and my life.

Why do you think she reached out?
What would you do? I’ve been doing so well the past few months I’m just like why now.

OP posts:
free79 · 02/09/2024 12:04

How could ANY OW trust the cheat they are with?

Because what they have is really special and she's very different, she really gets him in a way his wife could never.
. 🙄🙄💩💩💩💩

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 02/09/2024 12:05

So I can’t block her on social media because...

None of what follows in this paragraph explains why you can't block her. I get it, you want to know if she tries to contact you for whatever reason - I haven't deleted the numbers of the people who bullied me out of my job and hilariously, got a message from one of them about a year later that was meant for a new manager. But still, the sensible thing is to block and pretend they don't exist.

Pettyhangingbaskets · 02/09/2024 12:06

You can block her and you must

KreedKafer · 02/09/2024 12:08

Because he is house siting our old home looking after my dog and she knows I’m coming back soon and now she’s insecure?

Yes, it will be that.

I would just block her on everything. There's no reason for you to have anything to do with her, ever.

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 12:08

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 02/09/2024 12:05

So I can’t block her on social media because...

None of what follows in this paragraph explains why you can't block her. I get it, you want to know if she tries to contact you for whatever reason - I haven't deleted the numbers of the people who bullied me out of my job and hilariously, got a message from one of them about a year later that was meant for a new manager. But still, the sensible thing is to block and pretend they don't exist.

I’m lost I can’t find her on social media as you blocked me when they were cheating as she was with her husband at the time I imagine. So I’m looking into it now as someone has said I should be able to do it.

OP posts:
Amy1117 · 02/09/2024 12:09

CheekySwan · 02/09/2024 09:44

Maybe he is cheating on her and he has had the other woman at your house......just a thought

Interesting thought !

SpaceyLacey · 02/09/2024 12:11

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 09:12

So here’s the back storey to it. I have six hours to kill waiting in an airport and this happened last night. Don’t know what to make of it, probably shouldn’t give it any thought but was bizarre.

I was just landing down in a plane turned my phone on and see a message from the women my ex left me for but said she had deleted it. This was on WhatsApp. She hasn’t messaged me once since the split almost a year ago. It made me so anxious had a scary plane landing and then bomb her message pops up.

I sent back a question mark and it read as she had seen it. She then started watching my social media stories. No reply so I don’t know if it was a mistake. Or because she had realised my ex is a dickhead. Because he is house siting our old home looking after my dog and she knows I’m coming back soon and now she’s insecure?

It was brutal how the relationship ended they had been having an affair for at least a year or more where they both lied to me. If you seen my previous posts you will have seen how messed up it made me at the time from flipping between knowing it was the right thing him being out my life to being dumbfounded how he could walk out on his family one day without even a conversation and jumping into a relationship with a women twice my age leaving me to raise our kids.

I feel vulnerable as we still at the stage where I don’t know what the future holds. She is extremely rich and I felt she essentially bought my family. Within months of him leaving she suggested they go into business together and she buys a house for him and our children.

So seeing her name pop up makes my stomach churn thinking will another bomb be dropped on my children’s and my life.

Why do you think she reached out?
What would you do? I’ve been doing so well the past few months I’m just like why now.

She was trying to confirm that you were in a flight … to see when u got message. Because in plane w Flight mode.

She is nervous and ha ha.

Amy1117 · 02/09/2024 12:11

OP it could be anything. I agree what's best for you is to reduce contact as much as possible and go on with your life and that includes him dog sitting. Id rather pay it ask some else

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 12:13

Glitter0 · 02/09/2024 11:59

She probably thinks you’re actually at the house and now he is cheating with you on her! And that he’s just made an excuse that you’re away. Don’t read anything into it. Hold your head up high like you have been and ignore her.

Damn that makes sense. I’ve been gone almost 2 weeks she may have thought he moved back.

OP posts:
CBStrike · 02/09/2024 12:21

If you have a Samsung you can see deleted messages in notification history in settings if you have it switched on. You may be too late though. Google how to turn it on in case it happens again.

Conniebygaslight · 02/09/2024 12:25

It doesn’t matter what it was. All that matters is that it won’t be anything in your best interest. Even if it’s something about your ex, it will still be HER need to tell you. Not something YOU need to hear. Block & ignore.

