Does anal sex need explicit consent?

[TellingFriends]

2 month relationship.

Man and woman have consensual PIV sex. Is it acceptable for him to have anal sex with her without asking first?

Woman would not have consented if asked beforehand but did not stop him.

Is it fair for him to assume the woman will say no if she doesn't want it?

Woman had never had anal sex before. Woman is also a CSA survivor but he didn't know this.

Well it’s been quiet since last night except for the posters coming on to tell the people arguing to “stop arguing” - which it appears they already have done 🤦🏽‍♀️

Exiting the thread now ✌🏽

"But to be clear, my current and all previous partners have assumed all forms of consent unless I’ve verbalised or somehow otherwise made clear that I’m not interested at the point of them attempting it. They have also been able to assume the consent for one thing implies consent for others. Because that’s the basis that I have worked on in my entire “sexual life.” "

This kind of statement by @SleeplessInWherever is possibly the reason why some men feel free to do these things to women without asking. They have been with women who hold this same attitude.

That is not her fault. The law is clear. What you have said is perilously close to victim blaming. It is not her job to educate men.

Sorry but I don't agree with you. I am not victim blaming at all.

I didn't say it was her job to educate men - how could she anyway?

It isn’t about educating men, it’s about knowing and holding your own boundaries, and having a clear awareness of what consent is, and how to negotiate it.
I don’t have sex with a new partner without a discussion on our boundaries, and my limits.

I don’t have sex with a new partner without a discussion on our boundaries, and my limits.

This is really healthy but I don't think every woman has the confidence and self-esteem to do this.

This thread has helped me to see that men should be obliged to ask the questions rather than relying on women to bring it up and lay down their boundaries.

No, but nor did I. I have been on a very long and tough journey, from suffering Marital r@pe, and a fair amount of sexual abuse, to reclaiming my boundaries and claiming my limits.
The conversation is far easier to have in advance, and it is very easy to look for red flags that pop in, in this kind of conversation, rather than waiting until you’re in the moment.
I am so sorry this happened to you, and I’m sorry for all the de-railing, including by me, but this is so close to my heart, and I want women to be aware of what’s possible.

I'm sorry you've been through all that @Doodleflips

Understanding consent and boundaries has been a long old process for me too, and clearly I'm not quite there yet.

But you’re doing it <3.
its a tough road, but worth it.

It can be easier to discuss these things in email or something (for me anyway, as I'm not very assertive.)
When I was into BDSM we discussed most things via email beforehand. There was even a questionnaire.

But most men must know anal is something you ask about beforehand (ideally not mid-session) rather than just going for it.

He knew you had taken valium and were likely to be a bit out of it which is why he raped you.

Fuck yes - Anal needs explicit consent. It hurts. If you aint prepared or expecting it, it aint pretty. So yes - a discussion is always needed. If you need convincing - think about yo man..... How much discussion is needed if you want to even go near yo man's ass - even if its one finger..... men need all the consent in the world...

Sure you do Arnold

Of course