Does anal sex need explicit consent?

[TellingFriends]

2 month relationship.

Man and woman have consensual PIV sex. Is it acceptable for him to have anal sex with her without asking first?

Woman would not have consented if asked beforehand but did not stop him.

Is it fair for him to assume the woman will say no if she doesn't want it?

Woman had never had anal sex before. Woman is also a CSA survivor but he didn't know this.

No you're not, otherwise you wouldn't have responded with such a ridiculous non-reply to my excellent post.

@HazelPlayer

I don’t require a response to this. If you’re giving up that’s probably for the best, because you arrived at a new low.

I want to make it known that your visible edit history shows that you went back and added the comment about covering bruises, and then went back again and added the rest about brain injuries and family members getting abused.

From the ivory tower you’re placing yourself in, it may be worth giving that some thought, because at no stage has anyone wished you ill or injury.

True colours indeed.

She can deal with whatever injuries she sustains from "assumed consent".

And whatever continence issues she sustains from viewing anal sex as "exactly the same as vaginal sex".

She cannot project those onto other people however.

There is no "assumed consent".
When you assume consent and start penetrating someone anally, you are past the point of consent if they object.

So anyone who "believes" in assumed consent, believes in a fallacy.

I don't debate with those who believe in fallacies so ....

.. to my excellent post..

You bring the laughs, I have to say.

She has already agreed with us on these points, having initially doubted them. Why don't you give her credit for actually learning something on the forum and stop bullying her about her personal life.

Tut tut, you need to watch that temper of yours.

Talk guidelines broken.

Well done.

Weird, there’s talk guidelines about personal attacks too.

Throwaway account, don't gaf.

You're still the only one who lost it, like a kid.

It’s only just dawning on me that it’s very likely he will have done this to many other women, and will do so again 😟

Lost what, my ability to have a conversation with another grown up without resorting to wishing abuse upon their families, and wishing violence on them?

Throwaway account or otherwise, think you need to calm down.

Have you considered counselling?

Thanks!

And this will be his MO - have a few dates, plenty of alcohol, consensual piv, sleepy hangover, spoon, stick pia, leaving woman confused, hurt, unsure, maybe ashamed etc

I promised myself I wouldn't but here I am. For all the people who don't quite understand.

A comparison I frequently make. If a friend that you trusted suddenly hit you around the face, leaving a bruise, how would that make you feel? Would you feel violated? Do you think you would still want to talk to them? Would you feel that they should have told you first?

For most people, the shock of the situation would probably leave them speechless. They know it's something they didn't want because no-one actually wants to be hurt, especially by someone they trust. Would you ever think of asking the victim of a physical assault "but did you consent?" You really wouldn't because lack of consent is implied ONLY because you can see the injury and the physical pain the person suffered.

Why does everyone assume because the injury happens to a part you don't see that it's less severe or less traumatising? I've come across a couple of people in my time who have had to have surgery on their vagina and anus because their assault was so violent. I still have problems with swallowing because of what my ex did to me 7 months ago. There weren't any bruises on any other part of my body, so clearly it couldn't have been that bad?

This is why I say consent isn't a valid argument when it comes to rape. It's just as much of a violation as a physical assault.

If you haven't experienced rape please don't comment. It's really traumatising and triggering for people who have been through it. People come on here looking for advice and support, not to have their experiences minimised or told they should have behaved differently.

The DV survivor who's had her entire sex life based on "assumed consent", doesn't see any difference between her vagina and anus/rectum, and who "couldn't say" if a man who choked, punched or anally penetrated a woman without explicit consent was reasonable in assuming consent from his previous partners preferences .....

Would be a bit further up the queue for counselling, followed closely by you, sweetheart.

@CharlieDickens I'm so sorry you went through that, and fwiw, I think you’re so brave to come and comment on this thread <3.

wishing violence on them

Don't lie about what someone wrote.

You look bad enough through all your posts without lying as well.

I don’t like the term survivor, and I really think you need to find a way past my sex life. Honestly, you’re totally not involved in it.

You involved all of us in it (involuntarily) by posting on this thread - a thread about a rape.

Telling a victim her rapist might just have assumed consent because he might have been with women like you before).

Hope the below helps.

Genuinely don’t get quite what your problem is, but the facts are below. In response to something you disagreed with you definitely did recommend covering my bruised up with makeup, and bring sexual attacks on my family into it.

Dress that up/excuse it however you like.

Here's a thought, ignore my posts ... I'll ignore you and your nasty, unfunny pal's posts, and maybe some useful posters can regain this thread.

Man is spooning woman tightly and then, without warning, they are having anal sex

That sounds like it was deliberate OP :(

I somehow don't think it was a coincidence that he was spooning you tightly like that. You were in a vulnerable position, he's significantly stronger than you and knew it. I wouldn't surprise me if the reason why he didn't ask, is because he is used to doing that with women and the previous sex you had with him was a build-up to this.

He must have noticed you weren't responding like you were previously, but he carried on anyway😟

Abusers can be careful and manipulative. They take 'misunderstandings' and 'miscommunications' and exploit them to their advantage.

Hope the below helps

It won't.

You're putting an interpretation on what I wrote about that poster's "inability" to judge a reasonable basis for consent to sex acts, including violent ones - for herself and for other women - for your own agenda

It"s dishonest.

Unsurprisingly from someone who slings out slurs like "pea brain" when she's lost her temper like a toddler.

I agree.

I also think if he was aware the op had taken a sedative, he was opportunistic about that.

I didn’t call you a pea brain. Wrong person.

Theres no other way to judge “she can cover up her bruises.”