Ivyy · 02/09/2024 12:26

Conniebygaslight · 02/09/2024 12:25

It doesn’t matter what it was. All that matters is that it won’t be anything in your best interest. Even if it’s something about your ex, it will still be HER need to tell you. Not something YOU need to hear. Block & ignore.

This!

BibbityBobbityToo · 02/09/2024 12:32

I wouldn't let him in the house alone, dog or no dog. He'll have had OW in there with him and she'll have snooped in every cupboard and drawer.

She has no reason to have your mobile number so get her blocked on WhatsApp.

Halfemptyhalfling · 02/09/2024 12:35

I wouldn't block her just at the moment in case there is something she needs to communicate with you shortly. Likely it was an accidental / thought better of message and you won't hear again so not worth effort of blocking

flirtyqwerty · 02/09/2024 12:36

I’m sure she isn’t in my house for a nice get away

No, but she may be curious about your home and want to go through your things or plant stupid stuff or shag your ex there. It's all a mind game and about unsettling people. I also wouldn't have an ex in my home, picky dog or not but I suppose it's still viewed as the 'family home' to some extent? That probably unnerves her.

AdoraBell · 02/09/2024 12:36

Definitely block her on all social media.

Zilla1 · 02/09/2024 12:37

HNRTT but wanted to encourage you to continue to live your much younger life well and don't hide your youthful activities. Wealth isn't a complete substitute for youth and health, no matter how much money and time the wealthy spend on trying to appear younger. Sorry your ex treated you badly and it is easy to say but you'll be better off without him if he could have treated you so badly.

Good luck.

Paperwhite13 · 02/09/2024 12:39

Glitter0 · 02/09/2024 11:59

She probably thinks you’re actually at the house and now he is cheating with you on her! And that he’s just made an excuse that you’re away. Don’t read anything into it. Hold your head up high like you have been and ignore her.

I agree with this.

She probably messaged you to see if it went through immediately (the ticks)... as if you were on a plane (in aeroplane mode) it wouldn't have.

Mintypig · 02/09/2024 12:42

Leave it now.
you lose them the way you got them - she is old enough to know this and she is insecure. Your best revenge is knowing she will be looking over her shoulder forever, while you got rid of him and are free to move on.

MargotMoon · 02/09/2024 12:43

Glitter0 · 02/09/2024 11:59

She probably thinks you’re actually at the house and now he is cheating with you on her! And that he’s just made an excuse that you’re away. Don’t read anything into it. Hold your head up high like you have been and ignore her.

My thoughts too. Then she checked your stories to see if they tally with you being away/on holiday. She's paranoid that your ex is up to something.

newleafontheplantjohn · 02/09/2024 12:43

The curiousity would be killing me too, but she's deleted it and probing won't get you anywhere.

Dont block her. Just don't contact her.

Just don't say or do anything. Just wait.

And absolutely keep getting him to dog sit - it's convenient for you and the dog and it's the least he can do.

Vermin · 02/09/2024 12:45

Have you had her phone number before or is this the first instance where she’s contacted you? There’s a sour little trick that her lawyers might be advising given you say she’s very wealthy

thiscantbemylife · 02/09/2024 12:48

Paperwhite13 · 02/09/2024 12:39

I agree with this.

She probably messaged you to see if it went through immediately (the ticks)... as if you were on a plane (in aeroplane mode) it wouldn't have.

This makes a lot of sense my first plane was only just over an hour and that’s when the msg was sent and deleted. Any other time this year I would have seen it in my notifications. My storey on WhatsApp was of airport stuff so she’s probably had a look and now okay.

God I think that’s most likely it it’s just too coincidental. He wouldn’t have been staying over hers or what ever they do as he would have been there at night.

OP posts:
Conkersinautumn · 02/09/2024 12:50

I can't imagine there's much trust in their relationship, this time him doing you a favour is obviously getting to her.

I would, personally, need my ex out of my private space but it sounds like it will take a while for your dog to build a new relationship where they would be comfortable being looked after.

Onabench · 02/09/2024 12:52

She 100% thinks you're together, that's why she is watching your stories too. Sad sad people.

Swipe left for the next trending thread