Does anal sex need explicit consent?

[TellingFriends]

2 month relationship.

Man and woman have consensual PIV sex. Is it acceptable for him to have anal sex with her without asking first?

Woman would not have consented if asked beforehand but did not stop him.

Is it fair for him to assume the woman will say no if she doesn't want it?

Woman had never had anal sex before. Woman is also a CSA survivor but he didn't know this.

I’m just going to point out that others have said that more education might be required around explicit consent, but I’ve not noticed you jumping down their throats.

I actually think it’s not necessary at all, to speak to people the way you have/are for daring to not share your opinion but previously mentioned - you do you.

What I will say is that if you’re waiting for offence, you’ll be waiting a while.

I can see, or suspect, that you’re for some reason trying to goad me into the judgemental journey you’re on

Ah, so someone who believes in explicit consent and objects to rape - is "on a judgemental journey".

It's hilarious that you think I'm trying to goad you, when 'm actually trying to point out the utter fallacy of your view that a man doing sex acts on a woman (or choking her during sex etc). without explicit consent; could be explained by him having previous partners - like you - who "did consent differently".

On what basis would he assume that because one, two or three (which would be extremely unusual) women were ok.with him penetrating her anally or choking her, without consent; that all other women would be too?

I've asked you if you think his assumption of consent, without explicit consent, for punching you in the face or choking you, is reasonable.... And you apparently can't answer that;

"I don’t know if it’s reasonable for a man to assume he’s allowed to choke someone because others have allowed him to ..."

Do you truly not see how bonkers that is?

You’re talking about the law. Which we’ve all established exists.

I’m talking about the real experiences of people in their own sex lives that rightly or wrongly aren’t following that law to the letter. For example, the requirement to get consent for each type of sex - from oral to vaginal for example, there will be people who are assuming blanket consent because one of them was acceptable.

We can keep saying the law doesn’t agree, I’m sure it doesn’t, but in those instances - it’s not being used.

I don’t think it’s bonkers to 1) acknowledge that some know the law exists and still aren’t using it, and 2) some genuinely believe that consent is assumed unless told otherwise. You want to talk facts, those two things are facts.

So if you want to keep talking about choking, there are people in this world who would assume they needed to say they weren’t into it.

That's never been my experience, thank god
I've never had someone anally rape me because we'd had vaginal intercourse and they assumed I was into anything going.

But they were out of order criticising your choices for you

When someone's choices are damaging, potentially risky, left field etc. .... and they project them onto other women ..... It's to be expected they'll come in for criticism.

This is the last time I'll respond to people who can't read. I did not ever say I was "sure" he believed he had consent.

Sorry, I know you’re talking about me and not to me - but damaging and risky for who?

You’re not responsible for my wellbeing, and I’ve still never said that my choices should be yours or anyone else’s.

Yes, I know. I can read.

I doubt it will be the last time...

I couldn't be sure given your utter lack of comprehension. I'm glad that's sorted.

You’re talking about the law

I'm most definitely not taking about the law.

Tbh at this point, I can't interact with you anymore. In fact I'm frustrated with myself that I actually wasted time trying to.

Your "contributions" to this thread have been disturbing, for lack of a better word. I hope no vulnerable woman is ever influenced by you.

Show me one quote of someone on this thread who has defended the man.

@SleeplessInWherever why are you making this thread about you and your lifestyle choices? The OP has asked for help and clarity about what happened to HER (which was rape according to UK law).

Shame on you. Seriously.

If she was asleep it is a slam dunk guilty of rape.

Utterly ridiculous. No one has tried to justify rape.

Are you the kind of person who insists on believing all women who claim they have been raped?

I’ve still never said that my choices should be yours or anyone else’s

But you've said you "couldn't say" whether a man making an assumption of consent for sex acts like anal sex (or choking or punching in my example) - based on any previous partner being happy with it - is reasonable or not.

Here's a little tip, it's not.

No one has tried to justify rape

They have actually.

I have never said it was "reasonable belief of consent". I have said it is a possibility. Please stop twisting facts to suit your own unbending agenda.
And, yes, obviously, if he started while she was asleep then he raped her, no question.

I cannot stand arseholes who assume women are making up rape and assault claims.

A quick search would demonstrate that false claims are a tiny percent of claims.

The thread is full of pricks saying that the rapist would have made a mistake or assumed consent. Read the thread.

Yes I did. And it is apparent now that there was natural lubrication from semen, as described by the OP who also said that it "didn't hurt".

This has been the worst thread I’ve read on here.
The amount of women trying to excuse rape is so sad.

If it was your daughter, what would you say?
If she was anally penetrated unexpectedly?
If she was choked?

I’ll just post this generally rather than individually.

There are men, and women, who believe that consent is assumed unless specifically told otherwise. Not because they’re a deviant, but because that’s what they believe to be true.

UK law does suggest otherwise. But in the interest of total transparency the very first I knew of that was when I Googled it last night. Until that point it was my genuine belief that the way I thought consent was given, and removed, was THE way.

If I believed that, at 35 years old, other people believe that too, and they’re not all disturbing individuals who need help.

IF this guy believed that to be the case, which I don’t know and neither do any of you, that does not change the legality of what happened, or the the awful effects it’s had an OP, but it could change his intent.

You are all absolutely free to judge me, or anyone you choose in whatever way you like. But this isn’t about whether you think I’m some sort of crazy lunatic, it’s about people either misusing the law or not knowing it to be the case. And whilst they arrive at the same conclusion, they’re different.

who believe that consent is assumed unless specifically told otherwise

For which sex acts?

For which activities?

I don't think they will stop villifying people with a different opinion because they are basically in a kind of cult. Anyone who points out a different possibility is an "apologist for rape.

All of them. Is consent somehow different on a case by case basis? Do you need more consent for some things than others?